Faithwarming

Tidings of Great Joy

2011-12-02T09:03:00.000-08:00

It's hard for us to imagine being a shepherd in the context of our culture. It's so far away from what we think and know, but imagine a simpler culture where a few men might be tending their sheep by the light of the stars--no flashlights or cell phones--just moonlight and stars. Suddenly, a brilliant light strikes through the darkness from the sky above. It isn't like a light that has ever been seen before. It must've been terrifying. Then, an angel appears and the men are terrified. The angel tells them, "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." Then, the angel goes on to tell them how to find the child and how to identify him, and then a choir of angels sing, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." It must've been both terrifying and awesome.

I know we've all heard the story, but have we really? Have we thought about what it really meant to those men in the field that night? As I try to imagine it, I keep thinking about the response the men had. They didn't stop and ponder it for the evening. They didn't wait until morning light. They made "haste" and went immediately to find the child and when they arrived, the told everyone they could tell the words that the angel told them. They glorified and praised God. They didn't question who it came from or if it was real. They didn't ask if it was the truth. They didn't accuse each other of hallucinating. They went quickly to find the child.

The beauty of the message from the angels is equally amazing to me. Great joy. I think about the kind of joy that brings tears to your eyes, seeing your newborn baby for the first time or watching your child graduate. The promise of a saviour, the promise of redemption, the hope for the world, all of it was offered in the words of the angel. When the shepherds arrived with their story, the bible says that Mary pondered these things in her heart. Later, a man named Simeon, filled with the Holy Spirit, would give Mary a glimpse of the future. He would call the child "A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel." He would also tell her that a sword would also pierce her own soul.

In the book of John, I have always been amazed at the description of Jesus in that book. The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us. I have often pondered the meaning of it. I think about the nature of God and how mysterious He is to us. What if God took his message, his pure intent, his spiritual message and formed it into a physical man, what kind of man would he then be? Before it all happened, would you and I think that it would be someone like Jesus? The son of a simple carpenter? Would he be born in a barn? Worshipped by shepherds and kings? Die a horrible death on a cross?

It's an unlikely story, a strange story even. Only God could craft a story like that. That's why it's so compelling. In fact, these days, the story itself brings tears to my eyes at the thought of it. When I hear the words, "For unto us is born this day in the city of David, a saviour, which is Christ the Lord" I feel the joy of that moment in the shepherd's field and the sweetness of the graciousness of God and I am thankful for it. The Christmas season offers to me more than just a good story, though. The Christmas season brings with it promises that we are not abandoned. It brings with it the hope of a future, a future here and now, and a future beyond this life. What greater tiding of great joy could there be than that message?

People Get Ready

2011-09-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

In our ministry, we often rely on the medium of music to make connections, touch hearts, and care for those we minister to. Often, it is the families of the people we came here to serve who are affected as well. I recall a particular day when our music touched one of the family members in the deepest way.

Eulah has been at one of our facilities for nearly nine years. She was there from the first time we started our ministry there and is still there, although she doesn’t attend as regularly due to her failing health. I always thought that Eulah was my special senior. We just seemed to understand each other. I could look into Eulah’s eyes and tell whether she was having a good day or a bad one.

The first time we met Eulah’s daughter, she was so excited about our group. She went on about how much my husband looked like her brother and she raved about the way her mother had sung along with all of the songs. It was pretty amazing because Eulah couldn’t speak more than a sentence, but she sang to the songs like “The Old Rugged Cross.” That day, the daughter shared that she was from Texas and that she didn’t get to visit her mother all that often. I saw something in her eyes that day. I saw need. I saw a girl who had rejected faith, who had gone her own way, followed her own will. I saw a rebel, but even rebels need something beyond themselves, even rebels need hope.

Years passed, and one day the same daughter showed up. She was more subdued that day. I remember praying for her while we sang, hoping that we would make some impact on her heart. Then, we started into only the third song of our service. It was a slowed down version of “People Get Ready.”

“People get ready, there’s a training a coming. You don’t need no ticket, you just get on board.”

We were singing those words when I saw the emotion overcome her. She started to cry, covered her face, and ran out of the room. That was the last time that we saw her.

After a few months we started to notice Eulah was missing. We wondered if she had passed, and since Eulah is so special to me, I decided to find out her status. Eulah had taken a turn for the worse. While we were trying to track Eulah down, one of our regulars told us her story. Eulah’s daughter had passed away and her other daughter had stopped picking up the laundry for a couple of weeks because her husband had died suddenly. This, and the flu season had taken its toll on Eulah. Her health had spiraled downward and they had nearly lost her.

I looked for Eulah in the halls of the convalescent center, and found her nearly unresponsive. I stood by her bedside and prayed for her, touching her head and caring for her as best I could tears streaming down my face. That was the way I found her the next four to five times that I went there. Once, I found her and she was angry. She didn’t want me around, and so we left, but I came back the next time always visiting her after our service.

The thing is, Eulah can’t speak. She can’t tell me that she’s mad at God for taking her daughter or that she is worried about her other children. All she can do is look at me with her big eyes and hope that I can glean from her expression what I need to know, and I think I do much of the time.

Finally, Eulah recovered and now and then, we still see her. She is still going pretty strong, but I think a lot about the daughter who rushed out of the room during “People Get Ready” that day. I think how meaningful the song must have been to Eulah’s daughter at knowing that she would be leaving soon, that she would need to be ready. I wonder what impact it made. I wonder if she stopped rebelling and got ready. I will have to wait for the answers, but someday, I will know. I will know all of the impact that our ministry had on the hearts of seniors and families. Until then, I will simply be amazed at the beauty and gracious love of God.

Circumstances, Faith, and the Mysteries of God

2011-05-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

I got a particularly difficult question from a woman named Tracy who posted a response and question to my post on Doable Evangelism called “The Kingdom of God.” I still have some angst about my response to her because I don’t think that I particularly answered all of her question in a way that would necessarily satisfy her, and I thought I would use my own blog to flesh out some of my thoughts on the subject.

Some of the things that popped out at me were the struggles that Tracy had expressed in regard to the exclusiveness of Christianity. I struggle with it myself. I’ve heard all the verses and quotes that indicate that “narrow is the way,” and I believe that the way truly is narrow, but I believe that “the way” is a way of loving and living out our purpose according to God’s will.

Sometimes, when all that you have seen are the ugly realities of life, you tend to see life as a living hell on this earth. Yet, there are some who have lived equally difficult circumstances and they have come through them with a firm faith in hand. Two people could live with the same set of circumstances, and yet, their reaction and response to those circumstances could be totally different. One could find a deeper relationship with Christ through the same set of difficulties, and another could reject faith of any kind and go the other direction. I don’t necessarily have an answer for why this is, but I believe that it has to do with the choice God gave each of us.

Perhaps Tracy’s friend was a person of faith and in spite of this he/she died for reasons of faith in a horrible way. Perhaps her friend was not a person of faith and she struggles with his/her death and the possibility of where her friend is now after all of the struggles that life brought. My only understanding of this is that I don’t believe that God views death in the same way that we do. For us, we look at it as an end, but for God it is only a beginning. I think when you view the perspective of life after death as a possibility, and even further as a probability, you begin to see a fluidity rather than a disconnect between life and death and our relationship with the afterlife. I think that God instead views our lives in terms of how we are living out our purpose in our life—not the purpose that we have planned for our lives, but the purpose that He has planned for us.

The circumstances of life can be difficult. Some people’s lives are tossed and tempestuous, while the lives of others are barely touched by life’s turbulence. For me, this is less about a God who doesn’t care and more about a God who has given mankind a choice. We can either choose to live “the way” or choose to live “our way.” Living God’s way means that we choose to use love as our compass and to move always in the direction of love in spite of the circumstances. That is so difficult. I would never minimize the difficulty of that decision. Rather, I would say the possibility of moving beyond circumstance through the medium of love is a greater good and higher achievement that is more valuable and rewarding than anything that evil has to offer.

I remember years ago a story of a man whose entire family was murdered and he was thrown into a prison cell for nine years. After nine years in the prison cell, he was finally released and he was able to express that the time that he spent in the darkness and solitude of his cell was the time that he felt the closest to his creator. How could that be? I believe that it has to do with our need for God. When we are our most vulnerable, that is when God comes alongside us the most and enables us through our difficulties. Is it possible to go through those kinds of situations without God? Sure. People do it all the time, but when we allow God to minister to us in our need, when we are brought low by the devastation of evil and we seek God, we feel the closeness of His presence. We choose whether or not to allow that closeness. When we feel that closeness, it is like a pure dose of brilliance and beauty.

I don’t know all the answers in regard to the mysteries of God and the universe, but I have learned to be content with not having all the answers. I didn’t necessarily give Tracy a good answer, but I hope that she understands that I am not an authority of Christian thought. I have my opinions, but that's all that they really are. I just believe in continuing to look beyond our circumstances for God. I believe in persistently seeking God, asking questions, and searching for the answers. I think God can handle it.

Certainty

2011-03-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

We had driven for an hour and came upon a small campground in the canyonlands of Utah. We all stopped for a short hike and I went off on my own. I was familiar with my home state, and young, I wandered up a small knoll and came to the high point of the area. There, opened up before me were hundreds of miles of canyons expanding out as far as the eye could see. I yearned to feel the presence of God, creator of all that I was seeing, “Tell me who you are,” I whispered, a deep yearning that welled from deep inside me. I stretched my arms out wide, the wind blowing in my face, begging to hear some deep answer. God didn’t reveal Himself to me that day. He waited another ten years until life had broken me and my need for Him was greatest. He waited for the moment I needed Him desperately, and then He whispered back.

I think about that day at times and ponder how I wanted to know God on my own terms. In some way, I wanted to be able to control my faith. I think a lot of people expect that kind of control and certainty in their faith as well. If I look back, he was all over that mountainside. His hand was stretched across it in every canyon, ever bush, every tree, and each grain of sand. God was just waiting for me to notice that He had already been there.

After I surrendered to faith in Christ, I learned one thing, you have to give up certainty. Faith is believing even if you can’t prove it. There is no litmus test for proving that God exists. If we don’t see Him in the stars, sky, canyons, mountains, oceans, and valleys, we’ll never see him in the strange journeys that he takes his believers on.

A friend of mine once told me that he used to have trouble believing all the things he had learned in Christianity. Then, the day came when his wife and daughter lay on the precipice of life and death because of eclampsia, and he had to choose. He had to choose whether he was going to believe or not. He chose to believe.

I yearned for God every day of my life, and in some ways I am still yearning. I had to give up being right about everything in regard to faith. I had to be willing to be wrong. That’s how I approach my faith even today. I don’t pretend to know everything about faith, and it’s clear that I am interpreting faith based on my own experiences in life, but my experience of God is real to me and genuine. It’s different from that day when I stood on that hillside. There’s a certainty in me that wasn’t there then, but it is a certainty in the existence and relationship with a loving God, not certainty on every precept of the bible. I still yearn to understand God’s will and His teachings.

When I meet people who don’t have the certainty that I have, I realize that they are travelling where I once journeyed. I worry more about the people who think they have total certainty. I worry that they won’t be open enough to accept that they might be wrong about a few things. I worry that their certainty will keep them from continuing to yearn for God. I don’t worry about those who say they don’t know everything. I worry about the ones who think they do.

Exercising My Faith

2011-03-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

I don't enjoy exercise. Oh, I don't mind tricking myself into it once in a while by playing an active game (i.e., tennis), but I don't like the everyday kind of exercise that one really should do to stay in some state of good health. I admit it. I realize it, but I have to will myself to get up off the couch and do it.

Unfortunately, I have that same approach to the disciplines of my faith as well. Oh, I like to think that I can just get in touch with God on my terms and in my own good time, but I know that I always end up being the big loser on that score.

This last week, I decided to discipline myself better in my daily prayer time and bible study. I started out well, and I was starting to feel closer to God, but then, something happened and I got distracted. That distraction turned to apathy and apathy to distance. My best laid plans disintegrated by only Wednesday. I suck at this discipline thing--and exercise, too.

Still, even though I don't exercise my faith like I should, I always seem to be involved in some conversation about it or writing something about it. I hope it counts for something. Sometimes, friends will share with me the problems that they are facing. I usually listen, sympathize, and offer to pray. I rarely offer to pray and not follow through. Recently, I let one of our seniors know that I would be praying for her, and she looked at me and said, "You always tell the truth, don't you?" I smiled and told her that I try really hard not to promise if I think that I can't follow through.

You might catch me praying at my desk in the mornings sometimes. I will remember someone and think to pray for them. You might catch me praying on my way to work while driving. I do that out loud and have had some pretty awesome prayers. I don't feel like I need to close my eyes, you'll be happy to know.

I'm pretty good at being in the moment with prayer, but scheduling it is a whole other issue for me. I don't do schedules all that well, I guess. I think it must be the artist in me. So, I keep my prayer loose and fancy free. I mix it up a bit.

I have the most interesting conversations about faith with coworkers, friends, carpool partners, and whoever steps into the lunch room between the hours of 11:30 to 12:30. So, I guess if unscripted exercising counts, then I am exercising my faith practically all the time.

Still, I feel the need for some deep, quiet time with God. I know I have to do it, and it might mean that I get up a little bit earlier, but I have to do this thing. I need to make that connection from deep in my soul so that I can be all filled up when people ask me to empty myself for them. That's why I need it. I can't keep getting more and more empty. I need a refill and a deep connection with God always fills me up. So, maybe I just need another term than exercise. Exercise feels too hard. Maybe it's quality time that I need with God. Maybe I need to start treating my morning quality time like diving into a box of chocolates or sitting in a hot bath tub with bubbles up to my neck. Yeah, not like exercise at all.

Eternal Hope

2010-12-31T08:51:00.000-08:00

Every year, between Christmas and New Years, I get a little philosophical. Well, okay, a LOT philosophical. I think it's because at that time of year we come to a sort of crossroads where the past, present, and future pass so near each other that we become ultra aware of the passage of time.

Here at this crossroads, we come to realize the affect that the past has had on us. We remember it, cherish some of it, and choose to leave some of it behind, but always, we are affected by the things that have happened to us. Always in the present, we take a peek at the possibilities of the future. What will it hold? How will I live in the new future that lies ahead?

We spent breakfast yesterday thinking about the future in terms of technology. I was envisioning that someday we would have a wall panel built into each home that had everything--TV, movies, games, video phone, internet, even home alarm systems. Everything available in one place. How would our lives change with such a world? Would we live better or would we just be distracted from reality?

Already we spend much of our time immersed in fiction. We call it entertainment, but it is a distraction that at times keeps us from living in reality. It hampers our ability to focus on living well by loving others and God. I find myself going to it during this time to feed my soul, but it is without life. It is a bandaid on the soul.

On Christmas Eve, we went to a real church service. We sat in the balcony because it was so full. We stood to sing Christmas songs in honor of a baby born in Bethlehem, and I lifted my voice and let it ring out into the rafters of that church. It was a glorious moment of living in the present and perhaps a different form of entertainment altogether. I watched a family sitting in front of me. Three generations of men attending their church together. The bored seven year old boy, the comfortable father, and the aged grandfather seemed to me to represent the coming together of the past, present, and future.

All three were coming together for one reason--the worship of God. God. The one being who is Eternal. Alpha and Omega. No constraint of time and space, but only Pure Love, Pure Spirit. A thousand years are but a moment to Him. As humans, we are very aware of our short time here, but we try to escape from that awareness. We must secretly long to be surrounded by Pure Love beyond the prison of time and space.

Our one connection to eternity is God, and yet, we distract ourselves from Him in so many ways. If you're like me, tonight you may be watching the ball drop in Times Square on a lifeless screen--a screen with no warmth to offer. Perhaps instead we should be worshipping our God and thanking Him for the glimpse of eternity that we have had in the past and that we have yet to experience. Each glimpse we have of eternity is a gift of Hope to a world that builds lifeless screens of distraction, and yes, the irony is that without the lifeless screen that I am currently typing into, you would never be able to get philosophical with me today.

Have a wonderful and blessed New Year. Don't be distracted from the God who gave us life and Hope that is Eternal.

The Unlikely King

2010-12-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

A king, any king, in our world is a powerful person. He is a person with much money, resources, and influence. Sometimes, he receives all of this just because of what family he was born into. Sometimes, he takes this position from someone else, but the reality is the same. A king has much.

That's why when I think of the story of Christ's birth, I am so amazed. By the world's standards, a more likely choice of the story of a messiah would be more like Moses' story. Here was a baby plucked from a river by a princess to become a prince. Surely, a prince in Egypt could get a lot of things done. Surely, he could use his influence, power, and money to do a lot of good. Wouldn't he? But that's not really how that story went. Instead, God chose the messiah to be born in a place where animals were kept.

Lately, I've been thinking about Joseph. We don't really think too much about Joseph as a player in this story, but it took a lot of faith for Joseph to do what he did. Imagine being betrothed in a time when a betrothal was a contract for marriage. You didn't break a betrothal and women who were found to be with child during betrothal were sometimes stoned to death. So, here is Joseph, suddenly finding out that his betrothed, Mary, is about to have a child and not just any child, but according to her, a child conceived by the Holy Spirit. Okay, then. That would be a pretty tough pill to swallow.

So, Joseph starts to thinking that he will quietly put her away and send her to another area, but then he has an amazing dream. He dreams of an angel who confirms to him that Mary is telling the truth! Mary is carrying the son of God. It must've been a pretty compelling dream, though, because after that, Joseph moved forward in faith.

I still think about him, though. I wonder how many times he still wondered if he and she were going crazy. I wonder how many times, in the quiet of the night, he wondered if he had made the right decision, but he still moved forward and did what God required of him. He married Mary and stood by her. In doing so, he took on the gossip that likely went on about them. It was like admitting that you were the guilty party. Joseph bore that burden along with Mary.

But here's the best part. They wind up in Bethlehem for the census and can only find a place to sleep where the animals are kept and Mary is about to give birth. There they are, sitting, watching their newborn baby when all of sudden a bunch of shepherds come to where they are and they kneel down before the baby. They were sent by a host of angels, they explain. Angels who announced this tiny baby as a king. Could it be more unlikely? Yet, what a wonderful way for God to let Joseph know that as unlikely as all this seemed, it was real. Then, days later, God would make it even more amazing. Along would come a caravan of wise men, carrying with them some pretty awesome gifts for the baby. It's no wonder that when Joseph was told to flee to Egypt, he did it without question and immediately.

The story of the unlikely king is an amazing story of how God does things backwards. If we were writing the story, we would have done something more grand. We would have given the power to the king instead of strip the king of any power or privelege. We would have had him born in a palace, raised to be king, and conquering all the countries of the world. God just doesn't care about those things. He cares about conquering our hearts and to do that, we have to be willing to give everything up. We have to be willing to follow an unlikely king. That's the beauty of how God works in a world that believes that power and fame are the greatest things to attain.

Musings of a Fragmented Mind

2010-11-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

The beauty of the morning is the silent time when the rest of my family is still asleep. It's then that I get the few moments a day to myself that I need so much. It's a personal time of contemplation that makes everything just a little bit clearer for me.

Then, suddenly down the stairs and straight to the TV, bounds my son with all the noise and commotion that he brings along with him. Maybe only adults needs quiet time or maybe just this adult needs it.

When did the TV become our crutch? When there is nothing on it to satisfy our entertainment needs, we start to feel uncomfortable and then the family splits. One goes to the computer at the dining room table, another slips upstairs to the game room, and I retreat to a book that I have been trying to read for over a month. These days, our real family moments, good or bad, come in the car when we're driving somewhere.

"Mom," my son will ask, "What's your favorite movie?" or "Who's your favorite actor?" The questions start a conversation that leaves all of our minds stretching for answers. As much as we watch television, none of us even knows anymore. We are fragmented to a favorite du jour. Do I dare blame the television for that fragmentation or is it media in general?

Regardless of how we came to be fragmented, it seems that we are. This simply means that we have to pause and think about what matters to a generation of fragmented minds. Is pop culture the key to making connections? Do we mold ourselves or try to distinguish ourselves from it? That is really the question that believers have been asking for a while, isn't it? Some take the stance that we should leave all trappings of culture behind while others think we should integrate the culture into our ritual practices. I think we've been asking that question for hundreds of years, really.

I think that the key lies in listening. Listening for the beauty, listening for the pain, listening for the unusual. Whatever we find as we venture forward into our future, we need to practice the art of listening. That probably means having a little quiet time in the morning, but it also means that we have to filter the things we hear in such a way that we filter out what we need to keep. We filter out what matters and draw attention to it. We are the town criers of faith, hope, love, goodness, mercy, justice. We look for it, we point to it, and we shout it out to the fragmented world.

I started this post in the quiet of the morning, but now I hear a TV in the next room and a radio upstairs, but when I slip out the door, I tune my ears to another station. A station where the God of heaven and earth, wisdom and wonder, power and light helps me to defragment and listen a little closer to the things that are important.

So, here I go, ready to start the day, changing channels.

To Church or Not To Church

2010-10-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

A recent post by a facebook friend brought to light an interesting conversation that a lot of people are having these days. She casually expressed an opinion that is currently striking at the hearts of many people in our post-modern era.

Religion is about allowing someone else to create your relationship with God and then to tell you how to live your life, which then gives you someone else to blame when it doesn't work out the way you want. Spirituality is about knowing God personally, knowing yourself and then choosing to live accountably.

In her words, she seems to be identifying the word "Religion" with the institutional church. This person isn't alone. The institutional church has found it more and more difficult to make a connection with people of our era. Why? Maybe because we have started to question the role of the institution in our faith. It's a valid question and one that, I believe, needs to be asked. What role does the church and the bible play in our personal relationship with God?

I think that the question stems from a rising tide of people who don't find what they need inside the walls of a church. Myself included, I find my relationship with God has at times been actually inhibited by my involvement in the institutional church because I have found stringent rules, regulations, and expectations of behavior restrict me. My exit from it came when I started our ministry several years ago and created our own form of church at the facilities where we go. It has been more rewarding than any other church experience that I have had and my relationship with Christ has been strengthened through the process of bringing it to others. I wish everyone could have that experience.

I think that where I differ is that I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I want that opportunity for those who need it and I hope for the day when I find a place to hang my own hat, metaphorically speaking. Still, until God moves me and my family in another direction, here I will be on the outside.

Lately, I have begun to question whether membership with a church is a necessity. I have found that when I become involved with a church my focus changes. It changes from one who is focused on people wherever I am to being focused on the activities of those within the church body. It is a truth that most church bodies are involved in the building of their own infrastructures. For this reason, people within those bodies stop serving the greater community and begin to pour their hearts into their church body's needs. To me, that is an obstacle to growth for the church body and for me.

Ultimately, our walk of faith is to gain a personal relationship with God. If it takes a healthy relationship with a church body to get us there, then maybe that is where we need to be, but the same can be said for the opposite as well. Beyond that relationship with God, our faith should also put us into action of some kind. It should cause us to desire to make the world a better place. If our faith isn't doing that, then it isn't enough.

Our faith needs to be something that we do and not just something that we think about. It's more than a nice, warmy feeling that we experience when we are communing with God, but also a way of living, a way of loving, and a way being. That's why, whether we are inside or outside of our church bodies, we need to be engaged in our world and our community in a way that it changes us and it changes our world. When we are engaged in the beauty of God's handiwork in the world, we move into a position where we are fulfilling the purpose that God has created for us.

I'm glad that my friend posted her little two cents on the board. It inspired me and several others to think about the real priorities of our faith. Faith isn't about where we worship or who we worship with. It's about who we worship and why and what that worship does to make us better.

Too Religious

2010-05-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

I think I have crossed the line of being "too" religious. When my son has a problem or deals with issues, I recommend that he turn to God. When a moral dilemma arises, I consult God. I rely on stories from the bible or other references when I discuss issues of life. I write about God, sing about God, and sometimes dream about Him. I'm too religious. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did.

Some people enjoy the fact that I am focused on faith. A friend of mine once asked me what made me so much more religious than others, and I told her that I had always had a viewpoint that included my faith in the mix, but that a few years ago something amazing happened to me to bring me to an even closer walk with God. That must've been when I crossed the line.

My son made a joke one day that he saw two women standing on a corner and they looked like they were arguing. My husband and son were elaborating on what they could be saying to one another, and my son said, "One of them is saying, 'John is my boyfriend,' and the other is saying, 'John in my boyfriend!' then, mom comes by and she says, 'John the baptist said...'" We all had a good laugh at my expense, but the bottom line is that I am too religious.

I guess it's a little annoying to some people. I try not to inflict my religion on others by always bringing up God, but when I am helping my family with the important issues in life, I call on my faith. When family members are sick, I pray. When friends need counseling I pray and counsel, counsel and pray. My faith is what centers me and it's my compass, but I guess that I am too religious.

We have a song in our ministry that talks about a preacher who was "...long on faith, but short on religion..." I'm long on faith and usually short on religion, but when you're long on faith, sometimes others would rather you were short on it. I don't know how to be short on faith. I've been clinging to it for too much of my life.

Today, I am feeling like I went over to the weird side--a place that I never thought I would be. I feel like I lean on my faith and that in doing so it makes others uncomfortable. I don't bible thump or stand on street corners. I don't expect others to believe like me, but I try to be an example of faith. I try to offer understanding and love to those around me, and when I am acting on faith, I just want folks to know the beauty that I find in following Christ. I want them to know that there is a relationship with our creator that goes beyond the surface, that lasts more than just on Sunday, that we can go to every moment of each day and that's also what makes me weird. That very kind of focus is what makes me too religious.

Too religious. It's kind of funny, really. When I think of the days when I rarely thought about matters of faith. In those days, I stumbled through the day, but never made a soul uncomfortable. In those days, I hated myself and my life, but everyone else felt fine. In those days, I would walk into a bar and wonder why the hell I was there and where was the meaning in it.

Now, as I have finally found a great life of adventure, beauty, and meaning, I am also too religious. I guess I'll take too religious over the alternative, but I wish that there wasn't such a divide. I wish that being too religious could be normal. I wish that others could know that the life I live is so fulfilling and because it's so fulfilling, I would want that for others, but I would also have to warn them that they could possibly cross the line. They could wind up being a weirdo like me--a Jesus freak--too religous.

A Woman in Ministry

2010-05-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

If the business world has a glass ceiling then surely much of the evangelical world must have a glass basement. As women in America become more empowered and assertive, much of the evangelical community still struggles with women’s roles in leadership and service in spite of the fact that the majority of weekly church-goers are women.

I was recently bothered by a headline about a fundamentalist evangelical pastor who decided that women shouldn’t be allowed to teach in the church and therefore, after fifty four years of teaching the kiddies in Sunday school, she was no longer allowed to do so because she was female. So, the matronly 81-year-old woman, who had been a member for sixty years, quietly contemplated leaving her church most likely with her heart firmly broken in two.

I guess it touches my heart because it’s happened to me and because I am a woman who is very involved in ministry. Several years ago when I founded the ministry to seniors that my husband and I still nurture and love, I didn’t stop and think whether it was okay with others as to whether I should serve, sing, preach, and pray with the seniors because I am a woman. Instead, I simply moved forward because I felt that God was calling me to do it. After eight-plus years, I am still certain that this is something that God has called me to do. God also called my husband to serve alongside me and several others as well throughout the years, male and female.

Over the years, however, we have branched out to offer our services for some small churches in our area. Usually, our relationships with these churches come from a friend of a friend who introduces us and never by our personal outreach. One church in particular continually kept calling for my husband. I would politely call them back, but they would continually call and ask for him. I started getting the message and finally asked if they had a problem with women in the church. Reluctantly, they told me that they believed that women should not teach over men and since our service to them was in the form of a music workshop, they wanted my husband. After I spent a few minutes on the phone trying to reason with her, she simply said that if I understood the Greek translation, I would have a better understanding of the word of god. Ah, yes, the old “you can’t understand the translation” tactic. It’s a nice little loophole to throw in the translation issue whenever you want to win an argument.

In matters of faith, we all become pickers and choosers of which biblical verse we want to focus on. The parts of the bible that I underline are most definitely not the same ones that others might underline in their bibles. For instance, I might be more inclined to like Gal 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus,” but it is human nature, I suppose, that we seek to look for the differences among one another rather than focusing on the fact that we are one through Christ. Is it right to use the bible to limit the ministry efforts of others regardless of their gender?

In being one body, we also sometimes forget that as individual members of the body of Christ we are inspired by more than just the bible. We continue to be moved and led by the inner workings of the Holy Spirit within us. The way I see it, if the Bible is our map, then the Holy Spirit must be our compass. I realize that it’s dangerous to say that the Holy Spirit trumps the Bible or that the Bible trumps the Holy Spirit, but right now, it seems as though many evangelicals only want to accept what is written in the words on the page while ignoring the fact that there is further revelation written inside each of us.

God’s Holy Spirit compels me to preach, teach, sing, and lead others in prayer for the sake of serving seniors in our community, yet I am a woman and in Titus 2:11-12, the bible clearly states that I “should learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” Then again, a few verses earlier it also says that I should not pray without my head covered.

I don’t have all the answers, but I know this. If the Holy Spirit tells me that I should be serving others through this ministry, I am going to do it in spite of the verses in Titus. I am going to do it because I know that God has revealed to me another way of living, a way of living that goes beyond the words on a page or the rules made by the elders of a church body. God has freed me from that bondage. That doesn’t leave me free to ignore the message that lies within the pages, but it leaves me free to open myself to the purpose that God has placed inside of me. I believe that each of us have a special and unique purpose designed by God and best expressed through our faith, and God is often unconventional in the way that He gets things done. He often empowers those who are willing despite their race, gender, sexual orientation, or any other identifier that makes us different. God gets the job done. Mankind limits mankind. He took God’s law and used it against his fellow man to elevate himself to appear more pious. Essentially, we’re still doing that.
Jesus didn’t seem to care about roles and labels.

I Am His Jewel written by James and April Terry

2010-03-06T23:18:00.001-08:00

This original song was written by myself and my husband, James Terry. It was also produced and arranged by myself and Tim Frantz.

A Sparrow Falls written by April Terry

2010-03-06T23:16:00.001-08:00

Lean on Him

2010-02-09T08:17:00.000-08:00

On January 2nd, we received a shock when we heard that my mother-in-law had passed away. Pauline passed away on the 6 year anniversary of Vikki's death, my sister-in-law and Pauline's youngest daughter. It was a day that Pauline had difficulty with every year so it seemed somehow right that she would go on that day, although our hopes had been high that she would make it a few years longer.

Now, we all have empty arms. It seems as though everything that we do reminds us that we could've done it with her or she would have liked to do it. I suppose that is all part of the process, a difficult process indeed. Pauline was my mother by marriage, but I have been mourning her just like the rest of the family.

Lately, I have been finding myself strangely absent from my faith. I feel like I am forcing myself to move forward in the things of faith as if it is something that I struggle for. Some folks will tell me that this is all normal, but for me, it really isn't. I have reached and reached for God, but I have found that I am tired of reaching. What happens when you are tired of reaching? Does God reach further for you? Maybe. Sometimes. Not always.

In this pause from all things religious, I have continued forward doing the things that I do. The ministry, the writing, but absent of all of the disciplines of the faith such as prayer, bible study, and yes, the inner God talk. I move forward in a state of limbo as if I neither move forward nor move backward knowing all the while that time will move forward and I will, too, eventually.

So, that's where I stand. I stand on a flat meadow looking at the raging stream that I have just crossed and contemplating a hillside that is yet to be climbed. I know that I will eventually climb, but I am not in the mood. So I wait. I don't know what I am waiting for, but I suppose I will know it when I come to it.

Someday, you will come to that meadow as well and my advice to you is that you don't beat yourself up over it. Know that the meadow as much a part of the journey as the river and the hills. Know that God is so gracious that He can understand our inability to move forward. When we are ready, we will move.

Faith is fluid. It's isn't always strong and it isn't there or not there. Sometimes, it is weak and other times it is strong. I believe that it is strong when it needs to be. I think God understands that sometimes we just need to take a pause.

Sometimes, I play a game with my son where we switch radio stations and right before we do we say, "The next song to play on this station will tell me what I need to know." I played the game and the song "Lean on Me" came on. It seemed so appropriate as if God were saying, "If you really want to know how to make it through the hard times, lean on Me." So, I will, but what does leaning on God during a time like this mean? To me, right now, it means that I have to trust that He is helping me through this even though it feels distant. Maybe He's just distant because He knows I need a break. I'll take that break. It's all that I can manage right now.

Where the Need is...

2009-12-23T11:50:00.000-08:00

I just spent over $370 in groceries for all the family members that are coming to spend Christmas with us, but in sharp contrast to our immediate needs, I just heard about the 29+ deaths of homeless due to the cold this year. I hear stories regularly about the need out there, but the need never directly crosses my path. How could it? We don't run in the same circles. This year, I am going to resolve to cross its path.

About a mile from my house, there is a riverbed where overgrown brush houses the homeless. I think about that as I watch my husband clean the swimming pool in our backyard. There is a great disparity here, and I feel overwhelmed by a powerful sense of guilt.

I do more than some, but I don't touch the surface of the need out there. I know that there is need, but it is so easy to turn on one of the five televisions I have and tune it all out. Still, that voice keeps telling me that there is yet more need out there. It tells me that the sudden drop in temperature will yield still more deaths.

Tomorrow night, the church some of our friends attend will be feeding the homeless. I think that's a great thing, but I also hear that voice telling me that a single meal on Christmas Eve doesn't fill the bellies of the homeless for the rest of the year and doesn't give them a place with a warm bed. You and I have a responsibility to do something about people dying from the cold. So, why don't we?

I guess the reason is that the need is great out there. If you're like me you feel overwhelmed by it. Beyond the homeless, there are also seniors, those who are dying, and those who are struggling to make ends meets. In this difficult time of a poor economy, people cut back on giving, but giving doesn't have to be attached to a dollar amount. Giving can be your time. You and I both know that the still, small voice is calling us to action. He is asking us how and when we are going to give beyond ourselves.

Well, now I guess I have a New Year's resolution. Will you join me in volunteering more this year? Will you step outside of your safe haven and take a risk? In Ventura County, you can do it online at www.volunteerventuracounty.org and nationwide you can go to www.volunteermatch.org

See you where the need is....

Religion or Faith?

2009-12-15T13:45:00.000-08:00

Growing up on the fringes of Christianity, I had very little relationship with the institutional church. What I learned about Jesus was grass roots, a kind of seek and find and much more analytical approach to Christ. Regardless of that, I sought. I found.

The benefits to this kind of faith experience is that I was able to filter out all of the legalism and rituals and skip straight to the core matters of faith, but I found as my faith grew, I started to long for the structure that I had never known. Years later, when I finally started to get involved in a church, I started to appreciate those trappings. I enjoyed the annual cycle of faith and started to learn about advent, epiphany, low sunday, etc., etc. Those became like marked placecards in the cycle of the year where we could remember the events of our faith.

Those who have grown up in the established church, probably take these cycles for granted and don't stop and consider where they come from. I was amazed at them, but only from an external viewpoint. For me, faith become very much separate from the pews, the walls, and the people of the institutional church. I have found it extremely uncomfortable bringing a faith so personal and so intimate into the community of church-goers.

One of the amazing things about my own baptism was that I had received Christ through prayer, but had not become baptized until about four years later. On the day that I was physically baptized, I had minimized the event in my own mind. I thought it just a formality, but I admit that I was interestingly surprised at the outpouring from those who attended my baptism and for the beauty of sharing my faith with my community. Suddenly, my own personal faith became a public acknowledgement of my commitment to follow Jesus Christ and doing this seemed to be the catalyst for my eventual work in evangelism and ministry. To me, it seemed as though God was saying, "Now that you have proclaimed it publicly, I am putting you to work."

Today, I feel like I live stretched across two worlds. No longer attending an instutional church regularly, I bring church to seniors through a ministry. This concept of sending church, rather than just receiving it became my form of worship and it has become difficult for me to receive church from other sources. Not because I am opposed to any of the doctrines, but because I am used to sending church and ministering to others. I am a modern-day missionary, just not in the foreign country.

Religion has become something that I have difficulty wrapping myself inside of. It feels like a cheap wool coat that itches when I wear it, but faith for me is as comfortable as a cashmere sweater. I see the two as separate, but I know that many people identify through the institutional church. For them, it is as much a part of their faith as their own skin. For me, it is separate.

Outside of the corporate church, I fellowship, worship, study, and minister. I am not restricted by rules, mission statements,presbyteries, or synods. I am not limited, yet I feel a pull to bring my child into the institutional church to give him an opportunity to try it on for size. It's at weddings and funerals and other life experiences that I find I miss the institutional church the most.

Saying Goodbye to Newton

2009-12-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

I didn't even have an argument to give tonight when I received the sad news that Compassion International had discontinued funding the project group whom my sponsored child belonged to. As they explained over the phone that I would not be able to contact my child or even send a last letter or payment, I was stunned. I wasn't able to control the tears as I finally let Bill from Compassion off the line. I felt like I just had a child ripped from my arms.

I took my conversation to the next level and asked for a supervisor who could explain to me the reasons that they released my child's project, but all they could say was that there was financial mismanagement and that opportunities were given and warnings not heeded. That doesn't do anything for the sadness that I feel right now. All I can say is that Compassion International could have found a better solution.

In the blink of an eye, 250 children were released because of this decision. My child was the son of church workers. Because of my sponsorship, I put him through seven years of schooling and would often receive reports from him on his progress. He was a real kid of faith, too. Newton would start every letter with "Greetings in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ!"

Newton was always interested in our son. He wanted me to have Noah send him a letter once in a while and he always asked about our dog, too. In return, I sent him long letters encouraging him to continue his studies. I had ideas of meeting him one day or perhaps finding out that he went to university and became a doctor. It was just a hope. A hope that I don't have anymore. It was torn into pieces with the call that I received.

I spent the evening surfing the internet trying to find the city that Newton resides in until my eyes got tired and I knew I had to give up. What's the use? My son went to bed early and my husband's anger burns, but me, I am just sitting here lost, feeling like a mother who has lost her child--and I have. No, maybe not my own child, but I've lost the child that I spent seven years encouraging and it hurts.

If you get a moment, pray for Newton Sunderas in Chennai, India near Anupampattu. Newton's Jesus will be with him, even though I can no longer be there. Newton, someday if you wonder about us and you are looking for the people who put you through much of your school, find me and drop me a line. I want to know whether you became a doctor, a minister, or a street sweeper. Whatever you become, I just want to hear from you. God Bless you and your family.

A Hero in Pakistan

2009-11-11T20:49:00.001-08:00

CNN had a story about a hero in Pakistan named Pervaiz Masih, a Christian, who gave his life by preventing a suicide bomber entrance into a cafeteria at a Muslim women's college. This unknown janitor, though unable to read, blocked the bomber's entrance and saved lives, but he forfeited his own life in the process. Because of his actions, Pakistan's government is calling this humble man a national hero. Imagine. A Christian hero in Pakistan.

We often talk about the costs involved in having our faith, but few in the U.S. have ever faced life and death situations where we must choose to give up our lives for the sake of others. Few in the U.S. face any kind of persecution because of their faith as well, so when I hear a story like this, tears come to my eyes at the purity of the faith of those who must struggle for it.

I believe that we all need to reach toward faith. We should be stretching out our arms to God and continue stretching toward Him everyday. In the U.S., we don't always have to struggle for our faith and we think that it comes easy. We never really think that we might have to give up our lives. We think we are safe and usually we are.

Tonight, in Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a Christian family mourns the loss of their provider. A mother mourns the loss of her son, who gave his life so that others might live. Already living in an apartment house with seven members of his family,
Pervaiz Masih's family must now look for a way to provide. Tonight I mourn along with them.

Pervaiz Masih gave his life for Muslim lives. I hope the world hears that message and starts to value life more. While those who strap bombs to themselves are radicals, so was Mr. Masih a radical. He radically believed in Christ enough to protect the lives of the women in the cafeteria no matter their beliefs and no matter the personal cost.

A Lesson From an Artist

2009-08-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

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Every evening I walk with my neighbor, Sarah, around a course in our neighborhood. We sweat and talk and talk and sweat some more. I’m usually the one doing the most huffing and puffing. The other night, our neighbor’s garage door was open and he sat inside his makeshift art studio, his walls lined with oil paintings of various scenes. I was attracted by the photograph of mother Theresa, complete with the deep lines in her face, yet in the pose of submission all the same. I decided to stop and say hello to our neighbor, so I stepped forward to his garage and admired his work. My dog caused his little black cat to hiss and arch her back, but I was concentrating on the artworks of Jorge Lacoste.

While I didn’t comment on it, it was clear that Jorge was suffering from some kind of disease. His body jerked in awkward directions, but Jorge sat in front of his laptop and offered to send me a link to his website, and so I gave him my email address eagerly and later that evening, I sat in front of the screen and watched a mini documentary about Jorge and his art. Jorge has Parkinson’s disease, but it’s clear that he doesn’t want to be defined by his disease. In fact, in some amazing way, Jorge managed to call it a gift. He calls it that because he was afflicted by Parkinson’s while he was in his final year of law school, but he learned that he had the ability to paint long after his body began to be afflicted by Parkinson’s. In his documentary, George says, “If it’s broke, don’t fix it. Just try to understand it and try to understand and use the gift that you‘ve been given.”

You see, it was only about four and a half years ago that Jorge tried painting for the first time. Since he has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s since 1981, you can see that his talent is a fairly recent discovery and one that perhaps he might not have discovered without his diagnosis and yet he has been driven by some unseen force to paint over 300 paintings.

We often look at the things in our lives that strike us as a curse, and yet, I have found that some of the most resilient and amazing people that I have met were people who have suffered greatly and yet still manage to find a way to embrace their new existence. Perhaps in suffering we sometimes learn things in life that we could never come to know without the suffering. I’m sure that Jorge would agree with me.

God has a way of reaching us when we need Him the most. What we might consider the place of deepest darkness, God sees as an opportunity to tune us into His Holy Spirit. Jorge calls himself a “pipe” through which art is sent. I can relate to that because I have felt the same way about my music and this ministry.

I look out there and see many of you suffering, and I empathize. I can’t always understand it, but I can see it and it pains me at times to realize that it’s there, but there is always something that you can find in this pain that will reach out to you from God. God’s Grace and beauty are revealed when we need Him the most and it takes darkness to feel the need of God, but it is also in that darkness that we find that beautiful joy that can only come from Him. It’s a momentary glimpse of God’s kingdom here on earth, much like our detour into Jorge’s garage.

My prayer for you is that if you are suffering, that it will not be in vain--that you will feel the presence of the Living God who reaches all men from the inside and turns pain into joy and suffering into beauty. He truly does have the power to handle that kind of transformation if only we will allow Him to work His wonders.

You can find out more about Jorge's art at the link above.

Walking Two Miles

2009-07-15T21:55:00.001-07:00

Several months ago, I was pulling into my driveway and a large, unrestrained dog came up and tried to lick my car half to death. He belonged to my neighbor who lived across the street, and she was having a hard time restraining him. She was a small woman of slight build with a frailness to her that I detected. We carefully pulled into our driveway and started up a conversation about her overly friendly dog and I mentioned that a dog of this temperment needed to be walked regularly, but I could see that she could barely handle him, so I casually suggested that perhaps my eleven-year-old son might be able to do that for her since my other neighbor and I made it a nightly job of walking our dog and ourselves for exercise. She was both grateful and took us up on our offer. That started my son's first job and a new relationship with our neighbor.

Over the next couple months, I learned that my neighbor was indeed frail and that her condition was quite serious. She was struggling both with a slow-moving cancerous pair of tumors recently removed from her bladder and also with kidneys that were shutting down. She was very ill, and I listened to her one day in our front yard telling me about it.

Since that time, our new neighbor has grown quite close to us. Above and beyond my offer of help for their dog, my son's quiet and responsible presence in walking their dog regularly became a great relief to them. They look to my son as a welcome presence as their dog waits in the upper window of their house at 7:00 pm each night whining and looking for him to come out and take him on his nightly excursion. My son hasn't shirked his duty and has been quite responsible about it, and it has made our neighbor open up in a way that I couldn't have imagined.

When I turned up with a severe ear infection a week ago, my neighbor and my husband struck up a conversation and tonight she asked how it was going. Thanks to antibiotics, my ear is healing and I am nearly back to normal, but I was touched by my neighbor's concern and the way that she reached out automatically for a welcome hug. To me, this is what life is all about.

Jesus said that if someone asks us to walk a mile with them then we should walk two miles with them. I think that is an awesome statement of how we are to behave toward those around us. Imagine a world where everyone was going further than they had to and where neighbors could rely on one another in times of distress and trouble. That kind of experience is within our grasp, if only we will extend what we are willing to do for others.

When my life is over, I will stand before God and there my regrets will stretch out before me. My regrets will likely not be that I didn't work hard enough at my job or that I didn't achieve enough fortune or fame, but most likely they will be about the time that I spent with those around me and the impact that I was able to make in their lives. I think about that a lot and I pray that my regrets will be few. I pray that when I meet my Maker, I will find that I walked more than two miles and that the miles that I walked were valuable and important to those I shared the road with.

Sometimes, I imagine myself after my death approaching the gates of heaven and I imagine joy and celebration at the reuniting of myself and those I have come into contact with throughout my life. I imagine them greeting me at the gate and welcoming me in and I will for the first time know the impact that my words and love had on them. When I do, I hope that they will far eclipse the regrets or the times that I didn't walk those extra miles.

Your Faith has Made You Whole

2009-05-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

My neighbor told me last weekend that she had recently had one of her kidneys removed and that she had some tumors that were likely cancer on her bladder as well. She had those removed as well last week. Whenever I hear about such things, I get quickly to praying partly because I feel powerless and partly because I believe in the power of God’s healing.

Today, I was reading about several of Jesus’ healings and I was struck by the way that the bible describes it. After each healing, Jesus would often say to someone that their “faith has made them whole.” I wondered what He meant by being “whole” and I also noted that the person’s individual faith seems to be at the very core of the person’s healing.

The word “whole” that is used in the New Testament is from the greek word “sozo” which means “to save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger or destruction…to save a suffering one.” It’s interesting to me that the word healing was not used in this context. The greek word for healing is often “marpe” which means to cure or heal. Another greek word used often is therapeuō from which our word therapy is derived. In both of these words, we tend to think of healing as something that happens to us physically like the curing of a disease or injury. We seldom think about healing in the way that we probably most often receive it which is in the form of spiritual healing. You see, I believe that God doesn’t always heal us in the way that we might expect. I believe that he always saves us from our suffering. He restores us, but not necessarily physically as that may not be the type of healing that we need most.

I have pondered many times over the years why some great people are struck with disease, pain, or tribulations while others’ lives are virtually free from any. Life rarely doles out fairly the infirmities of life. Still, I have found that no matter the highs or the lows of what we suffer through, we always have something important to take from those experiences. The apostle Paul wrote about an infirmity that he suffered from, and he came to God three times with a request for God to remove it, but it was never removed. God’s beautiful response to him was that “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”
Maybe today your strength is also made perfect in weakness. God is a gracious God. He wants to make you whole, but if making you whole means that he is saving you from whatever will prevent you from receiving His love, then it means that healing is not always about our physical bodies, but our spiritual souls. I believe that when we pray for healing, we always receive it, but in what form it comes is a very often a mystery.

Many of my loved ones and neighbors live with a variety of ailments. I would love to be able to stand before them and promise healing, but instead I would rather promise that no matter the circumstances, their faith will make them whole. Whole, to me, means that even though your body, brain, or heart might be breaking down, your spirit is brought to a deep and abiding peace through your relationship with Jesus Christ. That relationship holds the key to the greatest healing that we can receive. Our faith will make us whole. Jesus has promised that to all of us and even if that doesn’t come in the form of physical healing, it comes in the form of peace and abiding love.

Childlike Faith

2009-04-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

I stepped out into the early evening sunshine with a scowl on my forehead. Deep in thought about what I was going to do to get dinner on the table for my family, I wasn't thinking about those around me, only what I was doing and how it was affecting me. Suddenly, a young toddler jumped in front of me, planted both feet a foot apart and gave an unrestricted smile right at me. Even though I continued on, the smile stayed with me for quite a little while and the scowl that was aging my forehead was turned smooth and soft as my eyes crinkled into a smile instead. I wish I could do what that toddler did.

When Jesus talks about coming unto Him like a little child, I realize that this surely must be what He meant. The openness, honesty, and purity that I felt from the little guy was worth more than anything. He wasn't mine, but I wanted to pick him up and cuddle him until all the horrible weights that I have placed upon myself are lifted.

What does it really mean to come to God like a little child? When I was a child, I didn't feel like I was. I thought I was just as equal and important as the next person. Now, when I look back, I am sometimes embarrassed by my childishness. As a mother, I have gotten into the habit of correcting my son on everything that comes up. Obviously, that is a mother's job, and if I didn't, I would raise a child who doesn't respect. So, I get in the habit of viewing children through my mother eyes. Instead, I should be trying to see life more often through my child eyes. The child in all of us sure must still exist. We have done everything that we can to put it aside, but it is still there waiting for us to acknowledge. Perhaps even standing before there daring us to smile again.

I think Jesus knew that coming to him like a child meant without reservation and without question. I think He felt that we should make our home at His feet or perhaps even in His lap, loving Him as the protector that He is. If we could come to our Lord in that way, perhaps we would understand that the adult thinking that we have developed has really been somewhat detrimental to our faith. We have learned not to trust in the adult world and that isn't faith.

Even beyond the way that a child comes to his Heavenly Father, the way a child brings joy and unconditional love into the world is one of life's most precious and beautiful things. If each of us could even for a day or a moment tap into that beauty there is no telling the way it could change the world. That is the kind of beauty that Jesus taught. He taught us to love one another like a child, open and without reservation. He taught us to be accessible the way a little child opens his heart to you. He taught us to reach out to others and to our saviour the way a little child reaches out to be held. That is childlike faith.

I wish I had a button that would bring that kind of accessibility and love to light in my own life. I think that's what Jesus meant when He told us that others would "know us by our love." It's what He meant when He told us to be the light in the darkness and for us to shine like a city on a hill. If I could just once jump in front of someone, plant my feet, and give a beautiful, open spray of sunshine in the form of smile, others might know that my light comes from light of God.

P.S. The picture is my beautiful niece, Eden Grace.

Acting Out of Faith

2009-04-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Every so often, I have a dream about being high up in the mountains and hiking in a precarious area where I could step off a cliffside at any moment. Sometimes, I am just standing in a precarious situation, other times, I am clinging to the side of a cliff nearly ready to take the fall. Sometimes, I am sliding down the slope.

I think we all have times when we are slipping in our lives. Lately, that has been me. I have let a lot of things lapse lately, and they have lain at the back of my brain burdening me until finally I got tired of having them there. At that point, I had to get off the couch and into action.

It's easy to leave our faith in that place in the back of our brain as well, but I believe that faith is a far deeper and important faith when it is an action rather than a reaction. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important that we react to the wonderful gift of salvation that God has given us, but that same faith has to be driven by an action. Faith has to be more than just what we think or feel, it also has to be something that we do.

I learned that lesson when we started our senior ministry six years ago. Before then, faith was something I spoke about, read about, thought about, prayed about. Then, one day, my family and I took a step forward and we made our faith an act. In doing that, our lives were forever changed.

One of the things that I love the most about God, is that He always manages to do at least two or more things at the same time. Through us, He reached out to seniors and showed them their value and worth, and through the seniors, He spoke to us and showed us our value and worth as well. As we stretched our hands out, a spiritual hand stretched out to us and changed the way we approached our God and our community.

That's why I always encourage whomever I meet to take their faith to the streets. Maybe not literally, but I do encourage them to make their faith an act, whatever their personal cause is. Whether we are interested in environmental issues, homelessness, world hunger, human rights, it changes us to be part of the working force of Christ-followers. Let's face it, there are plenty of non-active members of the body of Christ and we need more people who will make that faith an action.

I walked down the halls of one the senior facilities about a year ago, and I saw hundreds of seniors in the rooms of a wing I had never been in. I realized at that moment that I was barely scratching the surface of the need that is out there. What if everyone started to take seriously Jesus' call to visit the widows and homeless? Would the wings of that senior facility suddenly be filled with people standing in line to chat with the seniors?

Faith is an act. It doesn't save us, but it does redeem us and teaches us. When we move into the action of faith, we learn so much more about ourselves and our relationships with others. We learn how to love.

Losing the Winning Game

2009-03-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

My new job at work affords me the opportunity to train people on computers and lately, we have been in the throes of bringing two districts online with a software student information program for schools that our office supports. Today, I had to be the hall monitor for a bunch of adults who think it's okie dokie to write emails while in the middle of training. This is the reason that we tag-team these classes. One trainer stands at the front of the class and the other--in this case, me--stands at the back helping folks through the exercises.

Before the class, I was instructed to step in if anyone was checking emails during class, and I did so--three times. It's the third time that actually was interesting. When I stepped behind this particular person and calmly said, "Could we please stay focused on our task?" she turned to me with a red face and said, "I already know this!" The irony is, that one day I will be getting the support phone calls for these people once they go live with their software. Attitude is everything, as the saying goes.

This week, God has been reminding me of that fact. In my regular post at www.doableevangelism.com on Mondays, I wrote the contrast between strength and weakness. Today, I am considering how it often takes more strength to be a person who is willing to take second than it does to be the one who wins a good fight. It is supported by Jesus' concept of "the first shall be last and the last shall be first." We all should stop a moment and consider exactly what that statement means and what it means when Jesus said, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Huh? The meek? Why the earth? Why do they inherit the earth. I wonder if maybe it's God's way of saying that if we can give up first place, we make a better way in the world.

You see, it's really hard for me to be meek. I mean, really hard, but I find that when I carry off a quiet strength as opposed to a loud agressive one, I am viewed in a totally different manner. Of course, there are times when it's easy to be meek and mild, and there are other times when it just seems so impossible.

In the whole first vs. last concept, we have to consider the fact that we are actually losing when we win. We also have to consider that we are winning when we, in fact, think we are losing. Why? Because the way that God judges things isn't by the standards that we judge them. He thinks it is more important to be good to others than to be right. That's often hard for me to live by, especially when I don't think people are being fair.

Think about how Jesus handled being here. He was a king born in a stable. He lived so that he could die for us. He lost so that he could win. And what was his advice to us? Be last and you will be first. Be first and you will come in last. That is a sharp contrast to a world that tells us that we have to strive for what we get in our lives. It's a sharp contrast to a world with bumper stickers that say, "He who dies with the most toys wins." God has his own bumper stickers and they are totally contrary to what we think they should be. He says to have the faith of a little child, to live by putting others first, to love others as you love yourself, to bless those who curse us, do good to those who despitefully use us, and to walk two miles if someone asks us to walk a mile.

I don't know about you, but I could be a lot better at that.

The Front Page

2009-02-21T17:20:00.000-08:00

My brother-in-law picked up the Sunday paper when we were visiting in Las Vegas, and his wife sat over morning coffee reading it. From where I sat, I could see a cascade of small, square pictures of women of all races and shapes staring at me from the bottom of the front page. Under their pictures, the heading read "Las Vegas' 50 most prolific prostitutes."

I suppose that the paper thought they were doing the good people of Las Vegas a favor. In a city coined as "sin city," it seems ironic that this paper took the time to print these faces on the cover. All were under the age of 26, one only twenty years old. An array of expressions, some hardened, some strung out, one with tears running down her cheeks, my first thought was to wonder where the pictures were of the men who paid for their services. Where were the husbands, construction workers, service men, pimps, congressmen, and perhaps everyday Joes who had contributed to their situations? They weren't on the front page.

So, I prayed over each face. I said their names, read their transgressions, and touched their pictures with my fingers, all the while praying that by the Holy Blood of Jesus, they would find their way out of the darkness. Someday, God will honor those prayers. I believe it with all my heart.

The darkness is in each of us. We like to print the faces of prostitutes on the front page of newspapers, but we don't print the faces of liars, petty thieves, or adulterers. We can forgive a liar. We can tolerate someone who covets everything that their neighbor owns, who mistreats their parents, who lies on their tax forms, but a prostitute--no way! She's much dirtier than us, isn't she?

But God doesn't see any sin as worse than any other. All of us have fallen short of God's glory. If we were capable of being good, then Jesus wouldn't have needed to give up His life for us, but we were far from perfect, and the Perfect One had to give it all to save us. He couldn't give half way because that wouldn't have been payment enough for our dirt. He had to give it all, and He did just that. Even so, it does't stop us from pointing the finger at those who are worse than us. Look at those pathetic prostitutes. It's disgusting. Someone needs to do something about that problem.

About fifteen few years ago, I had to look at the blight of my own sin, and it wasn't really very pretty. It was full of lying, hatred, selfishness, fornication, and materialism. God showed me that my own blight was ugly, but God's beauty outshone all of that. The brightness of God's beauty was so brilliant that it made it possible for me to see that the point of this life is to seek the beauty that God created in us and in this world.

The problem isn't the fifty most prolific prostitutes on the front page. The problem lies in the hearts of all of us. We're willing to point our fingers at the front page in an effort to draw attention away from our own ugly, but it's only temporary. Eventually, our ugly catches up with us. Until we learn to admit our ugliness and give it up to Jesus, we will be just as guilty as any prostitute, murdered, or cheat. There is no way to sugarcoat sin. It's in all of us.

Thankfully, the whole purpose of Christ's death was to give Himself as a sacrifice so that we might live. What a gift. We don't deserve it. We can't do anything to earn it. The only way is to receive it, accept it, need it, be thankful for it. Even knowing that, a lot of Christians still think that they can clean up their own dirt. It doesn't work like that. We have to see the dirt first and realize that the mess is just too big for us to clean up for ourselves. That kind of cleaning job can only be done by One Person.

God gave up His very best for the least of us. The most debased and ugly of souls can receive what God came to earth to offer us. Especially the fifty most prolific on the front page.

The Things We Hear

2009-01-30T06:30:00.000-08:00

We've all read those disclaimers that come in fine print on most of the things that we buy or consume these days and that reminds me of the some of the advice that I've been tossing around lately. I was thinking this morning that maybe I needed a big disclaimer t-shirt or something that says, "These thoughts and opinions are totally honest, but may not be exactly what you might expect or need."

I pondered that after I offered a little advice to my friend and neighbor after one of recent walks around the neighborhood. I just realized that maybe I wasn't very good at doing the one thing that she really needed, and that is to listen. Maybe this problem is fairly universal or maybe I happen to be one of those folks who love to hear the sound of their own voice, but I have decided that somehow I really need to get better at listening.

Great things happen when we listen. We hear where the real need is and we don't obscure it quite so much by trying to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. The thing is, I just wish I could sometimes take my own advice. Oh, well.

I eventually apologized to her and told her that any of my thoughts should be taken with a grain of salt, especially since I don't happen to have a teenager like she has. Thankfully, she was gracious enough to understand, but I wish that I were gracious enough to take a step back.

One thing that I have always noticed and loved about what I read about Jesus was how He had so much restraint. Usually, He would just ask a question and let the person or persons he asked struggle with the answer or flounder at the way that it stripped away the layers of what they were hiding. There is so much wisdom to the way Jesus handled people.

In the end, Jesus' parting thoughts in the world to His disciples was to tell them that people would know them by their love. I love that. It shows how love can burst out of a person in a way that words can't always and it shows how it becomes the memorable thing that people will know about that person.

When I was first married, someone gave me a little book of sayings and one of them said, "If you can learn to hold your tongue at least 80 percent of the day each day, you will have a successful marriage." There's a lot of truth to that, but I think it goes beyond just marriage. I think it goes right into the heart of all our relationships.

I think Jesus knew that there are things that we hear from others that go beyond the actual sounds. They are colored by opinions, judgements, perceptions, and prejudices. We are known by those silent messages and others perceive who we are by them, but often we use sounds to try to obscure them. It never works. No matter how many sounds we make, our real message always comes through and if it isn't about love, it won't impact others for the better. In fact, sometimes, the sounds we make send our good intentions right over the edge.

The Truth as I know it---Or think I know it...

2008-12-30T21:40:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have a long-standing argument. He says that the greatest country song ever is "Heartaches by the Number," but I have and always will think that the greatest country song ever is "He Stopped Loving Her Today" sung by George Jones. Truth be told, it would be hard to pick any one song that could take that honor, and there are so many variables that go into a song--the songwriter, the music, the singer. Then, we have to figure in the fact that each of us have our own experiences and opinions that take us on different roads and cause us to be struck by certain things in different ways.

That's the way I think about Biblical interpretation. We all tend to read things into the Bible based on our own experiences and expectations, but there are a lot of mysteries in it still mysterious, some still waiting to be discovered. After thousands of years of debate, interpretation, and investigation, we still can't all agree on many of the particulars.

I read an article once by someone who believed that they didn't need the Bible. This person thought that the only revelation they needed was right through their own spirit. It's not that I don't think we receive revelation through our spirits, but I think leaving the greatest roadmap to a rich spiritual life out of the picture is like trying to find a bar of soap in the middle of the ocean.

I like that everytime I read it, I find something new in it. It's as if there is something always hidden within the pages that will speak to my heart in a new way. In that way, it becomes both Biblical and spiritual revelation for me.

When I was young, I had a lot of preconceived notions of my own about what it means to be a Christ-follower and what the Bible says and doesn't say. I've certainly had my own fair share of misquotes, but beyond what I think it says and what it actually does say, I have learned that it still holds a lot of important meaning for us today in the real world. Jesus is still very relevant in 2008--almost 2009.

So, rather than argue about the fine details of faith, I have chosen instead to talk about the man Jesus and who He was and what He did for the world. I've chosen to talk about what it means for us--all of us--today. I've learned that even people who don't like Christians, always seem to like Jesus. Jesus reaches past denomination, beliefs, and rituals and reaches into our hearts. He bypasses the brain and goes right for the heart of humanity, but then, he stops and asks our hearts to implore our brains to get involved in a different way. He then asks us to use our brains to finds ways to use our hearts better and more significantly and reminds us that we aren't driven by either a heart or a brain, but by both.

I still say that "He Stopped Loving Her Today" is the greatest country song ever written, but what if I'm wrong. What if one day I go to heaven and Jesus tells me that the greatest country song ever written was "I Fall to Pieces"? What if He goes on to tell me that they are all the greatest, depending on who loves them and what their experiences are? What if He says that each song had its individual purpose and each song had an important part to play in God's creation?

In the end, I just have to remind myself that I don't have all the answers. I have a few, but I am still striving and learning. When I stop striving or learning is when my faith stands still. God doesn't want that because He created me to keep reaching for Him, and so I keep stretching out my arms like a little baby who wants to be held.

Beneath the Tree

2008-11-24T21:19:00.000-08:00

Last week, I made a reckless admission. I admitted to my friend that my spiritual life lately hasn't been all it's cracked up to be. Whatever standards supposedly constitute "the norm" for a healthy and active spiritual life, I have been feeling far below that. In fact, I skipped my regular Monday night bible study this week.

Last week, my friend and I sat in the car on the way home, and I suddenly just blurted it out.

"I don't know if you ever feel this way," I confessed to her, "but lately, I feel like I am just out of touch with God. I know the answer is that I should pray more, read more bible, and get back in touch, but I'm sorry...I just don't want to. I'm tired. I feel like Elijah did when he sat under the tree."

I half expected my friend to tell me that I need to work harder at it or that I need to strive more. I figured she would tell me that I needed to reach deep and just do something more, but instead she admitted to the same thing. She said that she had felt a little out of touch as well. We talked about how we both felt that God was a little distant right now.

I read a book a few years ago called "Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson that spoke about the parable of the vineyard in terms of our relationship with God. At the time, I didn't really relate to the part where he talks about the pruning that God does for those whom He loves, but today after a long period of pruning, I can speak openly about it and I am starting to think that I should. I don't think it's healthy or honest to pretend that I know everything in terms of faith.

Feeling out of touch with God is one of Christianity's dirty little secrets. We like to play the blame game and tell folks that if they don't feel a full spirit-filled life, then something is wrong with them. But what if it's just part of the ups and downs of being in a relationship with a Creator whom we can barely begin to understand? What if it is a normal part of every Christ-follower's walk and we have to bear through it in order to experience the wonder of His powerful love? Or what if we're just tired and we can only give 20% and we have to hope (and yes, pray) that God will make up the other 80%?

One of the most shocking admissions to the community of faith came from the recent release of Mother Theresa's letters. In them, she admitted to feeling out of touch with her saviour. Amazingly, one of Christ's most faithful and humble servants struggled with her relationship throughout most of her life, and yet, she did amazing things in His name.

Yes, I made a crazy admission that I don't always feel like a Christian, but I haven't stopped stepping forward in faith and I haven't forsaken my faith because God has chosen silence. Instead, I sit beneath a tree and wait for the Lord to replenish me. So, here I sit, and when I am done sitting, I know that my Lord will be there patiently waiting for me. I imagine that He will laugh gently and say, "Welcome back, April. I missed you. Tell me what you learned."

Music in My Heart

2008-10-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine gave me a DVD of Rob Bell that she thought that I would like, and she was right. The way he described what I would call a "spirit filled life" was that it was like music that is brought into tune with God. He described it as God having a beautiful perfect note and humanity is not able to properly hear this perfect note over the noise of the world. So, we struggle to find harmony with God's perfect note, and sometimes we might try too hard and other times not hard enough. My friend was right on when she said that this would reach me.

In the Beth Moore series that I am going to at one of our local churches, she used music as an analogy as well. She talked about resonance and how resonance is the sound on a piano that echoes when a note is played. When a c note is played, a c echoes in every other octave. In fact, the entire c chord echoes when a simple c note is played. The analogy being that God is written there in our hearts like resonance.

Of course, for me, a musical analogy is by far the easiest and most accessible way to understand my faith, but music has so many interesting similarities to the way we interact with the Holy Spirit. Music is something that we have to hear to experience, and the Holy Spirit is the same. Without listening, we struggle to hear the beautiful symphony that is there echoing in our hearts.

I think that's one reason that we open up to the workings of the spirit when we are listening to music. It reaches us because it bypasses the analytical red tape that we put on most of the things we listen to. Music goes straight to the right side of the brain and reaches into our emotions and tugs. The Spirit of God works in the same way.

When I think of being in harmony with God, I start to think about aligning my heart, mind, and soul with the things that He asks me to do. Not because I am a slave or a robot, but because I no longer wish to live out of harmony. In that sense then, my faith once again becomes an action, but it also is something I experience as well. Faith is an act that resonates throughout the world and compels the world to become harmonious with God. What a beautiful way to think about faith.

Sometimes, when I am reaching deep into my spirit, I feel the same sense of peace that I feel when I play the piano. For me, playing the piano has always been a comfort and a calming experience. When I am most stressed, I will sit at the piano and play my music.

Maybe each of us have to find that centered place, whether it's music, feeling the wind in your hair, or riding a wave on a surfboard, we need to experience that kind of harmony and balance with our creator. When we do, we will hear God's perfect note playing in our hearts and know that we are not just a planet hanging in the middle of an empty universe, but a living planet filled with living souls, being gently held in the palm of a loving creator who would be willing to die for us.

2008-10-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

My friend and I had a good laugh when we started a recent Bible study on Mondays. It's a Beth Moore study and they planned on showing her videos every other week, and on the other weeks we break into small groups and discuss the chapter. On the second week of the study before breaking into small groups, they handed us a list of Do's and Don'ts. At some point in every Bible study, I have probably violated at least one or all of those rules. One was a caution for us not to judge, one a caution not to offer advice, and another was not to try to fix things for others.

There's something about rules that just compels me to want to break them. I don't know why that is, but it's my nature. I guess it comes from being told all the things that I can't do. It makes me want to prove folks wrong.

I was thinking about this today because we have a young son struggling through his pre-teens right now and he hates rules like I do. Sometimes, we find ourselves struggling against the struggle itself, and it seems rather pointless.

It reminds me of a saying that I once heard, "If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!" Too often in life we want to be the pilot, and we don't even know how to fly. We can't see more than a foot in front of us, and everything behind us is a mess, but that doesn't stop us from trying to take the wheel and do all the navigating.

This evening, I made a quiet attempt to help my son to understand the importance of relying on God. It's a difficult concept because while I want him to learn to lean on God's understanding, I also want him to step forward and reach toward what he needs to accomplish. Obviously, God isn't going to come down and do Noah's homework, but he might help to make it easier for him to understand. That's why it's a complex thing to share with an eleven-year-old.

The reality is that I catch myself forgetting to rely on God all the time. I start getting all stressed and I think that I have to do more and do it faster, but God doesn't do things on my terms. He does them on His, and basically He does everything pretty much better. I do better when I stop trying to do things under my own power, and I start relying on His power.

That doesn't mean that I stop working and start living on a beach in Costa Rica. It simply means that I keep working hard and keep asking if I am doing these things for my will or for His will. Giving up my will doesn't make me a weak person, but a strong one because it takes more strength to give up the power that you hold. Letting God lead me doesn't mean that I am wandering aimlessly either. It means that I am taking a path far more superior to the path that I might have chosen.

Over the years, I have learned to lean more on God's will and less on my own because the results are so much better. I've always liked the way it is worded in a Twila Paris song, "Could it be that He is only waiting there to see, if I could learn to love the dream that He has dreamed for me?"

If we could learn to love God's dream for our lives, we could live a life of beauty and hope that would go beyond our wildest dreams. Sadly, we struggle daily with our own desire to live the dreams that we have for ourselves.

I used to want to be a singer more than anything in the world, but God's dream for me was greater than that. He had a plan for an adventure that would open my eyes and my heart in a greater way. As Robert Frost put it, "Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference." Now I realize that God's dream for me was more beautiful and fulfilling than any dream I could have had. I think that's why people who attain their dreams often find themselves unfulfilled even after they have reached their goals. We look at them and we think that they have it all, but unless they are living God's dream for their lives, do they really have it all? Maybe they have far less than those of us who are living the wonderful, spirit-led, adventurous, and exciting dreams that God has planned for us.

That's the Story of...That's the Glory of Love

2008-10-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

I'm spending my last half hour of my reign as queen of my office writing this little ditty. Partly, because I am leaving early and I already moved everything, including my pens and paper, into my new office. I hardly know how to stop being a secretary because I have been one my entire adult life and starting Monday I will have to redefine myself once again.

It makes me think about the way we view ourselves. We think of ourselves with all kinds of labels, mother, wife, divorcee, sexy--hopefully you're using that last one. Even so, the labels that we use on ourselves and others somehow seem to categorize us into limited spaces that are supposed to define who are and what we are about. I hate labels, but I know that in some cases they are necessary. Still, there are many labels that are like a prison that we keep ourselves within.

One of my favorite pastors, Tony Campolo, was interviewing Shane Claiborne author and revolutionary red letter Christian. In this interview Shane talked about a survey he took where he asked Christians if they believed that Jesus knew any poor people. Overwhelmingly, 90% of Christians answered that they believed that He did. However, when Shane asked if they knew any poor people, only about 5% indicated that they did. This shows a very clear caste system in place in the United States today and since 80 % of the world is currently living in poverty, it seems so wrong that we aren't doing much about it.

I get regular letters from a young man named Newton in India. For many years, Newton has been receiving assistance through Compassion International from my family. In nearly ever letter, I am amazed by Newton. One year, when I sent a cash donation for his birthday, he wrote back to tell me that his family had used it to purchase a gas stove.

I'm not casting any judgement on the American people. To be honest, Newton is the only really poor person that I know and while I give in service to the seniors in our ministry, I am still convicted by my own lack of the ability to give even more. I guess I just want to be part of something that will break through the caste systems and the labels and move into the arena of loving better.

Of course, the barriers that keep us safe and comfortable aren't that easily broken because the kind of love that Jesus offered and taught requires sacrifice. Most of us, myself included, aren't ready to sacrifice all that much, but if we go back to Jesus' story, we see sacrifice everywhere.

If being like Jesus means sacrificing like Him, then we have to find a way to eliminate the barriers between us and those who are in need. Doing that has to be a process because it isn't something we do overnight. We have to work our way through situation after situation until God finally brings us to ledge and then, it all starts again.

That's the story of, the glory of Love.

Twelve Steps to Trusting God

2008-09-12T14:33:00.000-07:00

I was recently offered a new job within my own department, and I am very excited about it. It will be a great change for me, but it is definitely outside of my comfort zone. I have been thoroughly engrossed in my own drama leading up to getting this job, and now, as I look back over the last two weeks, I realize that God has been working there behind the scenes.

I used to think that I was a courageous person, but the more that I get to know myself, the more I realize that I am not all that courageous in many areas of my life. Sometimes, God has to push me to the edge so that I find out that the slope below isn't quite as steep as I might've thought. I am, at times, my own greatest obstacle.

I think one misconception about courage is that it isn't about a lack of fear. Fear may very well be present throughout, but courage is when we move forward in spite of that fear. I don't always have courage.

I can look back over the years and see the times when God pushed me forward so that I could move ahead. I can also look back and see times when I should have stepped forward, but I held myself back because of fear.

Recently, a friend of mine pointed out that allowing fear to hold me back was akin to not trusting God. I think that's true, and as I look back over the last two weeks, I realize that the entire process would have been so much smoother and easier had I let myself truly trust God.

I spoke about this with a friend over lunch today, and I told her that if I have to be honest, I have to admit that if I were to do it all over again, I am not all that sure that I would be able to do anything different. To put it simply, I have some bad habits and I go right back to them in spite of everything I may have learned. For me, my habits are kind of like an addiction that I have to certain behavioral responses.

Another friend was talking about her pastor's recent series of messages based on the twelve steps program and so I looked up the twelve steps myself to see if they were applicable and I found that they are incredibly lovely and meaningful.

Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Reading through these twelve steps, one has to realize how important they are to all areas of our lives. Striving to be honest with ourselves and others, striving to admit our failures, improving our relationship with God, praying for knowledge of His will for us, and praying for the power to carry that out.

I realized that if I applied these principals to my life in all ways, I might be able to put to rest some of the recurrent personality problems that hold me back. My failures may not involve alcohol or drugs, but I have them all the same. No wonder the twelve step program is so successful.

In the end, these steps seem to signify a path--a path toward trusting God, and a path that anyone would want to be on. As I look at the personality flaws that I continually battle with, I realize that they are a direct result of the fact that I have not allowed God to enter into certain areas of my life so that He is free to work His healing. Even fresh from knowing my failures, I am reticent to let God meddle there. All that tells me is that I need to start at step one and work through the reasons that I am not trusting God.

Facing the Unknown

2008-09-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve been interviewing for a job within my own department this week, I have felt like I was in a real struggle. I’ve worked for eighteen years in basically the same position and I have been good at what I do, but this new position is really stepping beyond my comfort zone.

So, it isn’t surprising that my message to the seniors last week was about the facing the unknown because this week I have really faced that unknown. I don’t know what will happen now. I have done all that is within my power. What I do know is that no matter what the consequence, I know that God will protect me and guide me through this process.

Throughout this time, I read a portion of the Old Testament about the prophet Elisha. In reading, I found a wonderful little story about Elisha’s servant, who awoke one morning to face the ultimate unknown. He awoke to find chariots and many men surrounding the city where Elisha dwelled and of course, his first words to Elisha were, “What do we do?”

In contrast, Elisha seemed pretty calm. Of course, he had probably seen some pretty amazing things by that time. He was strong in his belief and had seen the power of God, among things he had seen was that he witnessed his predecessor, Elijah, ascending to heaven in a chariot of fire. So, Elisha wasn’t unnerved by what he saw outside. Instead, Elisha prayed that his servant’s eyes would be opened and that the veil to the heavenly forces working for them would be lifted so he could see what it looked like on their side. Suddenly, servant could see horses and chariots of fire surrounding Elisha. In seeing this, he no longer worried about what Elisha faced.

I sometimes wish that God would lift that veil for us when times are the hardest, but something in this story about Elisha’s servant gives me comfort. It gives me comfort in knowing that God doesn’t want me to fail and is willing to fight for me. It also gives me comfort in knowing that my God will prevail when He wants to. That means that His plan for me is greater than my plan for myself and that His plan is already in the works.

Elisha’s story gives me courage to stand up and be courageous, and I don’t have a tendency to have that kind of courage in some areas of my life. I would play it safe my whole life if it weren’t for the God who gives me courage.

What unknown do you face? Do you stand on the precipice of the unknown and are you struggling with that unknown like I am right now? If you are, then remember along with me the story of Elisha’s servant who once stood on a precipice. All he could see was the power of the seen armies, and the unseen armies were greater once the veil was removed. We have to train ourselves to think in terms of the unknown more often. We tend to forget that God is interactive and present in our lives, but if we can lift the veil ourselves and believe in the power of the unseen, we will find that God is our greatest advocate and there is no greater advocate.

Memories, Marathons, Olympic Wins, and God

2008-08-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

My husband gave the message last Sunday for our ministry and it was great. I think he is shaping into a fine speaker of all things faith. Anyway, the story that surrounds his message is worthy of repeating so I am taking license and sharing with you his inspiring story rather than one of my own.

My husband was writing his message about our son taking the physical fitness test, and it reminded him of the presidential fitness test that he had taken as a young man. The principal had promised any young person who passed all portions of the test a presidential fitness medal and my husband was excited when he first heard about that. Until, that is, that he found out that almost every kid fails at least one portion of the test.

For him, the difficult portion of the test was the one mile run. It was further hampered by the fact that the ladies' gym teacher was the one who ran that portion, and she was a world class distance runner. In fact, she was a groundbreaker in the long distance running world. She ran her first marathon in 1971 and held the world record for women during the years that she taught at my husband's school.

My husband remembers that she lived around eleven miles away from school, and that she ran to and from school everyday. She made the boys run the mile half way up hill and then back down again.

My husband was working on a sermon that talked about running the marathon for Christ. I thought it was a good analogy because he talked about not being a person who just runs the fifty yard dash, but staying in there for the long haul and making our faith in Christ something we take to the finish line. That's a great message for the seniors we minister to, in my opinion.

He sat at the computer late into the evening working on the finishing touches of his message about marathons and forty yard dashes and Christ in the long haul, including the story of his former teacher. My husband is a bit of an insomniac and so he tends to stay up late doing these things. He had largely finished his message, but was editing it and he had the television set on behind him with the Olympics on. It was about 1:00 am when he heard his former teacher's name spoken on the television. He turned to listen more closely to see his teacher from thirty-five years earlier sitting in the stands at Beijing watching her daughter, Shalane Flanagan, compete in the 10,000 meter run.

The network kept showing the proud mother and former champion's face as she watched her daughter, and for the next ten minutes my husband sat in wonder watching Ms. Flanagan win a bronze medal for the United States in the 10,000 meters. He was thrilled for his former teacher and was able to see the look of sheer pride on her face as her daughter crossed the finish line.

For my husband, he thought instantly of the graciousness of God. He was so thankful for the opporunity to see that historic moment as he was completing his message to seniors about the very person who had reminded him of the importance of going the distance. He told me that some people would brush that kind of thing off as a mere coincidence, but he knew that things like this happened all too often.

I've had my share of God moments like that one, but I was deeply touched by his story. He told it to three different senior facilities that day, and I cried every time he told the story. I'm grateful that God was gracious enough to reinforce my husband's faith like that.

Sometimes, we might start to think that our God can't be bothered by the little cares of our day. We might think that he doesn't give us encouragement, but I think that underestimates our God. He lives for the opportunity to show to us the greatness of His love for us. When we step out on the edge for Him, He rewards us with encouragement, assistance, and He even does it for us sometimes. This time was no different. God looked into the future and found a moment in time to add an addendum to my husband's message and I love a God who does that. It makes me want to run a marathon for Him.

The Spirit of Fear

2008-08-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, I had a strange dream. It didn't take place anywhere, but I was suddenly aware of a presence. In my dream, I identified and named the presence as the spirit of fear. Suddenly, I was overcome with fear and I started to pray the Lord's Prayer and any other prayer or Bible verse that I could remember. At this point, I was still asleep, but the fear overwhelmed me and woke me out of my sleep. The fear remained, but the dream had gone. I continued to pray until I was able to go back to sleep.

Fear is a very real part of life and I have been afraid of a lot of different things in various times of my life. I worry about my son, my husband, and my own health. I worry about my job. I have also been afraid of change in many ways. I worry about a lot of aspects of my life, but I believe that fear is the opposite of faith.

If I am worrying or fearing things, I am not focusing on a God who can provide for me. I have no reason to doubt God's ability to provide me with all that I need. He has been gracious with me, but the human side of me forgets about all that and I start thinking about the things that could go wrong.

In my dream, the spirit of fear came from outside of myself. It didn't come from within me, and yet, it permeated through me and caused me to awake in the middle of the night. Likewise, in our lives, I think that fear comes from outside factors, but it is like a stain that spreads through us and infects all areas of our lives. It affects our ability to hear God's voice.

Last month, Amber, one of our members of New Hope Road, gave a great message about fear and faith. She illustrated that leaning on our faith is what rescues us from our fear. It seemed a very appropriate message for the seniors that we serve at the senior facilities. A lot of them suffer from great fear. Sometimes they have reason to be afraid and sometimes it is manufactured, but it is always real to them. Still, the topic of fear is very relevant to all of our lives at any age.

We sometimes forget about the power of our God and in some ways limit Him in our minds. God is a God of great strength. In Mark 9:16 there is a story about a man who brings his son to Jesus for healing of a "dumb spirit." The way the story is described, the boy is brought to Jesus and immediately falls onto the ground, writhing and foaming at the mouth. The man explains to Jesus that his disciples had tried to cast out the spirit, but had failed. Jesus said to the father of the boy, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to those who believe." The interesting part of the story is that the man started to cry and said to Jesus, "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief."

I can relate to this man who would cry out to the savior and say, "Help me my unbelief." Faith isn't always possible to find rising up from within me, but often comes out of my quest for it from God Himself. God is gracious, though, He delivers what we need as He reaches past more than half-way to meet us where we are and where our fear resides.

The answer to fear truly is faith, but when we can't find that faith within, we can call to God through our tears and He reach down and lead us there. What a beautiful, loving God.

God's Symphony

2008-07-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

Around the corner and down the street lived a young man named Kevin in the neighborhood where I grew up. The quick way to get to his house was over my back fence, through the empty lot, and across the road. He spent hours upon hours shooting hoops in his front driveway at home. I had the biggest crush on him, but I imagine that he thought we were just friends. I was just one of the guys in those days, because even though I loved to play with Barbie dolls, I could hop a fence as quick as any of the neighborhood boys. Those were some pretty innocent summer days.

I guess I am rewinding the hands of time because I just got back from my twenty-five year class reunion and I have to admit that it was very different. I grew up in a fairly small town and I knew every person in my school very well. Many of us had gone to school together since elementary school and we knew each other well, but twenty five years have passed since we tossed our caps in the air on graduation day.

There I was, staring at a group of strangers all of whom had very familiar faces, personality traits, laughs, and mannerisms--but strangers all the same. A whole spectrum of emotions swept across my mind and I felt pretty overwhelmed, but the thing that I noticed the most was just how different I am.

This morning, I listened to a verse where Jesus instructs his twelve disciples. It's Luke 9:1-5:

Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases. And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick. And he said unto them, Take nothing for [your] journey, neither staves, nor scrip, neither bread, neither money; neither have two coats apiece. And whatsoever house ye enter into, there abide, and thence depart. And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them.

When I heard this verse this morning, I was struck by the part where Jesus tells his disciples to shake off the dust from their feet. Essentially, he's telling them not to let those who disagree with or reject injure their hearts. It took me a lot of years to learn that lesson.

I'm sure that a lot of my schoolmates think that I am totally different from the person they grew up with as well. Beyond the weight gain and the aging process, I am very different as an adult. I have a confidence that I never had back then because I allowed the opinions of others to injure me. Now I realize that it isn't really the fault of those who had the opinions. They likely had their reasons, and some of them were very valid, but it was more my own fault for not learning early enough to shake the dust from my feet and move on.

Still, I find it cathartic to a certain extent to let my mind travel back over the memories of the past occasionally. It gives me a moment to re-evaluate what I was and what I have become.

Like my classmates, I am different and yet, also like them, I am also strangely the same. At our graduation dinner in 1983, they handed us a sheet of paper, a pencil, and an envelope and asked us to write a letter to ourselves to be opened at our twenty year reunion. I remembered writing a beautiful piece of prose that made me cry when I wrote it. I asked myself questions about what I had become and whether I had achieved my dreams, and over the years I would think of that letter at times. I had forgotten what I actually wrote, but I remembered that I asked myself questions. I was embarrassed to read the letter when I finally received it, and so I tucked it quickly into my purse. My husband asked me about it and wanted me to read it, but I was embarrassed and so I wanted to read it first. I thought that it would be the silly dribble of an eighteen-year-old adolescent, but when I read it, I saw a view of myself almost as if I were looking from the outside in. The note read, "Do you still have the three things you love the most--God, Music, and Writing?" I laughed when I read it because I still did. I hadn't changed as much as I thought I had.

My life didn't turn out the way that I would have orchestrated it. It had a lot of disappointments, but it turned out the way God orchestrated it and I think that is even better. He knew better than I the man I should wait to marry. He knew better than I the way that I would use my music as a ministry. When I look back, I realize that had I done my own orchestration, my life would be a haphazard symphony of losses and failed attempts. Instead, my symphony has been composed and directed by the ultimate Conductor who continues to compose the wonderful adventure that is my life.

Dog Eat Dog

2008-06-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

I used to rule the roost where I work, and when I spoke, people would listen even if they didn't like what I was saying. I don't know why, but they did and that lasted for a lot of years until my new boss came in a few years ago. Then, I felt that I was disempowered and sent plummeting back to earth where I learned that I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. It was a little humbling for me.

At about that time, a new girl came to town. She was everyone's favorite and suddenly I became the old and she represented the new. Everyone's attention turned to the new and the old sat around disempowered and slightly ornery about it.

I worked through that difficult time, and somehow managed to get past self enough to finally figure out that my job was just an ends to a means that would pay the bills and help me on my way to doing what I really wanted to do, which is further Christ's Kingdom here on earth. God did a lot of work with me during the last few years, and He showed me where my priorities were.

This week, she was disempowered and I felt sorry for her because she will probably be leaving soon. The star pupil, the bright star, the hope for their future is moving to better horizons and it was done with hardly a blink of an eye or a hint of sadness.

It brought to my mind thoughts about loyalty, and I realized that it was the one thing that was lacking here. I guess there is always a better pupil, a brighter star, but I kind of think that he moved on pretty quickly. It seems like we are doing a lot of that these days.

Nowadays, when I tell people that I have worked for this organization for over 18 years, I get wide eyed looks. We recently held a celebration for a coworker who had retired from the organization after 37 years, but those 37 years meant that he had to work for a lot of bosses and a lot of things changed for him. I was touched when he spoke at his own retirement celebration and talked about how he had hired the woman who was now his boss, and how it had been wonderful to see her pure potential surpass him and how he felt about that. He was a great guy.

Loyalty doesn't come around very often these days. I read recently that two and a half years is the average amount of time that most people work for organizations. That's kind of sad. That means that we are always hiring people and retraining them. In some ways that is a good thing. It brings change and progress, but in some ways it isn't good.

In some ways, I was forced to turn off my own loyalty to this organization and to begin looking at it differently. I started to view my contribution as it were a skilled service that I provided this organization in return for pay. I just worry about the lack of empathy around the world these days.

Jesus was all about empathy. I always think about the part of the bible where it tells the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Before he did, he was moved at the sight of Mary's sadness. The bible says that he "groaned in his spirit, and was deeply moved." Shortly after that, the bible says simply, "Jesus wept."

I think about a God who would weep for us and I am grateful for that kind of God. That is the kind of God that I could follow to the ends of the earth. I picture Jesus weeping and I find no weakness in it.

I wonder how different the world would be if we used empathy in our decisions. Would we be willing to give up some progress and bottom line revenues in return for taking care of those who work under us? I am not so cynical that I think that it doesn't happen anywhere, but it is definitely not the majority. I think there should be a revival of empathy and loyalty in our world. Where did that horrible saying "dog eat dog" come from, anyway? It's a horrible mental picture and an even more horrible philosophy. Let's start a campaign for a "dog save dog" world.

The Many Aspects of God

2008-06-10T13:26:00.001-07:00

This sunday is Father's Day and I will be giving the message for the seniors. With Father's Day, I am always contemplating my relationship with God and how I view Him. This contemplation reminded me of a conversation that I heard from a short snippet on "The View."

In their conversation, the question was asked as to whether or not God was a man or a woman. Immediately, most of the answers came up that God was spoken of as a man, but Whoopie's comment was that she didn't really feel that God was one or the other, but both male and female.

When I think of God, I usually think of Him as my Father. However, I know that it is equally important to view God in different ways so that I can contemplate the different aspects of God's personality because I don't really think that God's holiness is one or the other. I think that gender is completely a human aspect that we have imparted to God.

The reason for viewing God as a male father figure is simple. In doing so, we view Him as sovereign, in charge, head of everything. We view Him as the authority figure of our lives which is an important view to have of God. However, if we were to stop and think of God in feminine terms, it might add to our perception and we would think of God in terms of being a nurturing, loving, and accepting God, much like a mother is. When I think of Jesus, He then becomes the wise friend, the mentor, the guide in my life. When I think of God in terms of the Holy Spirit, I think of the pure essence of God's spirit and mystery, setting aside the visual or tactile images of God.

When the bible describes God's followers as His "bride," I have a more difficult time seeing God in that light, but I think that it's probably because it's an area that I need to grow in. Perhaps deep down God and I have intimacy issues. Still, there are some parts of my faith that are so incredibly personal, I struggle with expressing them to others.

The description of God that I love the most is the concept of God as my savior. I love thinking about how grateful I am to the God who died for me even though I didn't deserve it. I figure that must come from the romantic in me who likes to imagine my savior riding in on a white horse to rescue me.

I don't think that viewing God in all of these ways is such a bad thing. I think God transcends anything that we can ascribe to Him or perceive about Him and I think that contemplating God in terms of different personality types or roles helps us to consider all the elements of God's complex personality. God is all of these things.

So, while I look forward to Father's Day, thinking about my God as "My Father Who art in Heaven..." I also consider Him in terms of the other aspects of His personality and all the different ways that He has revealed Himself to me. I found this wonderful list of all of the ways that God was described in the new testament. These names remind us of the wonderful multi-faceted God that we have.

Yeshua Of Nazareth: (Matthew 26:71)
Messiah: (John 1:41)
The Son: (John 8:36)
Only Begotten Son: (1 John 4:9)
Beloved Son: (Matthew 3:17)
Son Of David: (Matthew 1:1)
The Root And Offspring Of David: (Revelation 22:16)
Son Of Abraham: (Matthew 1:1)
Abraham's Seed: (Galatians 3:16)
Son Of Joseph: (John 1:45)
Son Of Man: (Matthew 26:64, see Daniel 7:13)
Son Of God: (Matthew 26:63)
Son of the Father: (2 John 1:3)
Son Of The Most High: (Luke 1:32)
Only Begotten God: (John 1:18)
Firstborn: (Hebrews 1:6)
Firstborn Of All Creation: (Colossians 1:15)
Beginning Of The Creation Of God: (Revelation 3:14)
Firstborn From The Dead: (Revelation 1:5)
The Last Adam: (1 Corinthians 15:45)
Rabbi: [Teacher, literally "my great one"] (Matthew 23:8)
King Of Israel: (Mark 15:32)
King Of The Jews: (Matthew 27:37)
The Word: (John 1:1)
The Word Of God: (Revelation 19:13)
The Word Of Life: (1 John 1:1)
The Life: (John 11:25)
I AM: (John 8:58, see Exodus 3:14)
LORD: (Romans 10:9-13, see Joel 2:32)
God: (John 1:1)
The Man: (John 19:5)
Immanuel: [God with us] (Matthew 1:23, see Isaiah 7:14)
Master: [Chief, Commander] (Luke 8:24)
The Expected One: (Luke 7:19)
Savior Of The World: (John 4:42)
Savior Of All Men: (1 Timothy 4:10)
The Deliverer: (Romans 11:26)
The Prophet: (John 1:25, see Deuteronomy 18:15)
Holy One: (Acts 3:14)
Righteous One: (Acts 3:14)
Prince: (Acts 5:31)
Prince Of Life: (Acts 3:15)
Living One: (Luke 24:5)
Judge Of The Living And The Dead: (Acts 10:42)
Stone: (Mark 12:10)
Chief Cornerstone: (Mark 12:10)
Chief Shepherd: (1 Peter 5:4)
Good Shepherd: (John 10:11)
Shepherd And Guardian Of Our Souls: (1 Peter 2:25)
The Lamb: (Revelation 5:12)
Passover Lamb: (1 Corinthians 5:7)
Lamb of God: (John 1:36)
Lion Of Judah: (Revelation 5:5)
Advocate, Counsel For The Defense: (1 John 2:1)
Light Of The World: (John 8:12)
King Of Kings And Lord Of Lords: (Revelation 19:16)
The Faithful Witness: (Revelation 1:5)
The Faithful And True One: (Revelation 19:11)
The Amen: (Revelation 3:14)
Servant: (Acts 4:27)
The Bright Morning Star: (Revelation 22:16)
Sunrise From On High: (Luke 1:78)
The Apostle: (Hebrews 3:1)
The Great High Priest: (Hebrews 4:14)
The Author And Perfecter Of Faith: (Hebrews 12:2)
The Chosen One: (Luke 9:35)
The Mediator: (1 Timothy 2:5)
The Way, The Truth, And The Life: (John 14:6)
The Door: (John 10:7)
The Alpha And The Omega: (Revelation 22:13)
The First And The Last: (Revelation 22:13)
The Beginning And The End: (Revelation 22:13)
The Head Of The Body, The Church: (Colossians 1:18)
Head Over All Things: (Ephesians 1:22)
Heir Of All Things: (Hebrews 1:2)
The Image Of The Invisible God: (Colossians 1:15)
God's Mystery: (Colossians 2:2)
Horn Of Salvation: (Luke 1:69)
The Power Of God: (1 Corinthians 1:24)
The Wisdom Of God: (1 Corinthians 1:24)
The Beloved: (Matthew 12:18)
The Brigegroom: (John 3:29)
The Bread Of God (John 6:33)
The Bread Out Of Heaven: (John 6:32)
The Bread Of Life: (John 6:35)
The True Vine: (John 15:1)
The Vinedresser: (John 15:1)
The Resurrection (John 11:25)

Hypocrisy is a Human Condition

2008-05-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

It seems that the biggest complaint about Christians is that we are hypocritical. I totally agree. We are. In fact, I would argue that everyone is hypocritical, Christian or other, in our own way. Christians don't necessarily hold the patent on that little problem. I think it's a problem of the human condition, rather than just a Christian problem.

Somehow, it looks worse on Christians. If we say one thing and do the opposite, we have a host of folks looking at us and pointing a finger saying, "Ha, and you call yourself a child of God!" Christians are as subject to failure as the next guy, and being a follower of Christ doesn't mean that we aren't going to make mistakes.

I think that biggest mistake that we've made is inflicting our faith on other people. I don't mean that I believe that evangelism is bad thing. I think it's awesome, but I think that we can't make a list of rules and expect others outside our faith to live by them. We Christians need to live by them, but we don't need to impose them on others. In living our faith, we affect those outside of our faith because our lives become the city on the hill that shines out into the world.

Even so, I can point to million times when I have lost my temper or mistreated someone without intending to or even without thinking about it. This is hypocrisy by any definition, but should it negate every word that I speak about the good that Jesus does in my life? That would be terrible. Instead, we have to weigh people's deeds and actions on the scale and judge them against each other.

I think that a lot ills would be forgiven to Christians if we didn't use the Bible as a weapon. We tend to point out the wrongs in others, rather than focusing on the goodness of God. The cautions of the Bible are meant to be used on ourselves. They are meant to build our character as followers of Christ, and in building that character, it is intended to create a loving atmosphere that will draw people to God. God is pretty good at drawing people to Himself.

I'm the first one to admit that Christians have been pretty hypocritical, but so have non-Christians and they aren't being called hypocritical. Why? I think it's because they aren't creating a caste system in their own minds. I absolutely think that most people would be happier and more fulfilled if they knew the God that I know, but by making someone feel that they are somehow lesser because they don't know that God will only make them resent Him. They need to have a better reason for believing than just to make it to heaven. They need to know that God is going to make a difference for them in the here and now and not after their life is over. Offering them a list of rules won't do that. Offering them love, hope, and peace will speak to them in ways you never dreamed were possible.

Because God is all about love, and hope, and peace. He wants us to shine that love, hope, and peace upon others. In order to do that, it must first shine in us. That's why I think we need to turn the light of the Bible on ourselves first. We need to fix all the hypocrisies and wrongs that are imbedded in us, and stop doing it for everyone else. The light of God's love shining out from inside each of us is what makes the difference.

No one lives up the standards that we should live up to whether we are Christian or not, so then, what distinguishes a Christian from the rest of the world? The difference has to be in the way we love. In the end, though, hypocrisy shouldn't be held against God. He isn't the hypocrit. We are. We can't even seem to live up to the way we think we should, let alone the way He wants us to live. Yes, hypocrisy is purely a human condition.

An Evangelical by Any Other Name...

2008-05-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

On the way in to work yesterday, I was thinking about the lack of unity among our churches and I was contemplating what unity might look like. In other words, with unity as a goal among Christians, what points would we be able to agree on?

So, it is interesting that yesterday would be the day that An Evangelical Manifesto would hit the internet. My first thought before reading it was that perhaps this was an attempt for Evangelicals to create an opportunity for unity, but in some ways it seems that their intent was to draw distinctions between themselves and fundamentalists.

Obviously, I am far from a fundamentalist, but I still wonder if drawing distinctions is a good idea when it comes to Christians. To those outside our faith, it has to be a little confusing. At the same time, I understand why they are drawing these distinctions.

I think that many Evangelicals have started to feel like their faith has been hijacked. The problem is that there has been a sort of a terminology problem with the term "Evangelical" and it has become a term that means right wing fundamentalist to a lot of people. This is perhaps disturbing to those who have viewed themselves as Evangelical over the years, and so they are seeking to redefine Evangelicalism. I think that's a nearly impossible task.

It reminds me of a story that I recently read about the people of the Greek island of Lesbos who are suing because calling themselves Lesbians has come to mean being a gay woman. They have an uphill climb as well, and it is doubtful that a Lesbian will ever go back to being just a person who comes from the island of Lesbos.

Likewise, the term "Evangelical" is just a label, and labels change in meaning over time. With those changes come unintentional submeanings and peripheral meanings that change the way we perceive those terms. That's something that Evangelicals can't change because it is beyond their control. For this reason, people like Tony Campolo have started to call themselves "red letter Christians" and many other people are calling themselves "Christ followers."

The reason that these terms change has to do with the climate of belief within our culture. The problem isn't the term itself. The problem is that Christians have married themselves to a short list of beliefs and ideas, rather than remaining open to the prospect of God's wider view. It's like looking through a telescope. We can only see with a limited view, but God sees the big picture. Because of our limited view, we try to define our faith based on one or two ideas, and call all of the other ideas heresy, thus protecting our narrow view.

I believe that God wants us to shed the goggles that we wear and to make an effort to understand a larger view of His purpose. In doing this, we don't have to compromise what we believe, but only try to view the world in a broader way and in a more loving way.

In an effort to be more specific, rather than generalizing in a philosophical way, I think the way that we shed those goggles is by listening more to those we disagree with. It's also possible have civil discussion without throwing out words that are meant to demean one another.

In my life, I have walked both sides of the debate. I started out as a very fundamentalist type of belief because I believed that that was what was expected of me. It was a new skin that I felt I had to wear because I now identified myself as a Christian. As I have grown in my faith, I have come to realize that God has created each of us as individuals and for a purpose. This means that while I may be created for one purpose, another Christian may be created for another. This makes us all co-laborers in the body of Christ---one as an arm, another as a fingernail, but put us all together, we are the body of Christ.

Today, I realize that my label is ever-changing and I have to be able to change along with it. If that means surrending the term Evangelical to the fundamentalist, then I gladly surrender it and I take on a new label--Christ follower, disciple, or red letter Christian. Maybe that's exactly why God's name was expressed in so many interesting ways--because He transcends our ability to define Him, to label Him, or to limit Him.

Remember Me

2008-05-02T08:38:00.001-07:00

It's been several years since we laid to rest my husband's sister. She died of liver failure, and we spent the entire week between Christmas and January 2nd by her bed in a hospital. Last week, my son hesitantly admitted that he couldn't remember her face, so we spent a few minutes walking through memory lane and talking about our memories of her.

She died when my son was six, and for his first six years, I never had to buy a pair of shoes. She used to love to wander through thrift stores or consignment shops and pick up shoes for her son and mine. After she died, I had to take up the unpleasant task of buying shoes. As we bought shoes last week, I reminded him of the shoe lady, and my son's sad admission erupted. Her face eludes my memory at times as well, until a flash of a memory fires in the neurons of my brain and I see her clearly for a moment. She's usually laughing or dancing when it happens.

One of the interesting conversations that I like to have with my son is to talk about his first memories. He has flashes of memory from a very young age and I like to get his perspective on them. Often, as children, we have memories of things happening a certain way, only to find out after comparing them to another person that the way things happened was very different from what we thought. Our memory seems somehow skewed by our own feelings and ideas.

As we get older, we start to talk about legacies and inheritances and all through our lives, we search for something that will last after we are gone. Sometimes that legacy is through our children, sometimes through the work that we accomplish, and sometimes it is through our story. In the book of James, it says, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." We search to find meaning in our lives, but often get lost in the minutiae of the day to day.

There is a woman at the nursing home we go to who worries about being forgotten. Relentlessly, she reminds me that I shouldn't forget them, and each time, I assure her that I won't. I wonder sometimes if I am making a false promise to her. She always remembers us, but there are other areas where her memory is failing, but each time we return, her words to me are, "Please don't forget us."

Sometimes, those are my words to God. I call out to him in the darkness of my soul and I ask Him to remember me. "Don't forget me, God. Don't forget me," I say. Over and over, I am like the woman at the senior home imploring Him not to forget me.

I think perhaps His response is the same to us. Remember me. I know that there are times when I will forget Him, when thinking about Him is the last thing that I think to do. I know that there are times when I will brush Him aside intentionally, and always His response must be the same. Remember me.

New Hope Road - Our Story

2008-05-01T09:05:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about our ministry and thought that I would post my thoughts on our successes and failures today. For me, it is really a time of reflection on what we have done for the last few years.

If you are just tuning into Faithwarming, we started our ministry about six years ago when we left the Presbyterian Church in the small town we lived in at the time. Our group was a praise team for this church for a couple of years, and we did the contemporary service every Sunday at 11:00 am. There were five of us back then and we really started to explore mixing up the music so that it was inspirational.

My journey with the group really started at that church when I was approached by my friend Lucinda to possibly join their praise team. My husband joined soon after that. While we were doing this, there was a senior facility in a nearby city that had a monthly service there and we were asked to do the service one Sunday. There were only a handful of three people there, and we were so moved by the experience that everyone one of us marked it as a very wonderful experience.

When it was time to part ways with the church, I was very upset. I couldn't understand why, after all the years that I had spent largely outside of the corporate church, I would suddenly find myself outside once again. For a week, I struggled to understand what God wanted. It was then that a former member of the church came and asked to have coffee with me. This woman has been a very good friend and mentor ever since then.

One conversation with her on a quiet Monday night changed my thoughts from "Why me?" to "That's why!" I came to realize that I had not been rejected by the church, but that God had pulled me out for a purpose. With this newfound knowledge, I began to feel a strong pull of the Holy Spirit to make a move, and remembering the experience that we had with the seniors, I decided to contact the other praise team members and see if we could start a non-denominational service for seniors at various convalescent facilities.

All of the members of that group were thrilled to do this. With their commitments procured, I then moved forward to find a facility to minister to and the first facility that I called had an opening on the third Sunday of the month. As things started to evolve, I realized that I would need someone to offer our message and so I went back to my mentor friend and asked her if she could recommend anyone. She gave me the name of a wonderful man, whom we came to love and respect.

This gentleman was experienced in senior ministries to convalescent homes. He had been involved in a ministry where he brought seniors and youths together and when we first met, he shared some of that experience. Among the things that he shared, was the need for seniors to have human touch, so we decided up front that we would greet each senior before and after our service, and make an effort to touch hold their hands and speak to them individually. I never realized in the beginning how this really made our ministry unique.

We added another senior home after a couple of years, and the second one didn't seem to be flourishing the way we expected. So, after one particular Sunday, we talked over breakfast before our afternoon ministry that maybe we should move to another facility. I told the group that I would start that endeavor the following Monday. I never got the chance, though, because a woman attended our service that afternoon. Her mother had just been put into that particular facility, and she loved our service. She was also a recreation director for a senior facility in a nearby town, and she asked us to come to her facility. We started our ministry there the following month. A year ago, she took a job at another facility in the same area and we now do three senior facilities in one day. God has blessed us with growth.

We started out our group with five singers along with our gentleman friend who gave the message. Every month, he brought his wife along, who enjoyed talking with the seniors as well. To this day, this man and his wife pray continually for our ministry and support us in so many ways. We are so grateful at the contribution that they made and we are grateful to God for bringing them to us.

After the first couple of years, one of our members retired and moved to Oklahoma. It was a big loss to our ministry because she was a loving and committed member of the group. Then, after another year or so, our gentleman friend and his wife desired to move on, so we brought on a wonderful woman to do our message. This woman was closer to the age of the seniors, but she had an energy and vitality that really connected with the seniors. She did our message for several more years, until just last September when she retired to Oregon.

At the end of this year and the beginning of this year, two of our founding members decided to move on. This was a big blow to our group because we had become so tight, and bringing new people to the group seemed an insurmountable task. We also wondered if this was an indication that God wanted us to move on from this ministry. So, we decided that we would pray about it, and put ads on Craigslist and if any response came, we would see that as a sign that we should continue--and here we are--still going strong.

I think our ministry is different from the other groups that come into senior facilities. I have had so many seniors who see our service for the first time say, "I never thought it would be like this!" That tells me that we are doing the right thing. In addition, many of the staff at the seniors facilities tell us that the seniors love our service the most. The number of people who attend our monthly service is huge at the second of our three senior facilities and last month we may have had nearly fifty people attend.

Musically, we were inspired by the Gaither homecoming events and because of that, we started doing Southern Gospel music. We found a real joy and energy to this particular genre of religious music, and the seniors connect to it. This type of music is really a teaching type of music because the lyrics tell the stories and reflect the Word of God. Many of the seniors grew up with this music, and we also do standards such as The Old Rugged Cross and In the Garden as well. With this kind of music, we are able to tell the story of Christ in a musical way, and it reaches people from the inside out.

We invest ourselves with the seniors while we are there. If we see tears, we offer to pray with them individually. It is particularly important to greet the seniors after the service because they are opened up emotionally during the service and afterward is when we are able to help them the most. We get a lot of tears after our services, and they are often tears of joy as well as tears of loss and loneliness.

Six years into this ministry, I am still often amazed at the work that God has done. My desire would be to help other groups to begin to do what we do. There is so much need in these seniors facilities, and although they have suffered many losses--physically, mentally, emotionally--they need to know that they are loved and that they are loved by God.

Jesus Christ is alive and working in this world today if only we will allow Him to do His wonders through our lives. If you are interested in contacting us regarding this ministry, please go to the contact page at www.newhoperoad.org and email me.

Dueling Natures

2008-04-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

I attended a seminar yesterday about how to be an "Indispensable Assistant." During the seminar, the presenter asked us to break into a group of five and we were asked to write individually five people whom we thought were great leaders. Afterward, we were asked to sit together and look at our answers and come to a group consensus as to which we could agree were great leaders.

On the surface, this exercise looked like an easy task, but when you start to pull the layers away, you start to realize that it is much more difficult than you would think. Everyone has a different idea of what the criteria and standard for determining a good leader should be.

The token gentleman in our group couldn't come up with any examples of good leaders because he said that his standard of great leaders is so high. One friend of mine came up with four notable biblical figures, and the rest of us picked figures that appealed to us on the basis of our sociopolitical beliefs.

In the end, the only person that the five of us could really agree on was Jesus.

Of course, I agree that Jesus was the greatest of leaders (he was on my list), but my philosophy on what makes a great leader had less to do with perfection than it did to their ability to lead others in a positive way. My friend said that she wouldn't agree on my pick of Martin Luther King, Jr. because he had some personal things (he apparently had an affair) that would keep him from reaching her standard. She explained that she didn't even pick King David because of his situation with Bathsheba.

I told her that I still believed that David was a good leader, even if you consider that he carried within him a duality. I believe that we all carry that duality within us, and because of that, we can't eliminate the other good that people do just because they have had brushes with sinful acts.

In fact, my friend's choice of the apostle Paul doesn't seem to take into consideration the fact that Paul assisted a group who martyred Stephen before Paul's amazing road to Damascus experience, but I digress...

I don't think my friend is wrong in her choices, but I think it is an interesting study on how we set our standards for our leaders. I don't think it's wrong to expect high standards from our leaders, but it certainly seems counter that a person who was able to lead thousands of people in peaceful demonstration the way Martin Luther King, Jr. was might not be considered a good leader because he personally fell prey to sin. I think even beyond his personal fall, he certainly did a lot of good.

That kind of duality in our natures is one thing that we are talking about in our study of the book of James right now. I think we all have it. We exhibit it in our own way, and it is the battle that we fight all through our walk of faith. The same me who can post wonderful thoughts and beliefs about love and faith, is also capable of being terribly spiteful and angry at times. I live with a dual nature as well--spirit and flesh. A love for God and a nasty temper...

So, am I to be graded on a curve and compared to other Christians around me or all my words to be considered no longer relevant because I possess duality? This is not a question of salvation since Jesus Christ has paid for my redemption, but now it has become a question of what label should be applied to one who understands the goodness of God and yet struggles with the problem of inherent sin.

Jesus said, "Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened to you." I think we need to keep seeking and knocking and in doing so we continue to re-evangelize ourselves. Even so, I think that because of the duality of our own natures, we certainly need to look at the whole of a person and try to see the good that God has wrought through them.

The Mimi's Factor

2008-04-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

Justin at Radical Congruency posted an interesting message about being satisfied with church and whether we are too consumeristic to really enjoy it. He said,

"All this makes me wonder whether you can ever be satisfied in a church that’s good for you. I think we’re so shaped by consumerism that we have lost the habit of being comfortable in situations that aren’t tailor-made to suit our preferences."

My response to his quote was that I didn't necessarily think that it was consumerism, but rather a problem where our culture has become too fragmented. I posted,

"I wonder if our current culture is suffering with an identity crisis of sorts because it has become so fragmented.

Remember when we only had a few genres of music? Country, Rock, Jazz? Now how many genres are there? We are becoming more diverse and fragmented and perhaps our faith is, too."

This morning while I was thinking about this, the whole idea reminded me of the Mimi's factor. Whenever our family goes to Mimi's restaurant, we get a huge menu. Their menu is the largest of any restaurant in our city. I can appreciate that having a lot of diverse choices in a restaurant is helpful to some extent, but to me, I have a very difficult time making any choice at all because I am so overwhelmed by choices. It's really a case where there are almost too many choices.

With that said, it seems that our culture of church has become pretty fragmented, too. There are a lot of choices to parse through because, in our society, we tend to emphasize the differences rather than the things that we share. We often mark our territory by focusing on secondary issues in religion, rather than focusing on the central issues that all (or most) Christian churches share.

In the last twenty years, we have even gone one step further and we have started to change the way we do just about every part of our church services and in particular, the music. Music has fragmented in our culture to the point where we have added so many new genres and sub-genres, and now we are starting to fashion our religious services to suit this trend. I think we have fallen prey to the Mimi's Factor.

My problem is that I can identify the problem, but offering solutions is far more problematic. However, there are some examples out there of churches who are starting to transcend this factor. For example, Shane Claiborne's model of the The Simple Way community is a good example of transcending our culture's fragmentation by localizing and staying involved in the community. Some churches are trying to solve the problem by offering more services with many different types of religious services, but as society becomes more fragmented, this will become even more difficult.

I think a lot can be solved by an attempt to unify Christian churches through a change in focus on central doctrines rather than secondary doctrines, but I might be wrong. It might go deeper than that. Whatever happens, it's clear that the way people look at and experience church is changing, and because of that, church is changing, too.

What needs to stay the same is Christ.

Worship vs. Music

2008-03-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Because we have a monthly ministry to convalescent homes, we are involved in the design of our own worship service. On the weeks when we aren't busy with our ministry, we often attend different churches. This is always interesting and enlightening and we find both good and bad things about the various services.

Lately, my family has gone to some services where the music is a full band of rock and roll music. I love rock and roll, but I have a hard time fitting this music into the context of my faith. Sometimes, it's so jarring that it distracts me from the worship experience that I am trying to have.

For me, it's always been a little difficult to get to a state of worship in a church anyway. This is largely because I never attended church as a child growing up. However, lately, I have begun to wonder if music is actually becoming an impediment to my experience of God during services.

Everyone has a different opinion of what is good and bad about music, but music reaches each person in a different way, and can be a good tool for getting connected to God. However, we kind of tend to shop for the perfect worship service in our lives and in doing so, we forget that that isn't what gets us to God.

I wonder if we expect too much from church and all of its components. We expect that it should lead us on our journey through faith, that it should fill our spirits, that it should wipe away all of our fears. Yet, it is God who does that. Church is something that we do out of obedience to God. Worship is something that we can do anytime. With that said, I have started to see the music in churches as more of a distraction and I think it is partly due to the fact that we think of music as the worship part of the service when, in reality, the whole service is supposed to be worship.

What is worship? The dictionary defines worship as "adoring reverence or regard of a deity." That definition draws to my mind the setting aside of time to give God the homage that he so richly deserves. If the music is distracting me from this purpose, then I am not accomplishing my objective for being there.

I'm not trying to find fault with the church experience, but only to share my thoughts about the things that hinder me from experiencing to any rich degree. I remember a while back when we attended a little church on the corner of a busy street. We walked into the church and sat down. In the church, were at least a dozen young children, a few token seniors, and a few teenage to college age kids. The music consisted of an old fashioned pianist pounding out traditional songs, and the message was given by a pastor who was about 85 years old. Even so, this church had a charm that I couldn't explain. When it came time for everyone to greet each other, this church did it just right. Every member of the church greeted us, and every member of the church greeted each other. The whole scene took about fifteen minutes of the service. This church's service had little to offer in the way of worship design, but God seemed present and welcome there.

Last Easter, we attended a service where the band was comprised of two lead guitars, a bass guitar, and drums. The music was jarring and the worship leader jumped around on the stage as if he were giving a concert. I love rock music, but I couldn't connect with it. It made me question everything that I know about worship.

When we bring worship to our ministry, we make it a priority to connect to the seniors every time. This priority is a big part of the worship equation. We also try to offer a range of songs so that something at some point will bring Christ to the message that we are delivering. In doing that, we also make sure that the message of the songs is Christ-centered.

We've had some seniors that come to our services and let us know that our music isn't their kind of music, but these same seniors have come to love us. They love us because we love them, and they come back to our service because they know that we will be there to love them again and again. As hard as we work on our music to make it good, it still comes in second to our other forms of worship. For me, worship has come to mean loving God through loving each other.

I'm not saying that we have all the answers, but I have started to question this intense focus on music that seems to have invaded our worship services. Have we forgotten our first love? I hope not. I would like to see church become essential to our lives, and for it to be something that we need, not a duty that we have to get over with.

Idols and God

2008-03-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

I recently read an article at www.slate.com by Taylor Clark about the sudden disappearance of the Indie Rock songwriter named Jeff Mangum. Personally, I hadn't heard of Jeff Mangum, but as a lover of music, I was intrigued by his story.

Jeff Mangum's story isn't exactly a redemptive story. It's a little on the weird side, as he was so intensely artistic. To me, he appears as a person who seemed to be searching for the one thing that would fill him up. I think that he thought he would find it in his music.

In this article, Taylor Clark wrote and quoted Jeff Mangum in this statement:

"I went through a period, after Aeroplane, when a lot of the basic assumptions I held about reality started crumbling," he said. One of those assumptions was that music would somehow erase his problems. "I guess I had this idea that if we all created our dream we could live happily ever after," he continued. "So when so many of our dreams had come true and yet I still saw that so many of my friends were in a lot of pain … I saw their pain from a different perspective and realized that I can't just sing my way out of all this suffering."

I can kind of connect with this statement, and I am sure that a lot of people can. Even though I was raised in a family where faith was very important, somehow I got the same message that he did--the message that music is going to feed the ultimate desires of my heart. I suffered some great disappointments in my life before God finally showed me where the real treasures in my heart reside, but sadly, I wonder if Jeff Mangum came to the same conclusions.

According to the article, he suffered a breakdown and then "started the process of rebuilding himself wandering the globe and even spending time in a monastery." I don't know the guy, but I sincerely hope he found what he needed in the monastery.

Each of us have our own idols that we have to move past in order to get to God. They can be huge obstacles and we like to think that they define who we are, but God has already defined us. He has defined our strengths, talents, weaknesses, egos, and He knows just how to use them.

I think we sometimes hold God at arm's length because we think that following Him all the way will make us go over the deep end. The truth is, we are already over the deep end, and God just wants to pull us back. He wants us to live the beautiful plan that He has created for us, and the best thing that I ever did was to move beyond my talents and get to know the one who created them in me.

Commitment

2008-02-22T11:31:00.001-08:00

In the lunchroom conversation the other day, the gals and I were talking about marriage. One of the women said that she had been married 34 years, and we were talking about how her life had changed since the beginning of her marriage. It morphed into a lovely little conversation about how people stay together even as they are changing and growing up. She told a story about a wedding she went to where they made up their own vows and in them were the words, "I promise to love you for as long as our love lasts." Uh-huh...

Some of us who have been married for a while, got a little chuckle out of that because we knew that there are times when we can't stand our spouses and there are other times when we are so in love we can't see straight. These things go in cycles, of course, but her observation was that ultimately marriage lasts because of commitment. Being committed to a marriage is what keeps two people trying and going through the hard times.

I have been reading a wonderful book lately called, "In His Steps" written by Charles Sheldon and first published in 1896. This books tells the story of a pastor who asks members of his congregation to join him in making a promise that before every decision they make they might consider "What Would Jesus Do?" and then that they would then promise to move forward and do what He asks of them. That's commitment that goes beyond the WWJD movement that caused thousands of youth to wear pins and bracelets with WWJD on them.

I can love Jesus from the bottom of my heart. I can learn all about Him and talk to my friends about Him, but if I don't offer my Lord a commitment and promise to then follow through in His will, I have a shallow faith. The problem is that one can always justify their actions in areas of faith. It takes a sincere desire to move forward and to do God's will and to put aside one's own desires. That's the ultimate human struggle, and that is really where commitment becomes important.

I think that commitment is like walking up a never-ending staircase. It is consistently difficult because it demands that we be continually diligent in the course that we have set for ourselves. If our course is to follow God's will, then we must be continually asking God what that means and we must continually be questioning whether our motives are God's or our own.

I deal with that all the time in our ministry. Since one of our group members left, he left behind a catalog of some really great songs. When the new members came in, we held back those songs with the idea that we would eventually distribute them, but there was one song that I wasn't planning on distributing. I had planned on trying to sing it myself rather than have someone else sing it. Wasn't I surprised when last night one of our new members came up with the song on his own! Apparently, God had distributed it for me! I gave up the song knowing that God had a better plan than I could imagine, but it smarted a bit.

We get in the way of commitment to God's plan all the time, and that's why our focus on commitment needs to be constant and diligent. It takes effort and struggle to ask ourselves at each moment and with each decision if we are carrying out God's will.

There are some of us who don't struggle with commitment. Maybe some of us approach our walk with Christ much like the young couple who wrote their own vows. We think we are committed, but it doesn't involve any real struggle. I've been that kind of Christian and it doesn't take any effort to be one like that. It takes real effort to say to one's self, "I don't do enough," and then, in saying that, to step forward and ask God to put us into service and then actually do what God urges us to do. Commitment requires us to take action that takes great risk and courage. Maybe this is why John referred to the Jesus' followers as His Bride (John 3:29). Real faith requires real commitment.

Going Organic

2008-02-01T10:02:00.000-08:00

Before you start thinking that my latest New Year's resolution has taken me in the organic food direction, let me set your minds at ease. This post is about something that I have practiced for a lot of years, but I haven't really had a good phrase to describe it. It's the analogy of the Body of Christ being more like an organism that is ever-changing, unpredictable, and totally alive--organic faith.

I think the reason that this concept appeals to me is that I have always been a little organic with my faith. In growing up, I was raised outside of the church structure and very much taught to view my faith from the inside out. There is a freedom in that viewpoint that allows us to experience faith whereever we are and to be ready for whatever God sends our way.

Being organic in my faith means to me that I have to keep it simple and understandable--for my own sake and for the sake of others. That means that I can't burden my friends and neighbors with a complex story that will only seek to divide, and perhaps rather than telling a story, I must be a story. When I look at a small plant growing in field, it might be a very complex organism, but I see it is as a very simple little plant with green leaves and maybe a flower or two. In that view, faith retains its innocence and beauty and appeals both to those who are studied and those who aren't.

An organic faith doesn't have to work as hard. I can relax and enjoy the relationships that wander in and out of my life without having to force anything, and without having to prove anything. I can be myself and in being myself, I am a living and breathing example of God's love. It takes the pressure off me, and allows God to take reign and show us His beauty. It's kind of like taking a walk through the forest and realizing the beauty of God's creation. We notice all the little plants and animals, appreciate the smells, the textures, the colors, and we realize the greatness of what God has created. We are God's creations, too, and we are just as beautiful in our own right. We think we are complex, but there is a simplicity about us as well in that we need each other and we need God.

I think that sometimes we stick faith up on the bookshelf like we would a trophy. We look at it, remember the day we first got it, are proud of it, but it stays up there and doesn't affect our lives all that much. When faith becomes organic, it comes alive for us and jumps down off the shelf forever. It's fluidity is ever-moving, ever-changing, often surprising, but seldom predictable.

The Good Life, Priorities, and Keith Richards

2008-01-23T08:15:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading an article on slate about Governor Mike Huckabee giving a pardon to Keith Richards for a drug offense in his state that took place years ago, and my first thought was, "What the---?" I guess what really got me was the response that Huckabee had when people protested about his favoritism. He said, "If you can play guitar like Richards, I'll pardon you, too." What!?!

I'm sitting here wondering if I am crazy or if I am just jealous because I can't play guitar like Keith Richards. Well, not really. I guess what I am wondering is why Keith Richards should get a special favor from the Governor of a state (and presidential candidate) when most of us couldn't catch a break on a speeding ticket no matter how well we play an instrument.

This post isn't about politics, it's about where we put our value. Have celebrities become so important to us in our lives that we are willing to compromise just about anything for them? I wonder if that could be considered a form of idol worship.

Most nights, Keith Richards stands up in front of thousands and thousands of people to play his guitar. The throngs of people stand, scream, and sway to the sounds that come out of that little funny-shaped box with strings. His ragged face shows the ravages of the drugs that he has pumped through his system, but the multitudes are paying upwards of a hundred dollars plus so that they can be able to say they saw him perform. What are we thinking?

I went to see the "The Eagles: Hell Freezes Over" concert in Irvine years ago, and I got some okay seats, but I remember there was a guy at the concert who was totally drunk before the concert even got started. By the time the Eagles were on stage, this guy was puking in the aisle, and by the time they were through the first half of the concert, he was sound asleep. I had paid a relatively modest amount of $75 for a partially blocked view and so I knew that this guy had, too, but I couldn't imagine the logic behind drinking yourself into a stupor during a seventy-five dollar concert. I guess I just don't get it.

I guess I just want to question for a moment where we put our value. I love concerts and I love rock music and all kinds of music. I can really appreciate music and the way it touches us, but I think that we need to start to question ourselves as to why we follow the lives of celebrities like we do and why our young people are clamouring to audition to be the next "American Idol." I think it's because we have misplaced our priorities.

I think if people knew that living the good life wasn't a nice hotel room with caviar and hundred dollar champagne, they would figure out that it isn't the measure of success. Being successful in life means that we have peace in who we are and what we are doing. It means that we have people to love and a savior who loves us.

When I say that we have peace in our souls, I am not saying that there will be no adventure in our lives. Living a life where we are at peace with our God is an adventurous and exciting life. It's exciting because God will use us to reach others and He will show us more of His mysteries and beauty. It's so much better than sitting in a loud stadium with ten thousand screaming people.

I used to go with friends to happy hour at a nice dance place when I was in my early twenties, but I wasn't much of a drinker so I drank diet sodas. It was a loud dance place. We used to have fun playing the games, and one night, I recall that they had a singing contest. We were competing for prizes so I decided to throw my hat in the ring. I was about the fourth person in the group to sing, and everyone else was pretty much lip syncing. I decided to sing without music. I sang Amazing Grace. I will never forget the silence that went over that place. It was literally the first time that I had ever heard total silence in bar where hundreds of people were scattered, but every eye was on me. That night showed me where real value lies. It showed me that God commands our attention more than Keith Richards, more than Britney Spears, or any other living person. God wants the attention of our hearts, but He wants us to give it freely.

Tonight, the Stones are playing somewhere and thousands are screaming at them until their throats are sore, but somewhere in the audience is one person who is sitting there like I once did and they are looking around at all of the mayhem and they thinking, "Why am I here? Is this really where it's at?" My answer to that person is that the yearning of your heart is telling you there's more because there is more. There is a God who offers us living water if only we will drink.

2008-01-19T21:51:00.001-08:00

"For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus."

When I was a kid, I used to wonder how it could be possible to love God more than my parents. It was inconceivable to me that I might come to love God more than them. At times, it seems inconceivable that I might be able to love God more than my son, but as an adult, I have learned the debt that I owe Jesus Christ.

Even with that knowledge, as I read the above verse today, I realized that all of the above listed seem insurmountable obstacles and yet I resonate with the truth of that scripture.

The love of God goes deeper than any of those things--spiritual or fleshly--and it penetrates our hearts and breaks through the self-centered, self-involved, unloving, and childish immaturity that once dwelt there. It's truly one of the more amazing things about God. His ability to love us goes beyond any power that we might have to love and that's precisely the reason we need Him. We need Him because we don't know how to love like that.

In fact, we sometimes make love dirty, or childish, and even selfish. We attach emotions such as jealousy to love-emotions that have little to do with the kind of love that God teaches us. God's love is self-less love. Love that makes us do beautiful things for those we don't know or love that makes us put our own well-being aside on behalf of others. Once we have received that kind of love, we crave it and long to spread it everywhere. God's love is a transcendant sort of love because it can happen between any number of people, any type of people, and it doesn't even have to be someone we know.

For that kind of love, we will face tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, death because we have experienced real, everlasting love--love that goes beyond family relationships, friendships, and even goodness. Once we realize that God loves us in spite of our ugly selves, we can finally understand and receive His love.

One night I dreamed that I died and walked down a path toward heaven. Suddenly, I became aware that my path would end at a meeting with God, and my heart felt full. I looked up into the clouds as the light of God began to come out from behind the clouds and I lifted up both my arms to sky, like a little toddler asking to be held by his father. I lifted those arms up, and exclaimed, "God, I love you!" It was the most satisfying and peaceful dream I have ever had.

Beyond the Blues

2008-01-08T16:18:00.001-08:00

It seems that I have been struck, much like everyone that I know has, with the annual Post Traumatic Holidays Disorder (PTHD pronounced as “pithed”). In spite of the fact that I have been sucked into another of this annual case of the blues, it made me notice something about how attitude affects attitude.

I sometimes feel like I have to be in full entertainment mode in order to keep others from asking me what’s wrong, but there are also times when I think I am acting normally and no matter what I do, people seem to interpret my words negatively. I guess it’s the dark cloud encircling me when I am in this type of mood.

This year, I decided to fight PTHD with prayer. Prayer seems to get me through the day sometimes, and I find that I am starting to look forward to my prayer time in the morning. I remember several years ago reading that George Washington spent two hours each morning in prayer. I used to wonder, “What could he possibly say for that long?” On the other hand, I am sure that he had a lot to pray about as a President. I am by no means praying for two hours, but I would say that every morning my prayers seem to get a little longer.

Sometimes I pray in my car on the way to work and I just pray about whatever comes into my head, but I think there is a need to structure some prayer while also leaving some prayer unstructured. Everything that I do is usually unstructured, so for me, I find that I benefit by trying to structure it a little more. By doing this, I am able to remember the people on the prayer list as well as all the other needs.

I’m the worst at praise, though. I wish I could be better at it. There is this great song by song by Kristy Starling that is called “Something More (I need to praise you)” and I love the words:

On the days I feel like I failed you…
The days I feel I’ve been failed…
I need to praise you for I am yours, I’m yours.

Those words really do describe how I feel, but I not how I act and when I am in my blue mode, I find it even more difficult to get in touch with God. A while ago, a friend of mine recommended that I start reading the psalms when I in my blue mode. I have been incorporating that into my morning time, but I have noticed that David was pretty negative quite often, too, so maybe God doesn’t expect me to be the joy fairy twenty four seven.

The point of it all is that I don’t want to stand still. That’s too easy. When I reach Jesus on the other side of Jordan, I want to be able to say, “I didn’t do everything I should have, but I didn’t give up.”

When the New Meets the Old

2008-01-03T12:19:00.001-08:00

I got a little Christmas card from a former friend from High School before Christmas. It was a very sweet Christmas card telling me that she still watched CMT for my face, a reference to the fact that I desperately wanted to be a professional singer when I was younger.

In a way, the card was a reflection of just how much I have changed over the years. I used to put my hopes into dreams of grandeur for my future and well, I suffered a lot of disappointments because of it. Some of it was just my own immaturity and insecurity, but some of it was a desire to use my talents.

A few years ago, I went through a total rearrangement of priorities and started a new life. It was a total makeover of sorts, from the inside out. Because of that, whenever I hear from someone like my old school friend, I find that I am a little embarrassed by my old self. I guess we all go through that to a certain extent.

My old self was really self-involved, insecure, and desperate. The new, improved, bigger and better self of today is very content with where I am and who I am. I have no need to prove anything to anyone and I have no desire to seek fame and fortune in way. The only funny thing about it is that a lot of people still know my old self and sometimes, I don't even know that old self.

The new self is a much better representation of who I am--who I really am. In so many ways, God didn't recreate me, but He created me to be who I am supposed to be. I am much more comfortable with God's plan for my life than I am with the plan I came up with.

That's why I kind of squirm a little when I get a letter like the one that I got from my old friend. Even so, I giggled a little at my old self and wrote back a nice litte note telling my old friend that I was singing, but singing in a ministry to seniors and that I was content with that.

My real feelings move way past contentment, however. I have found a real sense of purpose and meaning through the ministry. That fact was once again illustrated to me when I went for a fifth Sunday of the month service at one of the facilities last Sunday.

I received so many wonderful hugs and kisses from the grateful seniors, with one particularly grateful woman saying, "Your family is so wonderful to come here like this."

That's why I am just so happy to be living my new self's life and why my old self's meagher existence means nothing to me.

Five Years of Memories

2007-11-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me the other day that we have received so much encouragement and assistance from peripheral people in our ministry. I think that today I would just like to mention a few of the people who have assisted us.

When I first "got the idea" to start this ministry, I was actually depressed. I was because we had just left a church and I couldn't understand why God would send me out of the church. It was then that a friend of mine called. We had a nice cup of coffee together and she started to change my way of thinking. She inspired me to consider that I was being called out by God to do this ministry, and so I picked up and moved in that direction. She became a player again when I started the ministry and needed someone to give our message. She recommended a gentleman named John.

At that time, I didn't really know how if I could do a message and so she recommended John and gave me his phone number. John gave plenty of good messages and advice to our group for quite a while. His lovely wife, whom he called "sweetie," was a lovely, humble lady who came to all of our ministries along with her husband. It was a great way for us to get started. After they decided to move on, they continued to pray for us throughout the years and to support our ministry in little ways. They would give us money on occasion to put back into our ministry and they would send us wonderful messages of support and encouragement. Recently, they moved away and they have continued to send those messages of encouragement to us. It has been wonderful and humbling.

When they did leave, we replaced John with a 71-year-old spunky lady named Sue and she gave our message. Sue showed us how to live in the "moment of the spirit" and encouraged us to keep praying for one another. She had a spunky sense of humor and a lively attitude in spite of the fact that she was losing her eyesight and her hearing as well. For several years, she delivered a message that spoke to the seniors right where they lived.

About mid way through our ministry, we starting thinking about growth. I started thinking that it might be good to add another senior facility. We were doing two and one of the two wasn't drawing many seniors. After a particularly poor showing, we decided to move on from that one and I told the group that I would step forward and look for another senior facility to fill that slot. That afternoon, God sent us a lovely lady named Eve who attended our afternoon service. Eve's mother was at our afternoon facility and she was a director for a facility in a nearby city. She wanted us there, and so before we left for the day, we had another place to serve. Eventually, Eve brought us to a third senior facility, and she is the reason that we now do three facilities. Eve has been a proponent of our group and has kept in touch and given us a lot of encouragement and helped us to grow.

There are more peripheral people who have joined us in many ways. My family members have prayed for our ministry, my coworkers have given advice and prayed, and friends as well. I've received messages from people that I don't even know and I have had working relationships with people who have respected what we do. Over all, we have received assistance and guidance from many people over the last five years, all of them provided to us by a loving and gracious God.

So, this post is a thank you note of sorts for those who have supported us. It reminds me of the saying that it "takes a village" to raise a child. If our child is our ministry, then it took a village. It took people who prayed silently for us, who listened to our ideas, who encouraged us to move forward. It took people who believed in us and believed that God was doing something important through our ministry.

The last five years have brought tears from the elderly, their children, and their grandchildren. They have brought wonderful moments of inspiration and important meaningful messages about what God is doing in all of our lives. These five years have been the best five years of my life and I thank God and all of those peripheral people for that blessing.

I pray that I can go another fifty years doing this and maybe even more.

Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me...

2007-11-07T14:45:00.001-08:00

With a long sigh, I watch as our senior ministry goes through yet another difficult loss. We recently learned that one of our members will be moving on at the first of the year, and a second member, while not quite ready, is close to moving on.

Our ministry started in 2002, with all of the hopes and dreams that come along with the ministry. We jumped forward on nothing but a wing and a prayer and we were greatly rewarded. Over the years, we have learned a lot about seniors, ministries, and fellowship. We have learned what true fellowship is.

Now, we are watching our group dwindle to just myself and my husband and we realize that we must bring on new people. With each loss and gain, a group like our changes according to the people who move in and out, so we know that there will be struggles ahead. What we don't know is if we will be going ahead because it could easily turn out that God wants to move us in another direction. Who am I to question God's Supreme Direction?

To be fair, I have questioned it. I have questioned it alot in my life, but I have always found in the end that His purpose is much better than mine. What I find difficult is knowing where my purpose stops and His purpose starts. Many times, I have stepped forward in faith and I have been rewarded by God's support. I am humbled by those times, but I tried pushing open doors that remain closed at times as well, and those times always frustrate me in the end.

I don't know where this next journey leads, but I ask those of you who are stepping off blind canyons of your own, to pray for our ministry. It is a wonderful senior ministry that means the world to me, and it may very well be that God wants me to continue in it, but if He doesn't, I would not want to be the one to stand in the way of God's plan.

I am reminded of this in many places where Jesus told His followers, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" He usually explained that He was on earth to follow God's will and not His own, and He demonstrated that by going peacefully to His own death. I don't have that kind of courage, but maybe in small ways I can give up a little of the power.

I once read a nice little saying that went, "If God is your Copilot--swap seats!" I am firmly telling myself to get out of the driver's seat on this one. I hope that I can do it. Since we chose to perform, "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me," for this months' ministry, it seems to be telling me something that I should do well to listen to.

Happy Reformation Day!

2007-10-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Besides being Halloween, today is actually reformation day. It is designated this because today is the day that, in 1517, Martin Luther put his 95 theses on the door of a church in Wittenburg, Germany to raise discussion about the practice of indulgences by the Roman Catholic church. This one act started the protestant reformation.

Sometimes, we like to think that our little actions don't really amount to much, but Martin Luther's small act of writing and posting his theses led to a major change. It was a change that spurred new churches and it was also a change that led to some reforms of the Catholic tradition eventually. Small actions indeed do have great impact.

I actually read Luther's 95 theses for the first time today and I was struck by the simplicity of the doctrine posted there. One might tend to take it for granted, but it is truly amazing some of the things that are on the list. The first four are particularly interesting to me.

1. Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, when He said Poenitentiam agite, willed that the whole life of believers should be repentance.

2. This word cannot be understood to mean sacramental penance, i.e., confession and satisfaction, which is administered by the priests.

3. Yet it means not inward repentance only; nay, there is no inward repentance which does not outwardly work divers mortifications of the flesh.

The third one is interesting to me because I think that we often assume that we can just inwardly repent and that's all we need, but it's true that when we inwardly repent it is manifest in our outward actions.

These I found interesting:

43. Christians are to be taught that he who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does a better work than buying pardons

44. Because love grows by works of love, and man becomes better; but by pardons man does not grow better, only more free from penalty.

Over all, I think when you review what Luther said in his 95 theses, it was a strong indictment of the church, and it is certainly understandable why it was not taken well. His words were strong and very specific.

I think Martin Luther's courage is a testament to all Christians that we need to protect the keys of God's Kingdom. We need to stand up for what is right and be a symbol of strength and virtue to the world.

We Call Them Enemy

2007-10-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

I sat in a waiting room for a physical therapy appointment one day several months ago. A man about forty sat down in the same room, and turning to an older fellow, proceeded to open a conversation about the war in the Iraq. I listened for a long time because I didn't have much of a choice as the man went on about we should just blow the heck out of everyone as quickly as possible. I listened and said nothing for a long, long time and I silently prayed that I could manage to keep my mouth shut for a while.

"I think we should just drop an A-bomb on the whole lot of them and call it good," He finally said, and I knew that that was the end of my patience.

Before I did, though, a woman from across the aisle said, meekly, "Well, that would kill a lot of innocent people."

"So what!" He bellowed, "I don't care."

"I care," I said, strongly, and with a tinge of anger in my voice, "I care a lot. I care about every life that is lost."

"Well, those people don't care a bit about you," He answered, "They would just as soon kill you as look at you."

"I would die if I had to, but I won't advocate the murder of innocent people." From there, I went on the tell the man my real feelings about the war in Iraq, as the room grew somewhat more tense and silent. A woman behind the counter called my name and let me know where I was to go for my appointment. I was suddenly whisked out to go to my appointment, but she gave me a knowing look. Thankfully, the man remained silent at least until I left the room, but I said what I had to say.

I hadn't solicited this man's personal opinions about the war, so I figured if he was looking for someone's opinions than I had as much right to fill him in on mine as anyone did. Even so, it stunned a few people and I left the room red-faced with a burning anger.

We toss around a lot of labels about "those people" as if they aren't real, and we forget that most of them are people who are just trying to live their lives. We call them enemy and we tell ourselves that their lives are somehow less valuable then our lives, but their lives are equally as valuable and we should never take lightly the destruction of any lives. Have we learned nothing from war?

Growing up the most profound thing that my father ever told me was that no one wins a war. Too many lives are lost in war and too much damage is done to those taking the lives in the name of our freedom. I'm not saying that there is never a right reason to go into a war, but I am saying that we shouldn't do it as if they aren't human.

My friend recently travelled to Italy to see the sights and returned with a bundle of pictures. It's funny to think that fifty years ago we called Italians "enemy." We should think more deeply about what it means to dehumanize a whole nation of people when we make blanket statements about them. We need to remember that a whole nation of people means millions of individuals, each valued and loved by God.

War should be a last resort. It should be something we avoid at all costs, and as the people of a free nation, we should protect those who are being brutalized when we can. We should treat other nations, other peoples, and other relgions as we would like to be treated. We call them enemy, but God calls them our brothers.

Thy Kingdom Come

2007-10-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

On Survivor the other night, the Christian Radio talk show host was officially voted off, another example of the growing minority that Christians have become in American society. This particular survivor was not a bad example of a Christian, at least in my opinion. Her biggest mistake was being a little too trusting and talking a little too much. Other shows that I have watched, though, have offered a less than stellar portrayal of the Christian.

I am not trying to be overly critical, but a recent Time article shows the growing identity problem that we Christians seem to have in our current culture.

If I have to be honest, I have to acknowledge that there isn't much that really sets us apart from the general population. We are the same in virtually every statistic regarding divorce rates, living together, adultry, etc., etc. What is different is that we are perceived by the general population to be judgemental and hypocritical, especially by young people.

That may be because we approach our religion simplisticly like a set of rules that we were called to enforce on the world. Since the rules change depending on what denomination we belong to, it is often problematic to even properly define what distinguishes a Christian, if there really is a distinction at all--and if there is a dinstinction, it could be that it's perceived as a negative distinction.

Contemplating these statistics sometimes make me wonder if we have reduced Christianity to a comic strip version of our faith. We are representing a loving and gracious God, who has mercifully decided to overlook our idiocy, and yet, we don't seem to always pass on that graciousness to others.

Without being too simplistic myself, I have to acknowledge that being a gracious Christian isn't always that easy. In fact, lately, I have personally been struggling with drawing the boundaries between kindness and standing up for myself. The balancing act required to walk that tightrope is complex and frustrating. If someone criticizes or makes fun of me, do I defend myself? And if I do, how do I go about it? Do I let it go by and pretend it didn't happen? Daily, I am forced to make split second judgements about how to react in certain conflicts and situations, and I often make the wrong split-second choices.

Saying that, though, at least I am still making that effort. I am still reaching toward God, and hoping that He will somehow make right the wrongs that I have perpetrated against others. What frustrates me is the number of people who have given up in that reaching.

There are a number of people in our culture who have received the key to God's kingdom and they haven't tried to open the door. They are standing outside the door and they are patiently waiting for someone to open it for them because they think they are waiting for a kingdom after this world.

The Lord's prayer is so commonly spoken that we sometimes forget to actually listen to the words that are in it, yet it was Jesus' example of how we should pray. In it, he says, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven." Those don't sound like words telling us that we should sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of being saved.

To me, it sounds like God's kingdom has come, in the form of Jesus Himself, and that we are being asked to do His will here on earth, as His will is followed in heaven. That is a pretty large order, and certainly one that I have a hard time bringing to fruition in my own life. Even so, I need to try.

So, if His kingdom has come to the earth, and He has told us that we are to do His will here on earth as it is done in heaven, we have a large responsibility to the people of the world both Christian and non-Christian. As much as I hate labels, I know that if I do a disservice to the label of "Christian" that invariably will be applied to me then I am not properly serving the Christ whose name appears in that label.

So, I keep reaching for His Kingdom to be here on earth, not by forcing others into my way of thinking and not by pretending to be pious and perfect, but by re-evaluating my daily walk with him and finding real ways to bring His love to the world and maybe, just maybe, to make His love, my love.

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

2007-09-13T15:45:00.001-07:00

We Are What We Love

2007-09-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

I was lounging by the pool watching my husband and son swimming the other day, when out of the blue my ten-year-old asked his dad, "Is there any sin that is worse than any other?" His dad decided to bring me in on the question and we both paused for a moment to contemplate it.

Of course, the theological side of me wanted to immediately scream, "No! They are all the same!" However, the human side of me was saying, "Really? Isn't murder, like totally, way worse than lying?" (Yes, both of my sides speak with different accents and inflections. My theological side is much more type A).

After a long pause, I launched in a diatribe about how you make concessions on one thing and they lead to another worse thing, but that didn't really seem to satisfy him all that well and the attention span of a ten-year-old wasn't enough to keep his head above water long enough to actually hear the answer.

So, we ordered him to keep his head above water while we speculated and then we discussed the concept for a bit, and I have to admit that it isn't that easy of a concept as I might have originally thought. The idea that maybe God sees lying as just as bad as murder is a real mind blower and certainly a hard one to metabolize.

If I try to think about lying as separating from God, though, and if I try to understand the damage that lying can do, it seems easier to understand that while they do different types of damage, they are both bad. Is it worse than murder? ummmmm...Well, taking a life is causing damage that goes beyond the person who dies. It is a generational type of damage because it affects the survivors and all of their families.

I have sometimes wondered if there was a point in taking on sin where there is no turning back. A place where, once you have gone that far, you have so totally rejected God that you can never make it back. I wouldn't want to go that far to test it, but the idea intrigues me, but I have known people who don't believe in God and yet they have such a kind and gentle nature and they are so giving that they seem almost religious. This has started me to thinking that maybe sin isn't so much about rejecting God as it is about loving evil. Loving evil things is making those evil acts a type of God in a way, and that is certainly different from just not believing in God or not knowing if there is a God.

So, I guess, on the whole, to me faith is about where you put your love. Personally, I put my love in the hands of a Gentle Shepherd who gave His life to pay for the sins I can't pay for. Some people put their love elsewhere, but where we put it, is of the most importance because it defines what we value.

As a parent, the moment is past, and I have to keep it simple for my son, but I like that he asked a question that is seemingly simple and yet very complex. It tells me, too, that he is thinking about the big issues in life and not just how long he can keep his head underwater.

Mother Teresa's Desert

2007-08-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was reading a TIME ARTICLE about Mother Teresa's crisis of faith. It is based on a book that will be coming out called "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light" edited and compiled by Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk. This book studies letters that Mother Teresa sent that show that she felt no presence of God in the last thirty plus years of her life. That's a long time to go without feeling the presence of God, and yet she accomplished so much and was such an important messenger for God. By her act of faith, she clearly exhibited much about what real Christianity is meant to be.

So much of our faith seems to be a form of experiencing God in a spiritual way, and yet when there are times that we don't feel God's presence, it feels as though we are empty and deeply lonely. It seems that Mother Teresa experienced this Desert for a long period of time.

I wonder if sometimes we misinterpret God's presence. We think that He isn't present, when in fact, He is very present. He often appears to be silent to us or removed from us, and yet, when the need presents itself, there He is. I've experienced this feeling of going from paradise to desert, and I think that part of it is what keeps us stretching upward toward Him.

I find that much about faith in God is a struggle, but the more that we stretch ourselves toward God, the more we begin to accomplish in His purpose. While reading the Time article about Mother Teresa, I wondered if it were possible that all of the accomplishments that she made were a result of her stretching toward God and continuing to seek Him.

Perhaps, in our humanness, we somewhat take for granted the real gift that the wonder and beauty of God's presence is to us. During the times that I have felt God's close presence, I have felt as though I were at a spiritual pinnacle that was similar to paradise. During these times, I have received the most direction and assistance and have had the most amazing experiences. During the times that I have felt as if he were absent, I have striven to seek Him more and often that seeking has led to great breakthroughs in my faith.

Frankly, like someone addicted to chocolate, one can become addicted to the presence of God because the feeling is so pleasurable. Yet when it feels distant, it is like a fast and our spirit longs for the sustenance of God's presence. For me, I could not sustain that heightening of the spirit that exists when God's spirit is working in me. It sometimes feels like I am on a runaway train and just barely holding on. I feel as though I could be burned up in the fire of God's burning spirit if I didn't have these extended periods of forced rest, and so I have learned to accept them as a mechanism that God uses to keep me doing what He wants me to do.

I can only speculate on why Mother Teresa felt that she had gone so long without feeling God's presence within her, but I wonder if it was GOd's way of keeping her going without burning her out. Our God's plans can sometimes seem like daunting tasks and they require energy that we don't always feel we have, but He is a gracious God who finds ways to get us through as if it were a stageplay and we were resting between acts. I think it is possible that the down times could be a gracious gift that God gives us to prepare for the next act.

A Little Diversion

2007-08-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'm going to step out of my normal mode of being all serious and religiousy for just a minute in order to recommend another blog. I recommend this blog, not because it has great religious significance or because great truths are being explored there. I recommend this blog because it seriously cracks me up and it does almost every day. I have become a real junkie for this blog. I find I have to read it everyday. It's nearly as important to me as my coffee.

It's The Dilbert Blog.

I don't know for sure, but I think that if there were a vote for the funniest writer in the world, Scott Adams would have to be up there at the top--at least in my book. He can take the simplest of news stories and find the humor and tell it just right. I can really appreciate that in a writer.

I started reading The Dilbert Blog, not because I am a fan of the Dilbert comic, but because I used to get the Dilbert Newsletter. I used to get the Dilbert Newsletter infrequently and it would always be filled with Scott Adams' witticisms. I would often sit at my desk and laugh out loud reading it. Now, I do the same thing with his blog.

I don't post on his blog. I don't because I don't have anything witty to say that would impress him or anyone else for that matter. A lot of people try to out-funny him on the comments, but they aren't funny. Besides, if I tried, he could outwit me in a millisecond and that intimidates me. So, I am content just being a voyeur to his blog. I quietly show up and start reading, then I start giggling out loud, and eventually someone walks by my desk and says, "Is it me?" I just laugh and say, "No, it's The Dilbert Blog again."

His blog has nothing to do with religous philosophies, although today he makes a comment about a religious guy who stepped into a lion's cage while proclaiming that God would protect him and the man was eaten anyway. That's not exactly religious, but it is kind of funny, in a sick sort of way. So, don't go to the blog if you are the kind of person who is easily offended by this kind of thing. If you just laughed, though, you might actually like his blog. I don't know if Scott Adams is religious, but I think he irreligious in so many ways, and that's probably why I like him---not because I agree with him philosophically, but because he says things that I could never think of to say and comes up with thoughts that I may have had, but wouldn't tell you about.

A Time for Every Purpose

2007-08-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

One morning, I was awakened at 5:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep. It was strange since I am really a creature of habit and I rarely have this type of experience.

I lay quietly for a while and tried to go back to sleep, then I finally got up, put my robe on and went into the living room for a while. I sat there in silence.

"What is it, Lord?" I looked at the ceiling and demanded an immediately answer. I could tell that something was up, but what I faced, I couldn't tell. It was that a thought came to mind that perhaps I should get in the shower so that I could be ready for whatever it was that I needed to face.

As soon as I stepped out of the shower, my phone rang and it was my brother-in-law from Ohio. He asked how I was and I rattled on about things in general, then he asked about our cruise. We had just returned from a cruise to Mexico, but this was our second cruise that year. I thought he was talking about the second cruise, but he didn't know about that one, and as I started talking about my cruise, he realized that.

I knew that my husband's sister had had financial problems for a while, but we didn't really know to what extent. So, I sat there on the phone talking about our two cruises and mentally kicking myself for bringing up our enjoyment when their family were struggling so much.

There was a touch of sadness in his voice, but he didn't ask anything and no serious problems were brought up during the call. However, several hours later I received an email that told the whole story. It told about how they had gotten behind on their house payments and that they were 15 days from foreclosure. Basically, he was asking us to help them.

I called my husband and we started the conversation. My husband didn't seem to want to help them, but he worried that they would lose their home. He asked me what I thought and I remember telling him that it was too bad that we didn't have the money. That's when my husband reminded me of some money we had put away for a buyback on his retirement, which was really icing on the cake for us. He then asked me what I thought we should do. I told him then what I had told him before, that we aren't involved in a church and we don't regularly give tithing, but when we know that someone is in need, that is our opportunity to tithe and so I encouraged my husband to consider giving money to them, but I also told him that if we gave it, we should only do so with the knowledge and understanding that we may never get it back. That year, we gave a large amount of money to save their home from foreclosure. A large part of the reason that I felt at peace about it was because of the feeling that I had had that morning that God intended for me to do it.

That was about five or six years ago, and since that time, we moved into a new home. We have struggled with the higher mortgage ourselves and we were nearly out of savings when my sister-in-law and her husband finally decided to sell their home. They called us last week and asked us how much interest they should pay us and that that they would be paying back the money they had borrowed. No interest necessary, my husband told them, and we received that check last week.

It came at just the right time. God's timing is like that. He knows what we need and when we need it and he provides for His people.

I look back at that early morning wake-up and I wonder at how God manages to make His will known to us. I learned a lot from that experience about the Grace that God offers us daily, weekly, always. He is a gracious God that we can rely on and who knows the right time for everything.

The Beautiful Song

2007-07-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, at the convalescent home, I sang probably one of the most dramatic songs that I have ever sung. Admittedly, I was worried that it would fall flat because it was at the convalescent home where the seniors are more ill and don't respond as much.

In this convalescent home, the seniors very often cannot communicate. Many of them have had strokes or they have Alzheimer's. Some of them can communicate, but you just don't know and even the ones who can, you don't know how much information they are taking in. There is always the factor of the unknown.

Even so, I poured my heart into the song, knowing that at some level the seniors would hear and understand. As I reached the pinnacle of the song, I came to the note that must be held for at least four measures and I took my deep breath and held it. As I ended the note, the lady on the front, usually silent and reserved, clapped her hands loudly and exclaimed, "That is a beautiful song--just beautiful!" I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion.

These kinds of outbursts are unusual at this place, and to exhibit that level of excitement over a song touched my heart. The tears welled up immediately, and unfortunately, I was up next to say the prayer and as I stumbled through the prayer trying to keep my voice from breaking, I realized that we have built some genuine love and affection here.

One woman keeps telling me, "Don't forget about us." I wonder how I could forget. God has placed me in this ministry and I couldn't stop if I tried.

Military Prayers and New Hope Road

2007-07-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

New Hope Road is the name of our Southern Gospel quartet for our ministry to convalescent homes. A while back, a coworker of mine was nice enough to help me with setting up a web site for that ministry online at WWW.NEWHOPEROAD.ORG and we brought it up. The picture on the front includes our friend, Al, who was drumming for us for a while, but he doesn't work with us anymore.

It's been there and I have submitted the site for free advertisement, but haven't received a large amount of traffic. There's really no need for traffic, really, other than for people to listen to our music and possibly book us for events in our area or for informational purposes.

I received the following note via that web site the other day:

I saw a blog and just found your site.
I have a son home on leave, and he is
really struggling with the thought of
being sent of to war.
He has been in the Army for 7 months
and is being sent to Iraq in a few weeks
I just don't know what or how to deal
with what to do to help him.
He joined and now wishes he was in mission field and not
being sent off to kill.
I'm just wandering how to best help him?

I had put a note that if anyone would like prayer they could email us at that address. I figured that if someone happened upon the site, they could send an email and get Christian guidance. Now, that has happened.

A while back, I sent an errant message to a pastor's web site when I was having troubles. It was kind of cathartic just to write the email and immediately after I sent it, I wished that I hadn't. I never received any note back, and I thought at the time that it was kind of sad that they didn't respond at all (even thought I was secretly relieved). However, I promised myself that if I ever received an email that I would respond immediately and be as supportive as I could possibly be and I hope that I fulfilled that promise.

Regardless, I am now aware of a need out there that I had never before considered. I hope that if you read this you will join me in a prayer for this person and their son, who will soon be struggling with issues of faith and war. The plight of Christians and their faith in times of war is a real issue right now.

My brother spent six months there and I had my prayer group praying for him through the whole time. In addition, my nephew, Jesse Ortega, was just shipped there. I thank everyone who did pray for him at that time and who is praying for my nephew, and I will go out on a limb and extend my offer to pray for any of your family who might be deployed or facing deployment. Just post it here, and they will be prayed for. Feel free to post any updates as well.

The Sacredness of Life

2007-07-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

In a nearby hospital, my 28-year-old sister-in-law is suffering from the ravaging effects of diabetes. Her kidneys shut down completely two years ago, and she now is waiting for someone to donate a kidney and a pancreas. She needs both because of the diabetes, which she has fought since childhood.

She had a little girl, a real-life miracle, nearly two years ago. The child was born at only two pounds, but she now is a bubbly little beauty with auburn hair and her momma's green, almond-shaped eyes.

Personally, I struggle in my prayers for her. It's easy for me to pray for healing, to pray for good continuing health, but when it comes to praying for a transplant, I have to take pause. I pause because I know what it means. For me to pray for my sister-in-law to receive a pancreas and a kidney means that someone must die, and I am a believer in life. I believe in the sacredness of life and must in firm conscience preserve it at all costs, and so that is the prayer that I have avoided, skirting it, knowing that I couldn't ask for someone else to slip away so that my own sweet sister can live.

Today and each day forward, I have determined to pray that everyone who loses a family member will donate their loved one's organs in order to give others life. In doing this, I picture a family saying their goodbyes to their wife, son, daughter, mother, father, uncle or aunt, and I am humbled by it. Their lives are as important as my sister's, just as sacred, just as meaningful. However, it would be a tragedy to let a vital organ go unused without the benefit of knowing that it could help another person preserve sacred life.

Today, if you are reading this, you are likely physically well and hopefully, your family members are well, but someday, you may face a decision that you could not have conceived having to make. At that time, I would hope that you would think about the sacred lives that you could save through organ donation.

You can register to be an organ donor today at http://www.organdonor.org

God Bless!

A Living Stone

2007-06-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was listening to "The Bible Experience" on my iPod on the way home from work, and I was struck by a particular section of it in first Peter where he talks about our being a living stone. The analogy is that we are living stones in the building that is built by God, and that Jesus is the cornerstone.

"Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also,as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."

As I listened to these words, I was struck by God's great love for us. Though we are rejected by others, by even family, we are precious to God and chosen by Him.

"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy."

What these words mean to me is nearly indescribable. They are beautiful words of a God who chose me for a purpose to join with others of His chosen people to fulfill His purpose. I can't explain the gratefulness that I have to God for the gift that He has given me, but a part of me wonders, "Who am I to deserve this gift?"

Who am I to deserve this gift? There are people who would say that there are many more people who deserve such a gift than me. I would probably agree with them, but I am grateful and honored that God has chosen me to be a part of "royal priesthood."

When I think about a royal priesthood, I think of it as a great honor that I feel I must live up to. The term brings to mind a status like that of kings and queens yet also gaining the respect of a priest. It makes me think that I shouldn't squander such an honor by living like everyone else and wallowing in my own sin. I should try to rise above my own fallen nature, but I also feel ashamed at the thought of how much I have already squandered it.

For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men--as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God.

We are free, but we are bondservants of God. On the outset, one might think that this means we've suddenly been demoted from "royal priesthood" to bondservant, but I know that this means that although I have been freed from my own sin, I will be fulfilling my purpose by chosing to remain God's bondservant and doing His will. Even so, His will for me is better than I could even imagine for myself.

I am struck at how this chapter in Peter shows God's generosity and love for us. I would like to live up to that love. In tennis, when I was behind in the last set, I would sometimes hit a point where I had to decide either to concede the match or to kick it up another notch. The competitor in me usually kicked it up a notch, and often, that was enough for me turn the tide on the opponent. This chapters tells me that it's time for me to kick things up a notch. Either I concede to my own fallenness or I step forward and live according to God's will. It isn't easy, but it's the end of the third set, and it's worth fighting for.

Sing Unto the Lord a New Song....

2007-06-22T11:08:00.001-07:00

I read an article today that was written by a praise leader. She was saying that the point of singing in the church is to offer God a new kind of offering, one that is uniquely special. In a way, that type of description always makes me feel a little perplexed and somewhat curious, but honestly, I think that sometimes we oversimplify the worship experience.

Several years ago, we were members of a praise team and we did the weekly service. In this church, our service was the later service, and there were times when we would be asked to combine services and join with the traditional choir to worship in the sanctuary. Whenever we did this, we always felt like it fell flat. There was always little or no real response to our music. One day, during a meeting with the pastor, we suggested that the next time the congregation has a combined service, that perhaps it could be in the fellowship hall with us where we usually worhsip. We scheduled the event and were really looking forward to it. It still fell flat.

That day, I learned that the difference was in the way that the congregation received our music. It was only a year or two later that we were no longer in that church, and our same group started our ministry to convalescent homes. In our ministry to convalescent homes, we coordinate an entire service for the seniors. Doing this has formed some interesting opinions in me about the nature of worship and the role that music plays in worship.

I've been to a lot of different churches in the last few years and I have seen some praise groups who really make a connection with the congregation and I have seen some who don't. The groups who don't make a connection with the congregation are usually standing up there and what they are sending is dropping on the floor before it even leaves the altar. I have noticed that a lot of churches tend to have a "sing along" type of praise music. This sing-along time often doesn't do anything for me. I am more often moved when I see the praise group themselves moved by the music, but I rarely see that kind of emotion in praise groups.

Often, it seems as though the praise groups aren't really sending anything out. When I am singing with our ministry, I have a sort of experience of being a funnel for the Holy Spirit. I feel as if I am a vessel that is sending out His word in the form of music. It's draining and exhilirating all at the same time. Often, after the ministry, I find that I need to lie down for an hour afterward in order to recuperate.

This woman in this article stated the following:

I have my preferences too, but the point of singing is not to please me. The point is that it's an offering of our hearts to God. When we sing to the Lord, we are bringing Him an offering that is unique and, I also believe, powerful!

When I read those words, I wondered to myself, "Why do I feel so differently about this experience?" Nearly every time we have our ministry we connect with seniors and we feel strongly the movement of the Holy Spirit in our ministry, and I am not saying that I don't connect with God. I am saying that the process involves more than just me connecting. It involves me connecting and then it involves me sending on the connection to those who are in the pews and then it involves the people in the pews not rejecting what I'm sending. They have to receive it as well.

If it were a mathematical equation, it would look like this:

a + b + c = Holy Spirit on Fire!

a= me connecting with God
b= me sending out that connection
c= congregation receiving the connection

So, I can do just "a," and have a great time up there, but it would be self-serving. I can do "b" without "a" and it would be boring without the movement of the Holy Spirit. I can do "a" and "b" and if "c" doesn't connect, then it will still fall flat. When all three come together, it is pure magic.

God is Just a Prayer Away

2007-06-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

I’ve posted before about a prayer group that I started at my office after a coworker’s wife had a massive heart attack several years ago. We recently dismantled the prayer group because people were too busy and the weekly meetings were getting smaller and smaller.

Recently, however, a retired coworker of ours suffered a heart attack and so her son, also a fellow coworker, called us to request our prayers. To me, it was a wonderful confirmation of our availability.

When the call went out to the prayer group to meet once again to serve the needs of this family, a very large group gathered—larger than I might have expected. In fact, there were several people there whom I would never have expected to attend a prayer group.

Last Thursday, we met again after she suffered a setback after an angioplasty. Her son had called us to request our prayers and specifically asked that we also pray for him. He was also adamant that we should pray for him, as he was going through some real difficulties. I led the prayer in the best way that I could, and when I lifted my head, I saw tears in the eyes of several of our prayer warriors, and I realized that God has reached out and crossed many boundaries here.

I am honored to offer that kind of availability to those around me, and I am always amazed at how prayer bridges gaps that might exist between denominations or philosophies.

I posted about a week ago about my own difficulties in prayer, and I listed to a podcast by Tony Campolo last week about prayer that really helped me through it. He talked about how the average American only spends about six minutes a day in prayer. I knew that I was that average American and I knew that if I am only willing to give God a few minutes a day, then I am not willing to go all the way with him in other ways.

Another helpful aspect of what Tony had to say were some of the methods of prayer that he discussed. He talked about contemplative prayer, where we place our minds on Jesus and we imagine ourselves in His presence. This kind of prayer places us in the right frame of mind.

He also discussed scripture prayer. This kind of prayer allows us to focus on a particular meaningful passage and really go over the words that are there. I don't think we spend enough time with the words in the Bible. I know I don't.

The third type of prayer that he discussed was prayer at the end of the day where, in our minds, we recall first what we did right during the day and secondly what we did wrong. It is our opportunity to reflect how we managed to be a reflection of God in our daily experience. This one I didn't try because I forgot, but I hope I will plan to start making a habit of it so that I can begin the next day with a clean slate within my own soul.

This weekend, after a time of contemplative prayer, I focused on the 139th Psalm and I realized that God really loves us. He loves us in spite of our flaws and in spite of our lack of time spent with him. The 139th Psalms reminds us that God knows every part of us, and that there is nothing that we can hide from Him. A God that knows us that well must surely be a God who cares to know us that well--a loving, merciful God.

I know that for me the time that I spent in contemplative prayer and scripture verse prayer was invaluable.

Finding Solutions Not Just Problems

2007-06-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

Almost everyone loves ice cream. You seldom hear any bad comments about a nice, cold ice cream. Sure, there are folks who prefer strawberry and some who won't touch chocolate, but generally ice cream is a hit. However, I have noticed that our society is generally becoming a society of critics. We eat an ice cream cone and we think, "This is great, but I wish it were in a cup" or "This is good, but it would be better with fudge on top."

We never seem to be really satisfied. My son, for instance, will talk for hours about video games. He loves video games, but as soon as he gets the video game that he likes, he is desirous of the next one that is on the horizon.

Some of us have brought that attitude to church as well. We think to ourselves that this church would be better if we could do this or if we could do that, but it never seems to be quite right the way that it is. A good share of this is because of our critical natures, and I wonder if we are getting worse. I wonder if we are getting worse because we have so many choices and not just in churches but in every walk of life.

When my husband and I leave the house to go to dinner, he will ask, "Where do want to eat?" My answer is always the same, "I don't care. I will eat whatever you want." Then, I will go on and suggest some places, but it is always followed up by, "No, that's hard to get into." or "No, that doesn't sound good." You know, we approach church the same way.

No church is ever going to be perfect because there are no perfect people. We can look for the place that is closest to our wants and needs, but in the end, it is still an imperfect place. Even so, we keep looking and I don't really blame them because I am one of them, too.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if I am just questioning a church for the sake of questioning. I wonder if I really care that much about the things that I see wrong with churches. I also think that maybe I should be offering more solutions, rather than just questioning all the time. I see that a lot of people have questions, but not a lot of people try to honestly explore and find the solutions.

I don't want to be someone who just talks about problems and never comes up with solutions. If I find myself doing that, then I am not going in the direction that I should be going. I think that it is perfectly valid to question the relevance of the church in our society, but we have to do it in the context of finding ways to make it relevant.

That way, we won't find ourselves always disenchanted with whatever it is we have.

The Rebellious Daughter

2007-06-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why God expects me to pray all the time. He knows what I need. He knows what I want before I even ask for it. The truth is, God doesn't stand over me with a closed fist and expect it of me. He wants me to want to pray, and that makes it worse when I don't want to.

I don't want to pray a lot. Sometimes, I am angry or sad and I don't want to come to the Lord in that state of mind. Even though I know that it will help my attitude, I resist---no, I take that back, I rebel. I am like a teenager facing her father and angrily saying, "I'm not going to do it!"

Marilyn Hontz is a pastor's wife who wrote a lovely little book called, "Listening for God." In this book, she talks a lot about the relevance of prayer. One of things that really struck me was when she described God as a parent whose child had just finished playing a winning football game. The parent had watched the child play the game, but still wanted to sit with the child afterward and listen to them talk about it. She said that that kind of communication is what God wants with us. He wants to be a part of our lives and prayer is what bring us closer to Him.

I'm sure that you can remember when you were a teenager and you didn't want to talk to your parents about anything. You wanted to solve everything on your own. You wanted them to stay out of your life, and actually we do that to God everyday.

I've been doing it to Him for weeks now and it hasn't done me a bit of good. I've had problems at work, home, everywhere I go, and still I act like that angry teenager who wants to be left alone. You know, just like my parents did when I was a teenager, my God loves me in spite of my rebellion. He lets me make my mistakes and when I can't take anymore, He comes along patiently and lovingly and helps me out. Even when I come to Him only when I have problems, He understands and helps me out. He's a great Father--the best and most patient.

Eventually, I will remember my first love and I will come to Him and realize again that He has saved me from myself. In doing that, I will stop blocking His love for me and I will accept it openly until it pours over me and washes away all of my insecurities and petty moments of self-pity. Then, I will thank Him for hanging in there with me through it all--even though I didn't deserve it.

Choosing God

2007-05-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

I saw a great documentary the other night called "The Conscientious Objector." It was all about a 7th Day Adventist man in WWII who applied to be a conscientious objector and how he became a hero and received the medal of honor without ever carrying a gun. You can read more about this man by clicking HERE.
Watching this movie came on the heels of my own reading about a modern day conscientious objector who tells his story on a this BLOG.

Without getting political about the whole conscientious objector thing, I was struck by a difference in the way that the WWII veterans handled their return from the war and the way later generations have handled theirs. Many of these WWII veterans simply refused to even speak about some of the horrors that they witnessed or carried out while later generations have been more open. I'm not saying that one way is better than the other, but I think that it came more as a surprise to me to hear these elderly men of glorious WWII open up and shed tears on camera, many of them sharing things about their experiences for the first time.

To me, it just outlines how much things have changed in our era. We are more open about things, but in some ways, we often are more self-involved, too. For my part, I grew up in a world that was largely free of war. I remember at a young age the return of the POW's after the end of the Vietnam War, but from that point on, there were only minor skirmishes. That certainly has an affect on the way that I view war.

Even so, after this Memorial Day, I am thinking that in some ways it can be detrimental to our faith to be too nationalistic. Don't get me wrong, I love my country and I believe that we need to defend it, but I also believe that I answer to higher power and that higher power might mean that someday I might have to part ways with my country and do something like what Desmond Doss did. To have to make a choice like that, it would mean that my country was going a different direction than what God wants me to go. If I ever do have to choose faith over country, I believe that God will bless my decision, but I earnestly hope and pray that that will never have to happen or that it will never happen to my child.

A Show of Servanthood

2007-05-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

During the message last week, Sue talked about God being light in a dark world. It was a great message of hope that encouraged each of us to help one another to be God's flashlights in a dark world. During Sue's message, I sat next to Lucinda, one of our partners.

Lucinda's husband, Dion, is another of those partners and he sat on the other side of the room during Sue's message. Dion is a very tall man. I would say that he towers at about six foot four and his height is accentuated by thick, white, wavy hair that lies unruly, crowning the top of his head. He's somewhere in his mid- to late-sixties, I'd say.

On the front row, there was a woman dressed in pink sitting in a wheelchair. A recent stroke must have made it difficult for her to sit naturally in her wheelchair. She looked a little uncomfortable and at some point during Sue's message, she lost control of her foot and her bright pink slipper fell off her foot. It lay there on the ground until Dion walked deliberately over to the woman and bent down. Reaching down to the ground, he picked up the slipper and gently placed it back on the woman's foot. He tapped her foot sweetly and returned to his seat.

I was suddenly transported back to a scene of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. Bending over each of his disciples, he must've gently washed each of their feet and then dried them, lowering himself to a state of absolute servanthood. It seemed that I was watching it once again in the form of Dion, God's flashlight in a dark world.

Sometimes, like Sue's message, we can talk about what it means to be a Christian. Sometimes, it becomes important to demonstrate it. I couldn't have been more impressed than to see it demonstrated in the form of a big man lowering all 6'4" of himself down in order to put a pink slipper on the foot of an elderly woman.

Worshipping Like a Poet

2007-05-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

There is a blog that I like to frequent called THE HOUSE CHURCH BLOG. One of the reasons that I like to go there is because they have a more grass roots way of looking at fellowship and worship services.

Today, I went there and Roger's post was about Henri Nouwen's book, "The Compulsive Minister." I have always loved Henri Nouwen's writing. He exudes the love of Christ in a very beautiful way. The post wasn't so much about Nouwen's book as it was about Roger's experience as to why he has moved toward house church instead of the traditional model of church. He talks about his desire to see church/faith be more organic.

Sometimes, when I am sitting in a pew that is carefully placed in a neat line, with aisles on both sides, facing the minister, who is standing on a raised platform at the front, and I am listening to his wisdom, and to his ideas, it becomes for me less about experiencing God and more about having an experience. In those times, a part of me wants to stand up and say, "Hey! What are we doing here? Let's sit down, pull our chairs together and all of us have a deep talk. Let's discuss real and meaningful issues and let's see if we can come up with some ways to better love God and to help the world."

Last Sunday, my husband and I went to a great Sunday service. It was the first time that we had gone to this church, and one thing that I really liked was the pastor's message. He was real and relevant and funny at times, but he was still talking at us from atop his perch. In this church, he encouraged people to respond with clapping or some "amens," and that was good, but when the service is over, would I be able to walk up to this pastor and interact with him in any way? I would have to get in line with the other 300 people in the church, and maybe that is part of the problem with putting one person at the head. He can't possibly be expected to be accessible to everyone at all times, but it isn't just about the pastor. It's about all of us.

Our ministry brings a service to seniors at convalescent homes, and while it isn't exactly interactive, there is really no leader in our group. It is a joint effort between our quartet and the person who gives the message. We all have different talents that we bring to the service, but each one accomplishes his own duties. At the end, we all go down to the seniors and greet them and talk to them and ask them how they are feeling. At that point, we are equally pastor figures and we are equally accessible. It truly is one of the strengths of our ministry that we stop being at the front and become part of the group. I don't think our method is more right than the other, but it is very relevant and it impacts those we minister to.

Obviously, that kind of worship service can't be done in large churches. There has to be one man in a large church who is at the head of it, and I can see the value in both types of experiences, but I don't think it's wrong to question the way that we do church. If we don't question whether or not we're being relevant, we can fall prey to slipping into a "we've always done it that way" philosophy that can stagnate our growth and meaningfulness.

In the end, it's about personal transformation. We need to be transformed in our hearts in such a way that when we enter into worship, it is like poetry. If enough of us are transformed then we create a living, moving, and fluid expression of worship. I think that worhsipping God is a lot like poetry. It has a rhythm and a flow and it has a beauty and power that is both deeply emotional and meaningful. Why isn't it that way in every single church when God is the ultimate creative being?

A Walk Through the Desert

2007-05-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly distant from God, I feel as though it is like a walk through the desert without any end in sight and no hope for rain, but I shouldn't really feel that way because I usually pull out of it pretty soon.

I was having a conversation the other day and someone said that they wanted to feel God every moment of every day. I might have once made that comment, but I have come to learn that it just isn't possible to have that kind of connection. Even if it were possible, the human side of me would probably choose not to experience God at some point. I would be wanting a rest stop from God.

Sometimes, I know that it's me pulling away from God. I step away from Him and just stop doing the God thing for a while. I wander in the desert and hope that He will patiently come to me when I finally get to the point that I need to drink again. He's pretty faithful, but I usually end up depressed and missing my connection time.

Other times, I feel like I am trying to make that connection and God is just absent. I feel like he has caused a draught and has refused to let it rain on me. These are the times when I feel the most lonely. It seems as though it is some kind of cruel abandonment. Still, when I come out of the desert and enter that oasis after one of these experiences, I find myself in such a heady state of rejoicing that I hardly even remember what the desert felt like.

During my walks through the desert, I learn a lot. I learn more about why I need God and where I need to go next. I learn to be patient. I learn to understand that God is waiting for the right time to do more work in me. I also learn that He is there, but He wants me to believe in Him without having to experience Him every minute of every day.

I don't desire for the walks in the desert because they aren't easy, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I wouldn't because they are the times when I learn so much about God's Grace and His love for us. I am too human to sustain a constant communion with God although I try.

If you're wandering that desert right now, let me tell you that the oasis will come. It may not be soon, but the rain will come. If it's raining for you, and you want it to keep on raining, that's okay, but understand that some day the desert will come. It will be the way that God prunes the vines that he loves so much.

On a Lighter Note...

2007-04-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

Some of you may not know about this, but I work for the Ventura County Office of Education in Technology Services department. Our office started a collaboration last year with the Channel Islands National Park Service and we set up an EagleCam for a nest on Santa Cruz Island.

The Eagle's Nest produced its first native born eaglet last year at about this time. It was the first native born eaglet in 50 years since the Montrose Restoration Settlement was set in place to restore the environment that had been so damaged that all Bald Eagles had left the island completely. The parents of this chick were both hacked onto the island. There is information about this process on the web site as well.

What a wonderful time spring is! We just had another native born baby chick this year! There is VIDEO OF THE HATCHING .

Right now, the live footage of the baby eaglet can be viewed at EAGLECAM and there is even a link to a discussion board where many Eagle watchers give daily and moment-to-moment updates. The EagleCam is only available for viewing from 6am to 6pm pacific time.

Last year, we all watched as our eaglet was tagged prior to its fledging and that was an exciting day. If you can imagine, a grown man climbed up into this nest, which rests on top of a tree at about 40 ft. in the air. This man sat cross legged in the nest, which gave us an amazing idea of how big that nest really is.

On Thursday evening of this week, some of the footage from our EagleCam will be used on Animal Planet's show "Spring Watch USA" which airs on Animal Planet at 8 pm, Pacific. If you can catch the program, you will be able to see a bit of history in the making.

You see? If we are good caretakers of our environment, we can make a difference!

I Want to Be a Pilgrim

2007-04-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

When most Americans think of pilgrims, it conjures up images of large hats, big buckles, a feast, and turkeys. I guess that’s fairly logical, since most Americans were raised in the public school system which taught us about the Mayflower pilgrims who journeyed over to the new world because of their faith.

Personally, I have a sort of a Johnny Appleseed idea of what the word pilgrim means to me. Most of us know the story of the man who traveled across the country with a pot on his head, throwing down apple seeds, and building the nation one apple tree at a time. I have always liked the idea of being that kind of pilgrim.

I remember reading a short booklet once about a woman who named herself Peace Pilgrim and she walked across the country to talk to others about peace. She talked about peace among nations, families, and friends. She meant for peace to be obtained nationally, regionally, locally, and personally. She talked about a spiritual peace because she was a modern day pilgrim, spreading her seed among all who would listen.

Each one of us can be that kind of pilgrim without having to leave behind our lives and our families. We can be in a pilgrim state of mind, laying down spiritual seeds as we move among the people in our everyday lives. In that sense, we all have the potential of being a pilgrim, but it takes a certain amount of effort. It takes a willingness to be open to others, to be a listener, a receiver. It takes the ability to share ourselves with transparency to those around us, and to genuinely care about what is going on with them. It takes being aware of others first, and ourselves second.

If we shed our former skins and wear the new skin of a pilgrim, we can be one who wanders among the world and shines outward with such brilliance. A pilgrim doesn’t need to walk down a lonely highway in order to spread his seeds. A pilgrim can be a pilgrim while standing at the water cooler at their office, while sitting at their child’s baseball game, while standing in line at the grocery store. Pilgrims aren’t what they are because of the distances that they travel. What distinguishes them is that they travel with their faith.

I want to be a pilgrim. I want to move among the world and spread seeds of spiritual wonder so that all might know the wonderful, loving God that I know. I want to remember to listen more than I speak, to cry alongside others rather than offer advice, and to exhibit love to those whom we, in our fallen state, think don’t deserve it. I want to be a pilgrim.

The Vaccine for Evil

2007-04-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

I can never know what the families of the victims at Virginia Tech. are going through and I pray that I never have to know. It is an incomprehensible and difficult thing to understand for all of us. As the layers of a tortured young man's spiraling psyche start to be pulled away by the investigative eye of the media and the world, we can't help but ask questions of ourselves about what this all means in the face of our faith.

Whenever times like this happen, our human response is to ask, "Why?" Almost in childlike ways, we turn our faces upward and demand from God an answer for these inexplicable events. We demand reason in the face of a lack of reason, and we expect that we will get it. However, there is no reason that would ever explain the torture and darkness that lay in the heart of this young man because there have lived men who have endured worse and they have not been devoured by their darkness.

In our hearts, we question God and we wonder how He could allow such desperate acts to happen, but Job answered that question much better than I can. "What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?" Yes, there is evil. The darkest, the deepest, the worst of what humanity is capable of, but there is yet still good that is far greater.

There are a wealth of tragedies in this situation. The tragedies of those families of the victims, the friends of the victims, but there is also the tragedy of the family of the man who committed this act as well. They suffer from the loss, but their guilt grows and their questions multiply, wondering what they might have done to cause it or what they might have done differently. We should not forget them when we pray, for we cannot know their circumstances.

I can't help thinking about the terrible incident at the Amish school last October and the way that the Amish reacted so differently to it. It was one of the greatest testimonies of what it means to be a Christian that I have ever seen. You see, in spite of the evil that is done to us, Christ told us that we must not return evil with evil. Jesus knew that evil was highly contagious, but He shared with us the vaccine for it and that is goodness, kindness, and love. It may at times seem insignificant in the face of great horrors, but in the end, good is far more powerful than its nemesis.

Yesterday, a friend of mine came to my cubicle and told me about her daughter's pregnancy with her second child. She told me that for various reasons she had encouraged her daughter to get her tubes tied. One of the reasons she cited was the state of the world. "The way things are going, I don't know how people even have children," she said and she was being honest.

I told her yesterday what I tell you today. There is still hope in the world. Hope that lives and grows beyond the evil done. Hope doesn't always make the news, but grows up out of the dust of the rubble that evil leaves behind. Hope is winning, but we don't look at it because it is simple, peaceful, beautiful, serene. Hope is alive and well.

I am a Christ Follower

2007-04-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I was often asked if I was a member of "The Church." Since I grew up in Utah, the assumption was that "The Church" was the Mormon church. I usually answered that I was not a member of the Mormon Church and the next logical question was, "What religion are you?"

I used to tell people that I was a Christian and most LDS members would respond by saying, "Well, yes, but what church do you belong to?" To which I would say that I didn't belong to any organized church. That usually ended the conversation pretty quickly because that label had its own set of assumptions. Today I am still answering that question.

We often tend to put labels on people on the basis of religion or class or race. We do it without thinking. It makes us feel more comfortable to know that we are dealing with a known quantity. However, more and more there is a growing number of people who don't want to be known by any label, organization, class, or race. They want the people that they meet to get to know them by their own merit. It seems fair.

I have used the term "Non-denominational" because it seems to be a label that people can live with, but I think that a better description of what I stand for would be "Christ Follower." A Christ Follower is not restricted to being any particular person, place, or thing. He/she is simply one who follows the precepts of Christ and that is a label that I can live with.

The more I have interacted with various churches, the more I have come to realize that my first level of identification should be as a Christ Follower. From there, I can branch out and be a member of a greater congregation, but if I lose my identify as a Christ Follower, I am forgetting the core of my belief. I think that Christians of many denominations in many ways have lost touch with being a Christ follower. They mistakenly believe that membership to their organization is the same thing.

Being a Christ Follower seems to infer that there is still seeking involved, and I believe that we should continue to seek Christ even after we believe that we have found Him. The term "Christ Follower" seems to infer that there is a submission and an acceptance of Him as well. Being a Christ Follower seems to be more of an action than something that we are supposed to be called or named. Yes, I think I prefer Christ Follower if a label must be put on me.

Even so, I think it is important to reject labels in general. No one can fulfill a label in its entirety and no label can fully describe all of the complexities of any one person. Labels restrict, divide, and limit. Throwing away labels allows us to stretch across class lines, racial lines, and lines drawn by religions.

I am a Christ Follower. He walked before me, and now I walk after Him in hopes that I can fully discover all of the attributes of His Greatness. That is the only label that I am able to live with and the only label that I would like to be identified with and if you want to get to know me, you must first get to know the One that I follow.

No Way to Describe

2007-03-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

This morning, my son and I were reading the story about King Nebuchadnezzar and Daniel's interpretation of the King's dream. After Daniel received a vision regarding the meaning of King Nebuchadnezzar's dream, he prayed this prayer:

Blessed be the name of God for ever and ever: for wisdom and might are
his:
And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know
understanding: He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what [is] in
the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.
I thank thee, and praise thee, O thou God of my fathers, who hast given me wisdom and might, and hast made known unto me now what we desired of thee: for thou hast [now] made known unto us the king's matter.

I wish I could learn to praise God like that. In fact, sometimes when I feel like really praising God, I find that the words that I try to use are just too small to describe His Greatness. Greatness. You see, it's not big enough.

Glorious. Righteous. Majestic. Fabulous. Awesome. Exalted. I don't know, but all those words just don't seem to be big enough for God. I think it would be great if you could create a word that meant all the things that you feel about God, but I get the feeling that God doesn't want it to be that easy for us. I think He wants us to think about Him and dwell on the aspects of His Greatness.

I think that that praising God was very much a virtue that the Jewish people possesed. They spent a lot of time praising God and describing Him. They invested time in making sure that they thanked Him for how truly big He is. For that reason, they probably understood Him better in some ways than we do. Moses sang these words after God parted the Red Sea:

I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

The LORD [is] my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he [is] my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

There's more to that verse in Exodus 15:2-18.

I am just amazed when I read the Psalms and consider how much time David invested in praising God, and it humbles me. I mean, I don't spend very much time at all, and in fact, I am not very good at it. I feel guilty, and you know, I should. I should because God is Great and we spend a whole lot more time asking things of Him than we do expressing thanks and praise for things that He is already doing.

Last night, we performed for a senior housing complex and it was a half hour program of nothing but Southern Gospel songs. We didn't make it a service, but God was there among us. He touched some hearts last night through the words of the music that we used to praise him.

He gives me sweet peace when I'm down in the valley beside the still waters he
leads me. He restoreth my soul. My cup runneth over. The kind shepherd leads
to pastures of green and there He gives me sweet peace.

Yes, that was the 23rd Psalm in the form of a beautiful Southern Gospel song. I think David would be proud of how it was done last night, so maybe all is not lost for us. God was there among us. I realized that as seniors rushed forward to thank us with tears in their eyes and with smiles in their hearts. Wonderful, warm embraces showed us that God's love shone out through our music.

God is so great, amazing, awesome, majestic, merciful, powerful, glorious. He lifts up the weak and gives them strength to continue on. His shadow falls across all who know Him. His light lives in the hearts of those who seek Him. His mercy is as great as His power, and He fills our hearts with gladness. He comforts the wounded, the sick, and the lonely.

He is greater than words can ever express.

Copyrighting Jesus

2007-03-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

My friend brought this by after lunch today and gave it to me. She said it made her think of me, and I got a kick out of it. Actually, it makes me laugh, but it also reminds me sometimes we seem to view Jesus through the lens of our culture.

Since our culture is inundated with franchises, copyrights, and marketing schemes, so, too, has Jesus become a bit of a commodity. We see it in some of the megachurches and even in the way that we approach reaching out to others.

It fits really well with what I am reading right now, which is Philip Yancey's "The Jesus I Never Knew." I'll be honest, I thought that I would know exactly what Yancey was going to say in this book, but I was actually really surprised. In the book, he discusses how we view the stories about Jesus in a very different way. We think of the stories through a Sunday school lens and in our heads, resides a handsome, white Jesus who is anything but Jewish. Yet, Jesus was very much Jewish in every way and for us to forget that or to view him in a more Protestant way is to see Him one-dimensionally.

Have we turned Jesus into a commodity? Is salvation something we appear to be able to buy and sell these days? Sometimes, I wonder.

One day, I was talking with my son about Jesus and he made a comment about how Jesus doesn't wear clothes. I said, "What? He doesn't wear clothes?!"

To which my son replied, "Well, he wears pajamas, but not clothes, and on that one picture he only wears underwear." I had to laugh. The picture he was talking about was called "La Pieta" and it is a picture of a dead Jesus, naked with only a small cloth over his privates, cradled in Mary's arms as she cries. I picked that picture because it didn't glamorize Jesus' death as much as others I had seen. In fact, it showed Mary's anguish and it showed loving cherubim gently kissing their savior's body. I found it very poignant.

As children, that is very much how our perception of Jesus is formed, but the more we start to delve into reading more about Him and the more we learn about Jewish tradition and culture, the more informed we become about who Jesus really was. I would hate to think that my son's frame of reference of who Jesus is might be based on a Jesus pencil topper!

Likewise, when we approach people with talk about Jesus, we often use methods or systems that have a tinge of insincerity about them or we might have an agenda. We tend to oversimplify a very complex story, and we expect that people should naturally take to the story without reservation. However, the story of Jesus is a story that is puzzling to many and horrifying to others. We might be describing it as a story of great love and beauty, but to others it is an awful tale of violence and puzzlement. Why would a loving God give up His son? Why would he require blood sacrifice? Those questions can't be answered by a pencil topper or any one verse from the New Testament. They are often questions that have to be worked through over time. We need to have the patience to give people time to metabolize His story.

In the end, I think this pencil topper is funny, but I don't know how good it is at making me think of the real man Jesus was. Then again, maybe it did. I am writing about it, so...

Loving His Dream

2007-03-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

We just passed another anniversary with our convalescent home ministry. It was about four years ago this month that we started our convalescent home ministry. As I look back over the last four years, I realize that there are a lot of things that we learned. God has been so generous with us and has directed our paths so graciously.

Eulah has been with us from the beginning and has been to nearly every single service that we have had and there is a strength in Eulah that I love. Eulah had a stroke and lost use of her entire right side, so instead of clapping, she waves. She has a way of communicating what she wants without words. Eulah always wears sparkly jewelry, too. She often shows us her rings and necklaces that she takes pride in. Eulah was a minister's wife and spent a lot of time in church, no doubt.

A few years ago, Eulah's daughter came to visit from Texas. She was thrilled to see our ministry on that day and told us that it relieved her to know that there were people like us there. She had really been touched, but I could tell that Eulah's daughter lived a sort of troubled life. Yesterday, we saw Eulah's daughter once again and I immediately recognized her. I was happy to see her again, but barely had time to greet her before we had to start our ministry. We sang "People Get Ready" during the service and I noticed that Eulah's daughter had to leave the room because she was overcome by tears.

After the service, I reached out the Eulah's daughter, but the barrier was up by then. Even so, Eulah's daughter will be returning to our service because she has moved to California once again. I intend to pray that she opens her heart to Christ in the future. I know God will bring her back to Him. Perhaps He already is doing that.

As I look over the years in remembrance of what we have done, I realize that we have done something that goes beyond music and that is a legacy that I am deeply grateful for. God continually sends family members and seniors our way and we accept them on their terms. I have never been very comfortable with the more pentecostal expressions of faith, and yet, I have found myself praying for healing with a pentecostal woman who asked me to lay hands on her.

God empowers us to do things that we might once have thought were reserved for pastors, but pastors don't corner the market on the work of the Lord and we shouldn't expect that it is exclusively their job. God empowers people to do things that are beyond their wildest dreams.

I remember a particlular Twila Paris song where the words said, "Could it be that He is only waiting there to see, if I could learn to love the dream that He has dreamed for me." How true those words are to me!

Roots

2007-03-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, my family watched the miniseries "Roots" on television. It was a compelling and interesting story and brought to me a vivid picture of the horrors of slavery. Today, I saw an interesting story on the Internet about David Wilson, a young man who sought out his own roots and traced his family back to a plantation that still stands today. In fact, he met an ancestor of the very family that his own family had been enslaved to. This man's name was also David Wilson. You can read the article about it at http://boomers.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=384625 There is also a great video clip about it as well.

The black David Wilson is a filmmaker and is making a film about his experience, which starts in the city of Newark and goes all the way to Ghana where he meets those whose DNA most closely matches his own. In the movie, he talks about the disconnect that most blacks feel with their heritage, and how their histories are virtually wiped out by slavery. I have to admit that it really made me think.

I am a descendant of the black Danes. They aren't black, but they were called this because of their dark hair and dark eyes. My grandfather was a Danish immigrant at the age of thirteen. My grandmother was a second generation descendant of English lineage. I know this about my mother's family and it makes me proud in a weird kind of way. I can imagine that I am descended from proud Danish men or conservative Englishmen. However, on my father's side, the descendants are much murkier. There is little evidence of knowledge of my grandfather's true lineage. It muddies the waters a bit. For that reason, I feel more kinship toward my mother' s side of the family---geneologically speaking.

Is it important for us to understand our own roots? I think there must be something to it. I don't know what it is and I don't totally understand it, but I know that when I find something out about my family members who have been long gone, I have a better understanding of where I came from. That has to be important to people whose heritage includes slavery as well.

Just because slavery was abolished a long time ago, we can't simply deny that it has any real affect on us. Most blacks would probably agree that the thought of slavery in our history is a source of anger and disgust. Well, it is for me, too, but in a very different way. For me, it may not be as personal.

In the movie, David Wilson asks the plantation owner David Wilson if he feels that he has directly benefitted from slavery. The man pauses and has real trouble answering that question. He probably has trouble with it because he knows that he wouldn't have that huge house standing behind him without the slaves that made it possible, but he doesn't know if he should feel personally responsible.

I was glad that I read this article today because it caused me to stop and think about how decisions that are made today affect the lives of people centuries ahead of us. We might think that we live in a society where we don't affect the future lives of others too much, but everyday we are making decisions that are going to last.

So, we have to start asking ourselves more questions--questions like, "Do we want to ruin our environment for our future generations?" or "Do we have more work to do to make everyone equal in the eyes of the law?" How we answer those types of questions today will set the stage for the way that our children's children are going to live.

The Tolerance of Faith

2007-03-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

We took a short trip this weekend and, as is often the case, my husband and I were having a wonderful discussion about faith in the car. We were going along on this conversation and things were going quite well, I thought, when suddenly my husband took a left turn and used something that I said to criticize me.

Suddenly, I found myself in the position of defending myself and I was starting to get defensive with him, but I instead stopped the conversation completely and said, "You know, we were having this really nice conversation about faith and suddenly you decided to make it an attempt to change something you don't like in me. Why would you do that?" My husband didn't respond, and the result was a lapse into silence for about five miles.

These types of interactions happen in every marriage, I'm certain. It is sometimes just too tempting to try to change your partner to be exactly what you want them to be. Unfortunately, it is impossible to accomplish and it usually ends badly.

I think that we do this in a lot of areas of our lives. I think we do it in faith as well. We want everyone to conform to our way of thinking in every way and that just isn't possible or even realistic. It is tempting to fall prey to the ideal that we are the only ones who have all the right answers. The truth is, we make mistakes and in making those mistakes, we have to accept that there will always be a certain level of fallacy in our judgement. Whether in factual error or in judgement that is colored by our own experiences, we must know and accept that we can't possibly know or understand every aspect of God and that is why we have to learn to be tolerant.

We don't become tolerant because we aren't strong enough in our faith, but because arguing someone into our way of thinking is a disservice to them. They, like us, have to discover faith from within their hearts the same way that we discovered it within our own hearts. They have to filter it through their own set of problems and experiences in their own lives.

As I look back over my faith, I recall times when I held onto fallacious beliefs and ideas. Many of the philosophies that I have held in my youth are completely opposite now as I have gotten older. However, God has not changed. He is still the same, but I believe that the reason that He reveals Himself through stories and the reason that He is so mysterious is because He wants us to be involved in the discovery of Him. It is in discovering God, that we really learn to appreciate His Greatness.

If God can be tolerant, then surely we can be tolerant as well. When I think about the people I know who aren't religious, I think of them not as a someone who is lost, but as someone who has not yet felt the need of God. In this way, I can have hope for them and for the potential of their faith.

God is patient and chooses to nudge us gently from the inside. We should take a clue from Him and not try to change others or argue others into our belief system. We should instead love, respect, and accept them as they are, created by God for a purpose that perhaps they have yet to discover. God asked us to be light in a dark world and shine on people. He didn't ask us to lassoe people, beat them over the head, and drag them kicking and screaming into the faith. Christianity has tried all of those methods over the centuries, but the most beneficial method was servanthood. It takes more faith to give way to tolerance than it does to use Biblical weaponry and argumentative methods, and in the end, each person makes their own choices about faith.

Tuning My Faith

2007-02-27T07:55:00.000-08:00

The other day the piano tuner was at our house and I was thinking about how much our faith is like a piano. When we first find faith, we are all new and fresh and we sound wonderful and crisp, but as time goes on, we slowly start to slip in our crispness and freshness. Pretty soon, we can tell that we are not quite as in tune with God and we are in need of making some adjustments.

We need a good tuning and God comes along and sends us great experiences or great people who stretch us and help us to move closer toward our greater purpose. These experiences make us grow to the next level and soon, we are sounding clear and clean again, but the sound of it now has changed somewhat because over time, after many times, we grow into a more mature sound that seems to be somehow more melodic and beautiful.

A piano that has been cared for and tuned regularly will grow more mature over time, but never becomes worthless. Only a piano that has not been kept tuned is discarded. Likewise, a faith that is nurtured regularly becomes more interesting and has more depth and vitality. However, a faith that is left alone and not nurtured, not tended to, is a faith that becomes stale. God created us to keep seeking Him. When He said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness,” He intended for us to keep seeking Him so that we would keep our faith well-tuned.

In this analogy, the end result is the music, which is really the product of our faith. Faith must be practiced in order for it to fill our own hearts with melody and in order for us to share it with the world. Like music, faith is better when shared with others. When faith is shared, it grows into the world and brings joy into it.

I kind of like the idea of God as a piano tuner, making the world more harmonic and melodic as He touches each of us. He is actively creating a music paradigm that is creative and in which each of us have a part in that creative process. God created each note, each key, black and white, but He also placed the ability and desire to create that music in our hearts. If faith is like that, it is something of such great value that it should never be left to go out of tune.

Trusting Faith

2007-02-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my friend called my office and, with tears in her voice, asked me if I could go for a walk with her. For her, that is usually code meaning that she needs to talk about some things. Since I just sprained my foot a couple of weeks ago, I am not as ambulatory as I have been in the past, but I took the time away from my work and so we took a short walk out to the back of our office parking lot and sat down at the picnic tables back there.

She sat down and told me the troubles that she was having and I listened to her carefully and consoled her. We sat there for about fifteen minutes as I shored her up for the rest of the day and then I asked her if she would like me to pray with her. She nodded, and as I prayed I felt the heaviness of her head as she dropped it onto our joined hands. It touched my heart. This particular friend was slow to trust and so the act of having her head drop like that seemed to me to be an act of incredible trust that I value greatly.

In contrast, I have another friend who trusted me almost from the first moment we met. She is a social and outgoing woman and she made a quick decision to like me. She made it so quickly that I found myself having difficulty trusting, but over time, I realized that she ran her life at 90 miles per hour anyway and so that is how she made decisions, too. I learned to try to keep up with her lightning speed, and we have a wonderfully reciprocal relationship because of it.

I think that trusting is something that we each guage separately, but I believe in being a person who can be trusted. I have had to put that belief to the test, and I pray that I am capable of being the kind of person that people will remember as having integrity. I know that I can make mistakes in that area, and I know that I am as capable as the next person of betraying trust, but I am working hard to shore up the holes in my life that allow that kind of error to occur.

You see, I believe that my God is present among these types of trusting relationships. If I betray these relationships, no one will bother to hear me and the message just gets lost in the wind. If I hold fast and prove myself to be a person of integrity, then they will understand that when I talk about my God, they can trust me that I am being truthful.

For Juan

2007-02-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

Before my son was born nine years ago, my husband and I discovered a little Mexican restaurant with a less than desirable location. However, the food was excellent and we started to go nearly ever Saturday morning for breakfast. Along came our son a year or so later and we would bring him in his carrier and set him on the table until he grew out of the carrier. Each time we went, we got the same waiter and he always remembered us; we always ordered the same thing. Over the years, this waiter saw us develop more wrinkles and saw our son grow taller, but the waiter never changed and he never seemed to age to me, either. He was always kind to us, and very professional. We never asked him about himself or had any conversation beyond what we were ordering. We never reached out to him or asked him how his family was. We never got past that invisible barrier that we sometimes put up in life.

Two weeks ago, he went into his garage and hung himself. As the story was told to me, his hope ran out after his wife left him. Until we heard the news, we never even knew his name. His name was Juan.

Juan had a story, a life, a family, and problems, but as often as we went there, we didn’t know about any of those things. We only knew that Juan brought us a large soda without asking him because he knew what we wanted and we knew that Juan was good at his job. Juan lost hope two weeks ago Thursday and no one was there to help him through it. That makes me so sad.

I know it was never my job to save Juan, but I can’t help but feel like I somehow failed him. I know that I didn’t really know him, but I wonder if maybe I should have. After all, the waitress at a Thai restaurant we love had cancer last year and we prayed for her. She was back just last week, and we told her that she had been in our prayers.

There are things that I wonder about Juan. I wonder if one person had been there to tell Juan that he was going to get through the pain, if it would have made a difference. I wonder if one kind word here or there might’ve made a difference between life and death for him. I wonder if we all should feel responsible for every Juan who loses hope.

In our ministry to convalescent homes, we call ourselves New Hope Road and we believe that we are giving hope to many seniors in convalescent homes, but I saw Juan more times than I can count and yet I didn’t even know his name. Juan slipped through the cracks in my life and I wonder how many other people's lives he slipped through the cracks with as well.

Anyway, this is my tribute to Juan. It is also my hope that I will try to stretch myself to break the invisible barrier that creates a caste system against building relationships with the people that are in my community. I believe that if everyone could do that one thing, we might throw out a wide enough net and maybe prevent a terrible tragedy. It’s a dream, but I have to believe that it’s possible because--well, because I have hope.

The Word That Should Never be Spoken

2007-01-30T07:32:00.000-08:00

I remember very well my fourth grade math teacher. He would sing "April Love" every time I walked past his desk after recess or lunch, and I couldn't stand him. Mr. O. used to be in the military. In the fourth grade, every student would have to attend a special "Americanism" class that Mr. O. taught. This class was filled with all kinds of interesting information. We learned songs like, "You're a Grand Ole Flag" or "The Green Beret." We learned how to respect the flag and even how to care for the flag and raise the flag. We also had a segment that was all about surviving in the wilderness. They taught us what plants we could eat, how to make a fire, and where to dig roots that might help us survive in the mountains.

Even so, when all the other kids were clammering around Mr. O., I was avoiding him like the plague. Mr. O.'s namesake son, Jerry, was also my age and I didn't like him much, either. In fact, I liked him even less. He was always in trouble and always treating others badly, but I stayed away from him because he was just plain mean.

In 1978, a young man named Tyler Hicks came to my school. I was in my music class when he came during the middle of class and they seated him right next to me. I immediately struck up a conversation with him, and welcomed him. At that time, Tyler was the first black person I had ever seen in person. I walked with him to his classes and tried to make him feel comfortable as best I could.

At that time, I thought that racism was a thing of the past. I thought it was something that we learned about in history books as a horrible part of our history, but as I walked Tyler Hicks to classes and heard Jerry's use of that horrible, disgusting utterance yelled after him, I realized that it was alive and well in my own small town.

I was discriminated against when I was a kid, too, but it was on the basis of religion. I'm not trying to say that I know what it's like to be black, but I know what it is like to be shunned because you don't fit the mold and maybe that was why I tried to help Tyler in some way.

Tyler Hicks lasted three days in my school. I didn't even have time to get to know him at all because he was gone so quickly, and I never found out what happened to him after he left our school. In fact, I don't think that anyone ever spoke of him again, but I never forgot him.

This morning, I had to teach my son that word so that he could avoid it and understand it. I sat him down and told him that it is a word that has deep roots of hatred. I explained to him where it came from and why it should be a word that should never be spoken. I told him that it is one word that drags us from humanity to the animal kingdom and that it symbolizes the worst part of our nature.

I would probably be inclined to say that it is a word that should be obliterated out of existence, but it wouldn't eradicate the problem that lives behind the word. As long as racism exists, we still need that word to remind us of our own debased natures. Maybe someday, though, when racism is truly a thing of the past, we can move forward and remove that word from every part of our culture.

Looking back, I see a great irony in the fact that Mr. O. taught his son how to honor an inanimate flag made up of pieces of red, white, and blue fabric sewn together, but he did not teach him to honor living, breathing human beings no matter their color or creed.

Listening and the Difficulty of Forgiving

2007-01-25T12:25:00.000-08:00

I’m seething just below the surface.

You see, I tried to discuss a simple problem with a coworker and instead of listening, he started to walk away. I asked if we could discuss it, and his response was that he was in crisis mode and with that, he walked out on me. My hands went up into the air in frustration and now here I am, seething. Oh, well.

You see, the Christian part of me is supposed to forgive him, but the normal part of me is telling me that the next time he walks up to my desk and asks me to rush something through for him, I would just tell him that I am in crisis mode. I am that kind of person sometimes, and while I don’t particularly like it about myself, I know that I have to get my anger out somehow.

The other part of me wants to vent. I want to go the lunchroom and rant and rave to all the girls there about how pissed off I am, but that isn’t really the Christian part of me, either. So, I am writing it out today.

This whole thing made me think about how important it is to just listen to people. To give them that one minute that they are asking of you. It’s a virtue that seems to be becoming more and more difficult. I don’t get someone’s ear very often and when I do, I find that I really appreciate it.

Don’t we have time for people these days? I seem to be able to make time for everyone. I think I have made that a priority in my life. The other day during the lunch hour, I asked someone how she was losing weight and we wound up talking about the devastating separation with her husband. I listened that day, and told her I would pray for her. I could’ve gone without asking her about herself, and I might never have known her story, but I really want to know her story.

I really want to be someone who listens and hears people, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to be heard, too. I want someone to say, “I hear what you’re saying and can sympathize.” I guess that’s why I take it to the girls in the lunchroom. We have that kind of relationship with one another. After 16 years of working with these people, it’s nice to know that we still all like each other.

When my other coworker comes back to my desk, if he ever does, I am going to try not to get upset with him. I owe a break or two, I guess. So, for now, I am going to swallow the angry tears that are welling up in my eyes and remind myself that I don’t deserve any special favors from anyone because I have stomped on a few toes myself.

Which reminds me, I'm kind of hungry--I think I will go have lunch!

Stepping Outside the Walls

2007-01-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

I had a fascinating conversation at lunch yesterday with the girls in the lunch room. It kind of started and went into this really wonderful conversation about church and what appeals to some people.

I've built a relationship with the ladies of the lunch room over time and we are completely honest and opinionated with one another, but that kind of atmosphere breeds great conversations and yesterday, it turned to church.

One of my friends used to go to a church, but left after the pastor was involved in a illicit relationship with someone else. Recently, she attended a Universalist Unitarian church and really enjoyed it. So, I asked her what it was that she like about it. She explained that they seemed very involved with helping the poor and they actually took up collections for food for the poor during the service. She also explained that she liked that instead of ordering people to stand up, they stated, "If you are willing and able, please feel free to stand." She didn't like being told what to do.

These comments are very reflective of our current culture. On the one hand, those who are standing up at the altar don't really know what the effect that those tiny little words have on people like my friend. However, a person like my friend finds those types of comments within a church service almost as an invasion of her personal boundary. So, what does a church do to make the Sunday morning experience more inclusive?

The reality is that being outside of a church automatically puts a person on the defensive. They come into a church and are uncomfortable to start because they don't know anyone. There must be a level of sincerity within the church, and at the same time, there must be an openness and willingness to openly accept others into the fold.

Right now, churches seem to be failing at sending that message and I think there are many reasons. The long-time members often have a sense of personal ownership of "their" church that is counter to the inclusion of new people.

However, the biggest reason for these types of comments is that our culture is changing. People are starting to question how we do church. I think there is a greater desire than ever before for people to belong to a caring community, but for some reason, people are not viewing church as that caring community.

I think that the key is getting the church to go beyond its own walls and get out into the community and the way to do that is for God-fearng Christians to break out beyond their own walls. We need to stop fearing to connect with people. We need to be real with people and create relationships that will make it possible for us to have the kinds of conversations that I had at lunch yesterday. We need to break our own personal barriers, before we can do anything as a church.

A Meandering Journey

2007-01-16T08:57:00.000-08:00

Last week, I had been going through a very dry desert. It was hot and dry in that spiritual desert and I was desperate for an oasis, but I just couldn't seem to connect to God. I continued to wander until this weekend, when the Lord took me on a little side trip...

Last weekend, we went on a trip to Monterey, and it was very interesting. On Friday night, I was stricken with a serious throat infection and by the time of our Saturday morning departure, I was in bad shape. I slept most of the way up there in the car, and then I retired as soon as we got into our room at 6:00 pm.

I was in much pain, however, so I got up early on Sunday morning and went to an urgent care facility where a doctor took one look at my throat and quickly prescribed antibiotics. He didn't even bother to send me to a pharmacy, and gave me what I needed right there in the office. I was very grateful. Nothing humbles a person like illness does.

I still managed to go to the Monterey aquarium, walk through most of Cannery Row, and finish the day off with 18 holes of miniature golf on Saturday. Sunday morning, we went to see the Carmel Mission, which marked the beginning of an interesting and slightly strange day.

After our tour of the mission, my husband took both boys to the restroom and I went into the church again. I walked to the front and stood in the silence of the sanctuary, awed by the high ceilings. The Catholic images of Christ usually have signs of his suffering on them. A symbol of the true suffering that he underwent on our behalf. By contrast, the Mormon belief is one without those images. No crosses are worn by Mormons. No crosses on their churches as well, so my experience growing up in Utah presented a more whitewashed version of Christ's crucifiction. That's one reason that I appreciate the symbols of his suffering that are offered in Catholic churches.

I also noticed that the height of the ceilings forced me to look upward. Looking up allows one to feel as though they are in the presence of something greater than themselves. That is another thing that I can really appreciate about Catholic churches. So, there I sat one person inside this church and I was filled with His wonder once again. The oasis was there before me and I knew that Christ's love for me had been there all along--even in the desert.

We left the mission and went to get gas to head home, but the gas station was very busy. It was there that someone moved ahead of my husband and nabbed the spot where he was trying to turn into. We didn't think too much about it, but we moved on and started to pump the gas, when suddenly there was a man at my window washing it. I started to laugh and my nephew spoke from the back seat.

"What is that man doing?"

"Well, Charlie, it appears that he's washing our windows."

"Why is he doing that?"

"I don't know, but it could be that he is just being nice."

He continued to wash our windows when my husband suddenly noticed him and spoke, then the man explained that he felt bad about taking our spot, and asked us where we were headed and where we were from. My husband chatted with him and the man recommended a good restaurant along our trip and we went our way. It was a great positive ending to a possibly negative incident, though.

After we stopped at the restaurant that the gentleman had recommended, we started on our way and started to see whale spouts shooting up along the coast. It is whale migration time right now and therefore, the whales were plentiful along the coast, which added to our adventure.

A little while later, we found ourselves being flagged down by a young man. He wasn't so much hitchhiking as he was actually flagging us down and so we thought maybe he was in distress. I rolled down my window and the young man hastily explained that his girlfriend had just gone into labor and he needed to get to her in San Simeon. So, that is how we took on another passenger for the trip.

It happened to be the quietest that the two boys had been for three days, but as we drove, I continued to point out whale spouts as if he were just another one of the children. We asked about his pending child and then the young man asked me about the pain of childbirth. I answered his many questions honestly and openly and he asked quite a few questions. He seemed genuinely worried about what he was about to face.

It was thirty miles to San Simeon from where we had picked up the young man. I had kept the family busy with chatter and small talk and talk about babies and childbirth. I had pointed out deer, elephant seals, and whale spouts, commented on Limestone and other general facts that the children mildly tolerated. What I had not done was talk about anything particularly philosophical, which for me, is generally unusual because I do tend to wax philosophical more often than most.

Finally, we came to the young man's town and dropped him off, and he thanked my husband and then he said to me, "God bless you, April."

As I replied in the same manner to him, I can't tell you what his words meant to me. To me, it meant that even without speaking about my God, the young man who had just travelled 30 miles with us was aware that God was present among us. Maybe I am over-thinking a simple phrase, but maybe there was something in our manner that told this man that he was among people of peace and love. I'd like to believe that he saw a glimpse of God in us.

So, it was along this journey that I was led out of the spiritual desert and into the oasis of God's love once again.

Interesting Listening

2007-01-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to a podcast lately called "Speaking of Faith" that I have found incredibly interesting. Among some of the podcasts that I would recommend, there were two that I found incredibly interesting as a woman. These podcasts are available at http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/index.shtml and are free.

First of all, I thoroughly enjoyed an interview Krista Tippett did with Joan Chittister, an American Benedictine Nun. It was called "Obedience and Action." I would highly recommend that podcast, but leave yourself enough time to listen to it because the Speaking of Faith programs are an hour long.

Secondly, I enjoyed another interview that Krista Tippett did with Leila Achmed,Phd., a Victor S. Thomas Professor of Divinity at the University of Cambridge. It was called "Muslim Women and Other Misunderstandings."

I guess the reason that I found these podcasts so interesting is because of the way that these two very different women were basically in the business of breaking barriers. We sometimes get a little complacent and think that we don't have any more barriers to break, but there are still a lot prejudices and disciminations that are going on out there. In fact, I think one of the indicators is the way that we question our current majority leader's ability, which I attribute mostly to the fact that she is a woman.

One of the most interesting points in the one about Muslim women was what Leila Achmed had to say about the oppression of Muslim women. To paraphrase, she said that it was interesting to her that we discuss the oppression of Muslim women because of the burka, and yet Muslim nations have had eleven female heads of state, while European nations of have had maybe four or five (I can't remember the exact number), and American heads of state?---None.

Her opinion was that most of the more radical groups are the ones who are in the process of oppressing Muslim women, but in general, most Muslim women don't view the wearing of a burka as a symbol of oppression in and of itself.

I wouldn't want to speak for Leila Achmed's words, but I would certainly recommend that if you have some spare time that you listen to the podcasts when you get a few minutes.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

2006-12-31T09:18:00.000-08:00

Well, you may have noticed that I gave myself a little break, but on the verge of the New Year, I thought it would be a good idea to say a little something.

Many people standing on the edge between the past and the future like I am today will venture either into the past or into the future territory. I've never been one to spend a lot of my time venturing in either the past or the future. I have been a real "in the present" kind of person and I don't mind that about myself. I think it is part of what keeps me grounded.

When I was younger, I spent a large amount of time thinking about my rather difficult days of youth. I think the word "difficult" is relative, by the way, because I know that there are many people who have had far more difficult times than I have. Even so, my difficult days were just difficult enough for me, but a lot of who I am right now depends on those difficult times. It was really Christ who helped me to suddenly realize that I could embrace the hard times because they are what brought me to Him.

Therefore, I put my past behind me and moved forward. I have lived in a world of the present for a very long time now. I have tried to treasure every moment and every person to the best of my ability, but the present moves quickly and at times, we get caught up in the journey and forget about our destiny.

Through our senior ministry, I have started to think more about the future. I started working with others who are very near their ultimate future and through this experience I couldn't help but start to think about my own ultimate destiny. When we are young, we don't think about the future much. We think we will never reach it and so therefore, it doesn't really matter. I have learned that there is an importance in embracing our future and realizing that our final reward lies still ahead and to reach it, we must die.

Coming back to the present, I have to realize that I am made up of all three. I am made up of what happened to me in the past, what I am doing in the present, and what will become of me in the future. To live in only one is to live a one dimensional life.

As I move into this upcoming year, I hope that I will come to embrace my past, work on the present, and build my future. I hope the same for you as well.

Happy New Year!

I Can't Make a Cloud

2006-12-07T15:56:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, I start thinking about all the great things that I am doing and get pretty wrapped up in it. It's human nature, sure, but it isn't necessary to let it run out of control, either. The truth is that I am really nothing without God.

Once, a long time ago, I remember being in study group during college. It was a biology class and we happened to be studying the human ear. I read as the book described the way that the sound traveled through the ear canal and to the drum, and how the vibration became a neuro-impulse signal that was sent to the brain to become interpreted. I stopped dead, put down my book, and looked at the girl sitting across from me.

"I don't understand," I told her in awe, "how someone can read this and not believe in God."

The girl suddenly had a stunned look on her face, and she looked at me, and said, "You know, it's really weird that you should say that because I was a madam of over half a dozen escorts just a few weeks ago, and everything has been crashing in around me lately and I owe people things I could never pay them. I finally went to the beach and knelt in the sand and just asked God to help me. Now, God keeps sending people to me who believe in God." Now, I was the one who was stunned and I felt a shiver go up my back, and I will never forget the conversation that ensued after that. I didn't do any of that. God did.

The truth is that my admission about how the human ear works really shows just how little I know. God can create things that I can't even fully understand and His greatness is all around us, but often we are too stuck on ourselves to see the great things that he does.

When Eve took the apple from the serpent, it was with the idea that she would be able to know what God knew, perhaps even be what God was. Today, I think that the legacy of that story is that we love ourselves too much. We gave up God to be greater than Him, and sometimes we think we are. We create these huge buildings that stretch high into the sky and we create planes that defy gravity, but we can't make a human ear.

I have to remind myself sometimes that I am not that great. I can't do alot of things. I can't make a cloud even if I wanted to, and honestly, I think it would be cool to be able to make a cloud. When Job was visited by God in the whirlwind, God reminded Job of that. He asked Job if he could hold back the four winds or make a mountain. God was reminding Job and the world that we aren't that great, and we need to remember it. We're sitting on a round ball, hanging out in space, circling a big star, and the only thing keeping it in perfect order is God.

We need God and we need to keep reminding ourselves of that. We need to keep re-evangelizing ourselves until we figure out that God is in control and we are just passengers. When we start to let God take control, we stop wondering why bad things are happening to us and we start accepting that they just do happen.

I don't want to be God. I don't think that when I was trying to be God that I was doing a very good job of it. Everything got goofed up. So, whenever I start thinking about all the great things that I can do, I just need to take a moment and remind myself that I still, after all this time on earth, cannot make a cloud.

Delivering His Message

2006-12-04T14:13:00.000-08:00

I recently found out that a friend that I had worked with had died. She hadn't been working for a while, and many of us hadn't kept in touch. Still, when I found out, I was shocked because she had died of a heart attack and was only 54. After finding out, I was talking with another one of my coworkers, and I offered to hold a memorial at my home for the people who worked with her.

Last Saturday was that day, and it went well, I thought. I had an opportunity to talk and I think I managed to bring a little of my faith to the event. I have to admit that I felt like it was a huge responsibility. I wanted to bring faith to it, but I understood that a lot of the people there would not be people of Christian faith and some were atheists. When I spoke, I talked about my belief in life after death. I said that I believed in life after death and the hope that comes after this life, and I liked the idea of knowing that someday I would be greeted by friends and loved ones at the end of my life. I even told them that even if they didn't believe in an afterlife, they had to admit that the idea of meeting our loved ones at the end was a good way to view loss.

Our quartet sang and we did three very nice songs. Songs that I would call easier to take in for a non-Christian. Even so, they were religious songs that talked about a creator and a merciful saviour. I prayed as well. A short prayer, heartfelt that asked for comfort and peace. I prefaced it by saying that if anyone wanted to use the time as a moment of silence, they should feel comfortable.

The response was the most interesting. I received hugs and thank-yous for doing it, I received lots of responses about how nice it was that I did this, and finally, I received responses about how much love I had conveyed. That was the compliment that I appreciated the most. I was glad that people saw my love and recognized it. I hope that they know that it came from God, and I believe that they do. My former boss is a Buddhist. He was there, and he came forward after the service and said, "I just love to hear you sing about your God." I think he was sincere.

I didn't beat anyone over the head with God, I didn't bible thump, but I did manage to convey a very loving message to a group of people who may not know the God that I know. That's the responsibility that I never imagined that God would task me with. When I consider all the ways that God has empowered me to step forward in faith and deliver His message, I am humbled.

Faith with a Bite

2006-11-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

My husband sometimes tells a story about something that happened when he was in college. He was sitting outside in a public area where a lot of the students congregated when a crazy guy wearing a poster board came by. The sign he wore was simple. “You are going to Hell,” it read. Most people looked at the sign, read it, shook their heads, and moved on.

When a group of young Christians walked up to the crazy guy and started to announce that they weren’t going to hell, he was suddenly amused enough to start watching. He said that they started to yell at the man and vehemently announced to him that they weren’t going to hell. After all, they were followers of Christ. However, the man stood his ground. He was just crazy enough to be convinced that everyone was going to hell and this incited them even more. Their voices rose even more loudly and they continued to yell at the man.

As this interaction was going on, a young woman in a burkha came by. Suddenly, the Christians joined with the crazy poster board man in announcing that this woman was going to hell. All of them united and surrounded her like a pack of wolves and started to yell at her that she was going to hell. A formerly amusing event was quickly becoming an episode of hatred. By now, the woman in the burkha was crying as the mob continued to berate her for her faith, and that was when my husband got involved. He penetrated the fortress they had created with their bodies, admonished them for their intolerance, and led the woman away from them.

It was an experience he never forgot.

As a Christian, I believe in Jesus Christ. However, if I let my belief become a weapon used to hurt others, I have misused that faith and I have misrepresented the message of Christ. Faith that bears good fruit brings virtues such as love, peace, honor, and integrity. Faith that bears bad fruit brings hate, prejudice, self-righteousness, and arrogance. We decide which type of faith we are going to have.

There are those out there who will say that my philosophy of faith is wrong and that I am misled because I offer only a touchy-feely type of faith. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I offer a faith based on the love of Christ. That faith has merit and is more desirable and attractive to others than that of a faith based on hatred and prejudice. God's justice is His own, and I am not called to exact God's justice.

If I am only willing to love other Christians or those whom it is easy to love, then I have a barren love. If my love can move beyond boundaries of faith and be extended to a woman wearing a burkha, then I have a bounteous faith.

Planning for Peace

2006-11-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

One Christmas, I was having my husband's entire family over for Christmas. It was overwhelming for me and we worked so hard to have everything just perfect. Many of the people who come to Christmas from Jim's family are elderly, so I spend much of the time feeding them and cleaning up afterward. That year, it was no exception. In fact, Jim's sister, who might've helped more, had a broken foot as well so it was a very stressful year.

This particular year, I was a rack of nerves. I had worked myself into a frenzy in a way that only I can, so when several of the family members left about a half hour before the prime rib was ready to be served, I was irked. Still, I continued on and when the prime rib reached the perfect temperature, I removed it from the oven and after waiting about twenty minutes, I decided to go ahead and start dinner without them. Still, I was irked.

Suddenly, the shoppers arrived and blew into the room. They sat down and started to serve themselves before we had even said the prayer. At that point, I got angry and said something angry. That upset the person with whom I directed my anger and he went outside and sat on the patio, followed shortly thereafter by his mother (my mother-in-law). After much coaxing, my husband got them all to come back into the room and we then sat down.

Everyone sat down except for the two year old, that is. He started to run around the living room, and at just the right time, he picked one of the balls off of my Christmas tree and threw it directly at the table and it shattered into a million pieces at my own feet. As my sister-in-law recalls it, all she could hear was me saying over and over, "Damn, damn, damn!"

That Christmas was marred by my own obsessive behavior, but I learned something. I learned that Christmas and Thanksgiving aren't about the food, the decorations, or the taste. Christmas and Thanksgiving are about the people. I can present the most beautiful table decorations, the most decadent food, but if I don't present myself as a kind and loving host, it is all pointless.

Sometimes, it's hard enough to get together with family. We have a lot of hangups and baggage that we bring to these celebrations, but we need to step aside from those issues and work to make these moments memorable in a different way.

This last Thanksgiving, I asked God to bring peace to our celebration. I prayed for peace with an urgency and I received it. I received peace at my celebration of Thanksgiving and people in our family felt the difference. That is the real planning that needs to take place for our family get togethers. We need to plan to pray for peace. Peace that will fill all of our hearts with good will so that we can then focus on loving one another and loving God.

Losses

2006-11-20T09:41:00.000-08:00

Today, a co-worker who recently lost his wife ventured past my desk. He looked incredibly okay, but I knew all about our ability to survive through despair. I talked with him briefly and told him I understood how hard it was. He acknowledged that it was, but he knew that he needed to move forward.

Years ago, I suffered through one of the most personally devastating experiences of my life, and it changed me. I am okay, but today I am different because of that experience. For at least an entire year, whenever I would get into my own car, I would start to cry. It was the only time that I was by myself enough to be able to let it all out. But today, I am different in a way that makes it easier for me to metabolize death because I know that I have something to look forward to after my life.

There was a time in my life when romantic love was everything that I hoped to aspire to. Growing up, I aspired to find that handsome prince. I loved Cinderella stories, Harlequin romances, and romantic comedies. I was your typical American girl spoon-fed romanticism from birth. However, in my dark time, the rescue didn't come from a knight on a white horse. It came instead from a carpenter from Nazareth. Jesus.

When our first love is with another person, we can always be disappointed. When it is placed in Christ, we are always upheld by Him because He does not disappoint us and that is what the real difference is in me today. Therefore, when I view death now, I view it as a natural part of my life. No longer does it rip me from the arms of those I love, it now sends me into the arms of my beloved Jesus.

Sometimes, we need to contemplate the phases of our lives and understand that we are finite beings. This finite aspect means that throughout our lives we will be suffering losses of all kinds. In one hand, hold those finite things loosely and be ready to let them go. In the other, cling to Christ as tightly as you can and never let go for He can most certainly carry any burden that you have no matter how heavy.

..And the Last will be First

2006-11-13T11:49:00.000-08:00

I've always had a hard time feeling comfortable in church. It isn't because of the church, I don't think. It's because of me. Last Sunday, the three of us went to church at a small dilapidated church. As we walked up to the church, we looked at the overgrown weeds in the cracks of the sidewalks and the peeling paint on the outside of the building. It was in serious disrepair.

"Should we just go home? It's in pretty bad shape," my husband asked as we stepped out of our car.

"No, we're here and it's church, so let's go see what it is."

As we walked up to the door, a man approached me and asked for a few dollars for something to eat. I didn't have any money, and turned him down. I felt bad about it.

We went inside and saw a handful of people in the church at first. The pastor approached us and greeted us with kindness. He went over to the guest book and asked us to sign in. He was elderly. He looked like he could've been in seventies or eighties, but he still seemed sharp. He thanked us for coming and moved to the front of the church.

There was only a piano player there. She played traditional standards in a very traditional way. It was the kind of piano playing that bothers me a little, to be honest. Even so, we sat patiently and started to pay attention to the service.

The first thing I noticed was that there were more children than adults in the room and all of the children seemed very comfortable there. They ranged from mid twenties to about eight or nine years old, and the really amazing thing was how involved in the service they all were. At some point, all of them were up front singing and it was fun.

As a person in music ministry, there wasn't much to draw me to their church. It was hokey and old-fashioned, but there was a charm that impressed me. It was something that went beyond the quality of their building and music. This place had heart. They came to a part in the service where everyone greeted one another and I noticed that it took a long time because every person greeted every other person in the room. In fact, even the eight and nine year old boys came up to us, each individually, and stuck out their hands and welcomed us. They looked us in the eyes and smiled broadly even as my own 9 year old son, embarrassed and out of place, turned his eyes to the ground and hid behind me.

When a church has heart, it goes beyond the service, the building, the music, and even the message. It's about the people. The pastor even seemed to understand that if there was something special happening in any particular song, we should sing another verse. I liked that. I liked the quaintness of it and the pastor's openness to bending the service to allow for God's involvement.

Basically, this church did everything wrong looking at it from the outside looking in, but from the inside out, they did everything right. I felt a wonderful quiet presence in that run-down church, where the airconditioning ducts were exposed and the carpeting was well past its prime. I felt a silent whisper that said, "Here is where I am. I am present with the meek and the humble. Come find me among the poor, the children, the old, and the weak. The first will be last and the last will be first."

Bridging the Gap

2006-11-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

It was a Friday morning, and I was leaving for the weekend to go to the airport and fly to Washington, DC, for a wedding. I planned on dropping my nine-year-old son, Noah, off at my parents' house and that is why, at 7:30 am that morning, we stepped out into the sunshine of the morning air. Our moods were light, mine because I was nervous about my trip, his because he loved staying with his Grandma and Grandpa and had already spent four of his five days that week with them since school had been out that week.

Just as we stepped out into the light, Noah's exuberance overflowed from him in the form of a long and fairly loud note in about the key of A. Before I could shush him as I normally would, I heard laughter erupt from across the street and I saw two women there, openly appreciating the impulsiveness of a young boy.

I had seen these women before. One was elderly and one younger. They both walked the neighborhood in which I live going through garbage cans to pick up the recyclables. Usually, people such as these two are homeless, but in this case, I didn't know for sure if there were. For one thing, they were on the wrong side of town where most of the homeless reside, but they weren't particularly poorly dressed and seemed quite cheerful doing what they were doing.

"I guess someone's in a good mood," I laughed out loud as I approached my car and started to load my baggage into my van.

The younger woman laughed again, then both women moved to our side of the street and came forward and greeted me. They wore thick garden gloves and aprons over their shorts and t-shirts. Their eyes were kind and I felt no trepidation in speaking briefly with them.

"Do you mind if we go through your recycle and see if there is anything there we can take?"

I knew that if these women didn't take the cans that went into the recycle bin, then the trash company merely made more money off us. So, I invited her to help herself, although, I told her that I didn't know if we had any of the cans this week because my husband filled the recycle with shredded papers he was cleaning up.

She looked inside and nothing was there, but she thanked me all the same. Then, she pulled off her dirty glove and stretched forth a hand, offering it to me along with a friendly smile. "I'm Rochelle," she said.

I took her hand and shook it firmly. "I've seen you around this area," I mentioned, "so, it is nice to meet you, Rochelle." My eyes then turned then to the elderly woman next to Rochelle, and I stretched forth my hand to her as well. Rochelle gave me her name which I have now forgotten, but the older woman remained for the most part silent. I wondered if she could speak and then she did. Her arms were filled with recycled goods, and she apologized that she couldn't take my hand, so I stepped forward and patted her arm instead, feeling as though that would somehow bridge the gap between us.

It's funny how a gap can exist and yet it can be so easily bridged. I could've remained the lady who lived in the big house on the corner, but now I had a name. Rochelle and her friend could've remained nameless people, if not for my young son's vocal gymnastics. They could still have remained nameless if I had retreated back into my home. They might never have been seen, had we not been stepping out into the sunshine at that precise moment, on that precise day. But we did bridge the gap, and now when I see Rochelle and her friend in the street, I will remember the sincerity of a soiled glove being removed. Perhaps they will remember the lady on the corner with the big house, and they will know that they will again find kindness there and acceptance.

"God Bless, " I said as they turned to continue down the street. I wondered how many people had chased them away from their garbages, how many people had been angry at the sight of them, how many people would simply avert their eyes. I took a moment and prayed for them and got into my car to go to the airport.

Renew my Spirit, Oh Lord

2006-10-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

I just returned from a weekend in Washington, DC because a close friend of mine got married. In my prior rant about Baby Showers and Bridal Showers, I think I included weddings in there, too, but I think I may finally have found a wedding that I really enjoyed.

My Colombian friend, Malu, got married by a black Catholic priest who spoke more like a Baptist minister. He was incredible, and yet all the traditional Catholic liturgy was there. Along with him, there was this wonderful African American choir that really added to the wonderful ambience, but it was indeed a Catholic--and yet not Catholic--wedding.

Still, it was filled with words of faith and songs of faith and every person there seemed to be in some way expressing their faith. Even after the wedding, as I walked with the couple that was going to drive me to my hotel, we passed the beautiful St. Matthew's Cathedral and we saw that mass was going on. On a whim, we stepped inside the expansive beauty of the cathedral and were awed by the inlay of gold and color. The arched ceilings told 14 ct. stories of faith. It put us into a solemn and humbled mindset.

For me, this weekend was like going to a really intensive retreat because I went by myself. Every evening I had time to step back and contemplate things. My life is wonderful, but the everyday pushing forward wears on a person sometimes. For years, I guess I have been pushing forward giving out and not being renewed, but this weekend God renewed me in a way that I can't really even explain. He just made me take a moment and contemplate him.

I contemplated him in many ways. I contemplated him through nature, through times of silence, through solitude. I even finished two books on the flights going there and coming back. I met many wonderful people and everywhere I was treated with kindness and graciousness. I received far more than I gave last weekend.

I felt like Elijah, who sat under the tree and God sent angels to minister to Him. It seemed as though at every turn another angel was helping me along the way. I started the weekend a little afraid, and I remember praying to God to help me through it, and in God's most gracious way, He sent people to minister to me in so many different ways.

Once in a while, God shows us his favor. He ministers to our hearts and renews us. This was my time. Away from the stresses of raising children, a husband, a dog, and a job, I was able to lift up my arms to the heavens and receive His blessings. God is so good.